yayaimannoying

yayaimannoying urn:uuid:dfe400ef-f372-a232-477b-676bc45da872 2008-12-01T23:24:59-05:00 yayaimannoying Well.... urn:uuid:dad41f72-2aa6-2f26-c0f2-c4a558fd76c6 2008-12-01T23:24:59-05:00

     Okey-Pokey, here goes my first blog that I've really posted on this web-site...

     Well, my name is Liz (which it prolly says on my blog but who cares I'll tell ya anyway) I'm 16, I've got a boyfriend and I'm not a normal Teenager. I'll conform enough with socioty to be considered cute, but when people aren't looking a quite a little rebel. The reason I had to find this web site and use this instead of my blog on myspace is long and complicated.
     Okay, I am in Taekwondo, and I'm working on becoming an instructor and buying my TKD (Taekwondo) Instructor's school when she retires. So I teach all the little kids who do TKD. I'm at the TKD school almost 4 hours a night, 4 nights a week. I actually participate in 5 or 6 classes a week when I only have to participate in 3. (yea yea, I'm an over-acheiver! but only in TKD) ;D So anyway, well, my blogs on myspace started getting a little personal, and a couple of my students and their parents found me on myspace, and I'm suppose to be profesional so I had to hide my blogs and such. So here I am! Another reason, my boyfriend is in TKD...and he is an Instructor with me...so yea, the kids and parents don't need to know we are a couple. Because that starts gossip and I need to keep my rep up if I wanna own the school. So yea...
     Well, my boyfriend...I know no one wants to hear about some whiney teenager's boyfriend and how perfect we are together...but if you are still reading you obviously have enough curiosity to cope...well, his name is Sky. And, well, number one, I'm healplessly in love with him...he's two years younger than me...well, 1 year and 11 months younger than me...TO THE DAY!!! (haha) And we had this whole secret relationship for a while because of TKD and no body really wanted us together, but from the first moment I kissed him I knew he was special. Well, I'm homeschooled, and I would go to the library, but I would meet up with Sky and we would go to the park...we wouldn't really do anything but lay around and talk. Well, one day someone who knew Sky saw us kissing and called his dad and so the whole relatitonship came out of the dark. Yea, things have gotten better and worse since then with the whole thing. Seems like it's one problem after another with our relationship. A month and a half after getting caught as a couple we got questioned about sex and such and we told the truth so things aren't really great. But...I can't even explain it. He's something else to me. He's not like the other guys I've liked. I'm totally in love with him, and I know that every teenager girl says about a boyfriend...but like I said, I'm not a normal Teenager girl. I'm smarter and wiser. I've got an old soul and I just somehow know whats going on around me. I'm not normal...not normal. Okay, well anyway...]]>

I Remember urn:uuid:8ce6f20a-2768-d1e8-795f-2a7d9573f485 2008-11-30T19:17:44-05:00

I remember....
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Blogging #2 urn:uuid:17b450dd-911f-0519-caaa-c958c764ceb7 2008-11-30T19:16:39-05:00

One of the newest and most depressing songs I'm addicted to is Better Than Me by Hinder. Hinder is one of the worlds most depressing bands in the world...I mean, I don't know how the lead singer does it, but somehow he can make his voice sound so full of pain. He just makes the songs because he can make you feel the pain he is portraying. But anyway, the song is pretty much about a guy breaking up with the girl he loves over a bunch of crap and he misses her...and I can relate a tiny bit to the song, but not the break-up part. Just about how much he misses her and he is sorry about the mistakes he made. It's just so sad, and I love the song. I mean, when I'm feeling sick with loneliness in the middle of the day I can blast the song and scream it out and it makes me feel so much better. *haha* Yet it makes me even sadder at the same time...It's very confusing. I'm not even sure I understand it.

