Ok I know that I seem like I'm always complaining about something. You know what here lately that is all I seem to have to talk about is something negitive. It would be just awesome to have something positive to say, but nope don't have it so oh well.

After I got my daughter to sleep I loaded up this laptop and was just checking my messages. You know all the junk that we seem to do everyday, but really it never gets us anywhere. Then I just felt really blue. I don't usually do that so it bothered me.

Usually, I'm that chipper person that you want to rip there fucking heads off because there always in such a good mood that it creeps you out. Well that would be me. Then it came to me. For the last few months I haven't been that chipper person. I have become a dull, boring, predictable, negative person. Someone that I don't like. I'm always grouchy and always biting someones head off.

Then it dawned on me like a light bulb just switched on. I'm not happy. So here is that million dollar question. What can I do about it? I'm a pussy I'll just go ahead and tell you. For some reason I stay right with him when I should just tell him to kiss my ass and give him the bird as I drive off into the sunset.

It won't ever happen!

So I've got two choices. I can stay this evil person that I have become, or I can just deal with it and be happy with what I have. Since both don't choices really don't appeal to me then I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I leave him I have no time to mourn and cry. You know that is what us girls do when we have a bad breakup. We do that then we either eat bad ice cream or we drink until a really ugly guy becomes almost attractive.

I'm lactose free so drinking is what I'm voting. I have no time to cry or drink so how the hell could I mourn over him. My mourning would have to turn into watch a lot of Barney re-runs with my almost two year old daughter or arguing it out with my 63 year old psycho grandmother whom I have mentioned in a previous blog entry.

So all of this doesn't make the breaking up seem anymore attractive to me. Then I thought about a girls night out. Oh yeah I forgot I don't have girls to have a girls night out with. This all just fucking sucks. So what do I do? Stay with him and deal. Or break-up and get over him with Barney.

Maybe I just need out of this fucking hell hole for one night by myself. Just so I could sort things out. Maybe go to a club and have a few drinks. I miss doing that. I have all kinds of clothes I could wear to go in that I haven't worn in the last two years because I go nowhere. But just my luck I would go out to a club and he would show up over there because he is always able to go to clubs when I can't.

Oh by the way did I mention that I found a pic of him on myspace on one of his friends pages. It wasn't just any pic, but a pic of him with some girl with his arms around her waist. Well I through that up in his face today and he said he was just innocently dancing with her. I'm going to put this pic in my photos and you can tell me if you think it looks innocent. Maybe I'm just paranoid.

I don't really think I am though.