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well...this sucks. I don't know why i'm up so damn late. i just don't wan to sleep. everything is goin to hell in a handbasket and there ain't nuttin i can do to stop it. i want to be with one of my friends and tell her eveything cuz she'll understand and sweep me away from all my pain. I can't get him off my mind ever. it just isn't fair. even if i wanted to be free i couldn't. if he isn't ever allowed to see me again, i will be forced to wait that long. i will cling to this relationship unless he tells me its over. i know we need time to "consider our actions" but it doesn't take me that long to think over my mistakes. I think that having to come out and tell everyone was enough of a punishment for us. we could have lied but we didn't. we didn't. we were good kids. we came out and didn't lie anymore. but we are getting punished for that! what does taht tell us? yea...not a good messege. I don't want to deal with the truth that i may not see him untill he is free forever...that's just too much. this is stupid. i don't even know why i'm writin this. its a complete waste of time...no one really reads it and even if they did they wouldn't want me dumpin my stuff every where....but ya no, some stuff just has to come out or you jsut start to loose it. and i'm still loosing it. i'm going insane. its only been 4 days. only 4 days...what am I gonna do when i leave for college this summer? die....simple as that. well at leased by then i may be allowed to speak to you on the phone by then. I really want our families to get together. ur parents, austin and u. my bros, my parentals and me. it just sounds so much fun. i can't help but want it. i want to be able to hold your hand and look into your eyes. i can't go anywhere to get away from the pain...i'm not trust worthy...i'm worthless now. i'm a lying bitch. i'm selfish and rude...i just can't be trusted...i'm still tying to come up with a good reason to be up this late/early talkin to a computer...listening to the same songs over and over...good thing our internet works really well in the middle of the night...lol otherwise i wouldn't be able to get online tommorow cuz our internet would be to friggin slow. so anyway. i got to see my long lost brother today...well, half adopted bro...its confusing. it was fun. i got to tell him the whole story and such...but yea. it was fun...but the whole time i still felt pretty not so great....cuz of missin him and such stuff....grrrrrrrrr. so anyway. on the side of my screen ther is this advertisment for an IQ test and it has a pic of Albert Einstine on it...lol i took an IQ test recenly and i scored 136...which is like 7 points off genius or something...i was pretty proud of myself...but yea. i just txt someone but i think he is asleep. lol he doesn't usually sleep but of course the night i stay up he doesn't thats ironc. him and I always seem to be on different pages...damn...lol but yea anyway. i ate the las tof the oranges today...which pisses me off. cuz i friggin love oranges and i haven't gone one day without them for like a week now...grrr. i hate it when what pattern i do have gets disturbed...lol but thats what life is about. changin what is considered to be standard and messin every one up. life sucks. i try not to be very emo, but i fail..lol that's just life. i'm getting used to it...that or i'm jsut too tiered to be concerned with it...lol either way its messed up. so anyway. my dog is layin on the floor really funny like. lol he's so cute. i remember when we got him as a puppy. he was jsut so little. and he had a really cute little snout. i remember when we brought him home and my grandma was saying how she wouldn't mind haveing a dog like him...but then one day he smiled, yea my dog smiles, and she was like i would like to have a dog like that if he didn't have such vicious teeth!!! lol i was like get over it! all dogs have carnivore teeth...like the sharp tooth...*points* runnnn bitch!!! lol just kidding wow i really am tiered. and now i am jsut totally rambling on and on and on about nothin gin paticular...youknow if i would have used proper punctuation and grammer and less leet speak i could have included this in typin practice....damn...i should have cuz then i would have saved me some time tomorrow...dang it! i wish i could look into the future just a little bit. lol so anyway i guess i'll go down som iced tea and try not to pass out walkin to the kitchen. then maybe i'll play with a snow globe.....OMG you know what i have always wanted? one of those snow globes that had the rubber globe! you know? they were really popular like when i was 8 or 9...prollylike 9 or 10. yea, so 6 years ago. but anyway i've always wanted one of those. and why are there always snow globes? can't there be like, leaf globes for the fall? or emo globes? like it rains little razor blades? that would be cool. lol or "that time of the month" globes...lol you can only imagine. so yea...maybe i'll go alphabatize the movies we own...yea that sounds like fun *rolls eyes* i want my lisence....but i have to get a job first...and with the economy as it is that's like almost impossible..yea....sucks to be 16 with nothing but 11 years of school under my belt...lol man, i've got TKD today...i really shouldn't be up...but i am anyway. i've done a lot of things i shouldn't have...like lying...lots of those lie things....not good things. don't like them they are bad. okay so anyway...if anyone has read this far, message me and tell me that way I can pick on you for reading a totally pointless bulletin with absoluely no important info in it. Por favor? lol ty. so if you are still reading this, you really must be bored, or you have a group of people gathered around the computer laughin at the little emo kid...lol i'd be makin fun of me too. oh wait! i am...lol if you can't love yourself you can't love another, and if you can't laugh at yourself you can't laugh about others...lol so yea anyway...i'm done now....before i break the keyboard...lol and if you really read this, you either care about me in general, really really friggin bored, or, you just need a life of your own, so you will absorb yourself for the hour and ahalf to read this..lol
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