Lately I'm not sure if anything but depressing music relates to me. I mean, I feel good when I'm with my family or at TKD but when I'm alone and I have time to just sit and think everything that I surpress comes out to try and eat my face. *haha* I mean, I feel okay right now...I'm just venting. *haha* It's what I do. (Not exactly what I do best, but I do it pretty well.) I mean when I'm with Skyler and everyone at TKD I feel so much better! I can't quite describe it. I feel better when I'm with my mom also. I don't know...

I'm just trying to get used to things the way they will be for a long time. I'm trying to understand that I made a mistake but at the same time I can't make myself regret anything...and I feel bad because I don't feel bad. I feel bad about breaking rules yes but....I don't know...I'm just trying to make it through every day without letting myself get sucked under the muck covering the water. I'm glad my mom understands me and is being patient enough to deal with me. I try to stay happy around her. She makes me happy. But sometimes life just gets to me and I can't help it. I'm not coping very well, but I'm adjusting everything and trying to live. I've got to be strong all of the time and here goes my confession. I'm not that strong. I live as strong as I can but I fall apart quite often. I just don't tell people when I do.

I went to TKD mad, sad, and completely broken. I was hurt and I was trying to be angry with Sky for everything that was mostly my fault. But then he wasn't there and I didn't think he would be at all. And trying to hold a strait face was the hartest thing to do...but I can't tell you, can't even start to explain the exploding feeling when I glanced at the door and saw him walking up. I felt like...I don't know what I felt like. I was angry with him when I came to TKD. I wanted to hate him. Simply because I don't know how to take everything I've been feeling. Because I'd rather be angry than cry. I wanted to blow him off and watch the hurt spread across his face, but when he wasn't there...when he wasn't standing inside the door waiting for me I came to my senses and realized how stupid I am for even thinking it. When I thought I wouldn't be able to take back the anger I had showed last night....When I though he would go to sleep tonight and not know that I didn't mean it...That was what killed me. It tore me apart. It made me feel worse than anything. But then he came. Like I said, I can't tell you how that made me feel. As soon as I knew he was there, I drowned myself in the overwhelming happiness and let myself be the instructor that I am and I enjoyed teaching the kids as I do every night.

Wow...*haha* I didn't really mean for everything to come spilling out but that's okay. I've got nothing to hide. I've made mistakes, and I have paid for them/am paying for them. I'm living my life the way God intended and Fate either has it layed out for me, or in for me. I'm ready to face the world. I have my strength at my side and I will weather what I deserve with my head held high and I'm going to make it...Yea...I'm going to make it. *haha*

(And at my mommy's request I made sure all the puntuation is good and everything is all formal like. It's fun typing all formal. Love you mom)
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Strange Dream urn:uuid:456f9ad8-9a2a-5bb2-0641-4866c6fd93f4 2008-11-30T19:15:39-05:00

In my dream, I wasn't myself. I was me, but I was in someone elses body. And unfortunatly, that body was pregnant. And this person was in a traveling hunting team. We were a group of tough individuals who were hunted down constently for branching out on our own, so we were always on the move. Well, like I said, I was pregnant, and I was trying to do all the things that the men did in our group for training. You never knew where they would chase us. Well, lets say that climping a horizontal pole with no ground underneith is not a good place to decide it's time to have a baby. I made it to the end after consideing just falling and ending the pain of having to finish the pole, and a baby just popped out. Well, I don't know what to do, I'll I know is that I have a warm new born baby covered in this goo slime stuff that needs washed and dressed....and of course, its cold outside. And we are outside. Well, I look at the little baby on my arm, put him close to me, and run inside. The shower inside is just like the shower in the downstairs portion of my house and has a little green tub that my youngest brother used to take a bath in. Well, I try to get the water temp right while talking to my newborn trying toget him not to cry, which he hasn't done yet. I slip him into the water and washed him off and wrapped him up in a towel and make my way with my son in my hands to find some warm clothes to put on him. I find some PJ's, but they are pink, and put those on him. I contunue to do what I can do for the team, but now I have a baby. Who I have fallen in love with. I named him, but I can't recall his name. He was the most adorable thing.spending three hours in a dream with a baby kind of makes that child stick on you. I miss my little boy, yet he wasn't mine...my mind was just in someone elses body.....*sigh* And this child only cried once....when someone else was trying to hold him. But the woman gave him back to me and he cuddled against me and just layed there making happy noises. Someday I'll have a little baby of my own that I won't have to give away when I wake up...lol but that's a long way away. Grrrrr.....weird dreams....
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Easy As That urn:uuid:39824936-4cd4-507d-523f-477c064ab658 2008-11-30T19:14:00-05:00

