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| some funny random quotes and jokes
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this one is purely satirical
"I play violent video games. I could snap at any moment!"
-- Tycho Brahe, "Penny Arcade"
To start off with 2 funny jokes I've had on my compy for awhile
Oops............
A woman is in bed with her lover who happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings.
Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation ...
She is speaking in a cheery voice "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye."
She hangs up the telephone, and her lover asks, "Who was that? Oh, she replies, that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having with you on his fishing trip.
Profanity
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He aid "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!"
The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity."
The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!"
The preacher said, "No shit?!"
Quotes
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
- Groucho Marx
His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
- Mae West
Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee later than others.
- Kin Hubbard
They don't hardly make 'em like him any more - but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway.
- Hunter S. Thompson
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
His mind is so open - so open that ideas simply pass through it.
- F. H. Bradley
The surest sign of intelligent life in the universe is that they haven't attempted to contact us.
- Bill Watterson
and lastly some random poemish thing I found don't know who to credit.
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I porn surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of "Hot XXX Galore". When I clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour -- " 'Tis not possible!", I muttered, "Give me back my free hardcore!"
Quoth the server: 404.
so yeah these are some funny jokes at least to me. I thought I would share them with you guys sorry if you've heard them before. I would love to hear if any of you liked any particular joke. feel free to comment and put any of your fav jokes on here I love a good laugh.
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Posted by zypvashna on 2008-03-05 10:25:06 | Rating: | Views: 239
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| Blog Comments
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Thanks for giving me a giggle and a laugh. Nice change to read some good jokes (and some um average ones!!!! :0)
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-03-06 04:12:43
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I needed some smiles today, thank for this post!
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Posted by Ellie2008
on 2008-03-06 11:43:43
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ok i got a quote for you... friendship is like peeing your pants. everyone can see it but only you can feel its warmth.
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Posted by debaterchick88
on 2008-03-06 22:12:09
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that one is really funny actually!
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Posted by zypvashna
on 2008-03-07 12:36:20
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sorry debaterchick88, but every1 knows that one. lol
these are funny.
i like the one about the fishing trip most lol
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Posted by alysha
on 2008-03-08 23:38:56
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lol,first laugh of the day and i owe it to you
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Posted by necronomincon
on 2008-03-11 01:11:20
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They were funny!
Especially the lying husband,,,,and the happy pastor, full of **it.
hehe
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Posted by DifficultSoul
on 2008-03-31 20:39:33
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