Simple as that.
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ATA Blogging urn:uuid:7f637a6c-0dcd-1d61-7d8f-547fb82a76e0 2008-11-30T19:12:41-05:00

My Quote urn:uuid:30b5f772-37af-9a35-8ff5-1f64137c6996 2008-11-30T19:11:33-05:00

Liz Miller]]>

I'm Blogging urn:uuid:36d32596-cde7-f4e2-5626-5e044bbc8e02 2008-11-30T19:10:34-05:00

Don't Just Show urn:uuid:e9b20dee-919e-c8b3-e176-0a95f10d9362 2008-11-30T19:09:48-05:00

I'm moving slowly, no need to move fast...

It's really late I've got nothing to fear.

Except that I may loose you my dear.

I wait every day for a call or messege that I know won't come.

So I messege you. So very many...I feel so dumb.

I walk through this cold quiet house and become overtaken,

By a feeling that should not be mistaken.

I stop dead in the hall,

Afraid to move any at all.

I want to turn the corner but I have this suspision,

But right now I'm so crazed I can't trust my intuition.

My fear is that you are here right now, putting me in a bad situation.

My mind fills with fear and desperation,

As I decide which way I should try.

If you are here and I don't know it, I can't lie.

I take a few steps and stand there and blink,

No one is here...did my heart just sink?

Yes...yes it did! But why did it have to?

Because I know what I would do.

I would studder, be happy and mad,

And my anger would make you sad.

My heart would fly and I would want you to stay,

But my mind would make the call for them to take you away.

If you had been there, I would see you no more.

I wouldn't be able to handle what would be in store.

But you aren't standing there, and I'm not happy and happy with that.

Wait!? Where the hell is my brain at!

I wouldn't be happy, no I would be pissed!

But at the same time I'd tell you that you are loved and missed.

I know what's right, but I know what I feel.

And its just to much for me to deal.

I would do the right thing, because my mind would tell me to.

But my heart would be sad at what I would do.

So please don't ever just show up here,

Even the thought fills me with fear.

Because if you did, I would never forgive you,

For what you would force my hand to do.

And I really don't want to loose you.

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Everything I've Done urn:uuid:19f605b0-6d83-d81b-3a48-7bb4e879e779 2008-11-30T19:08:34-05:00

-I've had a hornet fight with my brother.

-I've cleaned my room. :O

-I messed it up again.

-I cooked a big all natual lunch for my family.

-I started fighting with the cat again.

-I drank an energy two days in a row.

-I text almost everyone in my phonebook because I'm lonely.

-I've cuddled with my mommy.

-I've jumped on the trampoline without a coat on.

-I have been on Myspace constantly.

-I've been cleaning more.

-I got 6 new songs and they are all depressing.

-I've sat in the closet and just thought about you for the longest time.

-I've jumped in squircles continuously singing "Mary had a little lamb."

-I've written like two or three blogs. (not counting just from what I can remember.)

-I've done 100 pushups in ten set intervals

-I've practiced with my real sword....

-I banged my head against the wall.

- I counted to ten really slowly.

-I actually wrote an XMA form that I'll try not to forget.

-I worked on kamas till my hands were sore because you like them.

-I refused to watch any movies with any love in them.

-I looked for songs that I liked.

-I played This Litte Piggy with my toes more than once.

-I ate dirty snow and regretted it.

-I played with my doggie.

-I stayed up really late/early.

-I've been a bad little emo kid.

-I've sneezed four times in a row.

-I brought my chicken Bob in the house.

-I tore a couple shirts up.

-I got on your myspace so that I could dust it off.

-I've sent you like a million messeges.

-I've cooked Kettle corn two days in a row.

-I laughed extremely loudly for no apparent reason.

-I cried very quietly for no apparent reason.

-I acted like a total brat to my dad.

-I played air guitar along with the radio.

-I sharpied my hand.

-I let everything out during my XMA form at the tournament and won because of it.

-I played with toys in the bathtub.

-I practiced a new bo form.

-I layed around in PJ's all day.

-I went through and listened to a whole bunch of new songs.

-I drank another Amp.

-I've gotten along with both of my brothers.

-I played your favorite song on Guitar Hero until I could do it perfectly.

-I ate 4 oranges in a row.

-I practiced my form, sticks and nunchucks.

-I wished I could have practiced with you.

-I sat there and wished I could play guitar hero.

-I convinced my BFF to let me borow it.

-I got addicted to Guitar Hero.

-I am getting good at it too.

-I ate a post-it note.

-I ate a whole pound of candy.

-I made up my own song and sang it loud.

-I tried something I never have before.

-I didn't like it.

-I discovered that there is such a thing as water too hot.

-I walked outside in shorts and a tank top for no reason.

-I snapped myself with a hair tie. (not smart)

~and~

-I licked the computer screen....

Only a small fraction of these things are normal. I don't know what's wrong with me...I've just been a little off lately.

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Everything I've Done urn:uuid:26eb83ad-4a91-7487-5a22-efe05e59e655 2008-11-30T19:08:32-05:00

To Whom It May Concern urn:uuid:a56137d3-fe0e-097c-3a7a-33e46c6fe759 2008-11-30T19:06:59-05:00

In this great world that God created for us, there are three different things...there are plants, animals, and germs. Humans? Yea, we are animals. Intellegent animals, but animals all the same. Animals make mistakes. I make mistakes. I'm a human. Nothing more. No matter how much I wished I was perfect. I don't deserve to be respected. I don't deserve to be trusted. I don't deserve to be admired. I don't deserve to be loved. But I am...was. I am a human. I am a TEENAGE human. But what I have done can be forgiven, but never taken back.

I'm content with what I have done, but not the lies I had to tell. Not to the people that I care about. I know that humans are all so predictable, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry for lying to everyone about Wednesdays. I'm sorry for forcing the other participant to loose the trust he had. I'm sorry for making myself look easy. I'm sorry for causing fret. I'm sorry for deceiving my mom. My dad. I'm sorry for using my best friend in the whole world for something so stupid. I'm sorry for using what wasn't mine to use. I'm sorry for trespassing, I'm sorry for lying, I'm sorry for being a teenager. I'm sorry for being adventurous, I'm sorry. I know just saying I'm sorry doesn't change anything. Because I'm sorry is the most overused phrase in the world. I know it is. But what can I do? Drive to find the people I need to apoligize to? Yea, because that would be real great on my record right now. I'm sorry.

I'm not lying to get brownie points because everything that has been said here was just to make sure there is no confusion on how I feel. The trust we have broken can never be fully healed. There will always be that doubt from now on. But I have to say this. Every time I say I love you to Skyler it isn't just something I'm obligated to say. It's something I want him to know. I'm not the type of person who would just flaunt around to everyone. I never would have done what I did if I didn't really love Sky. I'm not just a horney teenager. I really do love him. But I'm sorry for causing everyone so much trouble. I'm sorry for getting Skyler in trouble. I'm sorry for lying. I'm sorry.

Sincerely,

Liz Miller
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I Watched It Burn urn:uuid:3544329d-62a6-f3f5-edcd-d85989949dee 2008-11-30T19:05:51-05:00

Untouched urn:uuid:86767073-e9b2-c542-e4b1-41209d5d6cbe 2008-11-30T19:04:37-05:00

Untouched urn:uuid:1ab66fb0-ed8f-05ed-14de-90a6b41b59df 2008-11-30T19:04:35-05:00

Even Then You Loved Me urn:uuid:88e612c4-2998-3352-20fb-8f7826dcf463 2008-11-30T19:03:37-05:00

When everything started between you and I, I was at my lowest low. Potential death is not something a 16 year old should have to face. But I did. You loved me even though I was depressed. You loved me even though I was angry with God for what I was going through. You loved me and you told me you did. You loved me even though I was being unfaithful those first two times I was with you. You loved me from that first day, even though you had been nothing to me. Even though I had never even given you a second glance. You loved me even though you saw me for who I really was. You had seen me at every emotional peak, and you still found me wonderful. You saw me when I woke up in the morning, and you still told me I was beautiful. You saw me after sparring class when my hair was trashed and I looked like shit and you still told me I looked fine. You defended me from my own insults. And the thing is, you ment every word you said.

I almost can't beleive you love me after that. And you saw all of that before I ever gave you that second glance. You know who I really am. And you knew her before I ever looked at you with potential. I'm always concerned with how I look or act around you and today I realize how stupid I'm being. You loved me without make-up on befoer....what's changed? Not a damn thing. You love me even if my hair is fucked up, or if my make-up is smeared, or if I'm not wearing the coolest clothes. And I can see that now. I love you Skyler, and I'm sorry I didn't see it before. You know me better than anyone else in the world.
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6 Minutes After Yesterday urn:uuid:93884f4a-2f7c-cbf4-5494-74546de5d2f6 2008-11-30T19:02:39-05:00

hey. its currently 6 minutes past yesterday but i can't sleep and i'm choking back tears....but i'm okay. justa little scared. i need you in my life and everything is going to change now. i didn't want it to change. i feel like crying but i know i should waste tears on something this controversial. its pointless. they already suspected and it's not like we are in huge trouble anyway. i may get scolded for not saying when we hung out but i don't care. I love you and that's all there is too it...why couldn't you just say it???? its not like they don't already know. who cares if he heard you. i said it. i told my mom. because it's the truth. i've never been so sure about anything. I know i'm prolly so frigging annoying but i have to make sure i don't implode from holding all this in....i don't know if you will be at ur mom or dads tomorrow...well, today, but call me as soon as you get this. please. i need to talk to you. or just hear you say you love me or something. i can't sleep. i couldn't eat. i choked down a glass of apple cider and i feel like throwing up. maybe i shouldn't tell you all this pointless shit...but i just don't want to implode from the emotional tumoil build up. i'm going to miss being able to hang out. just sitting together talking and laughing about absoluley nothing important. watching the squirells dance around us. listening to the cars zoom by on 15. just sitting doing nothing but looking at you and feeling you near me. just thinking of that makes me want to smile, cry and throw up at the same time. i love you and i miss you and i need you. i won't let you go because of this. i told cameron back just under a year ago that if anyone found out, we were over. you are totally different. i won't leave you. not unless you leave me first. and it would cripple me. i'm like a defenceless child. you are my protector. you hold me and love me and don't let the nasty world hurt me. i love you. please don't leave me cold and alone in the woods with the animals. now is not the time for tears but i'm crying anyway. I can't stop thinking about you. i want to get some sleep but i'm afraid of what terrors will greet me. and seeing as i can't stop thinking about you, i won't be able to get that deep into sleep anyway. who knows...maybe i won't even send this too you. maybe it will be my little secret...it all depends on how i feel when i feel like i've finished typing. i miss you so much and i've only been away from you for four hours. but it feels like years. i guess i got what i ask for. i didn't want to be a secret anymore and here we are...not a secret. my mom partially understands and she says if it's real it will come back...but i don't want it to come back...i never want it to leave. i dont' want things to end this way. i don't want anyone else telling us how to live our lives. i know you are only 14. i know you are still a kid with all your life ahead of you. i'm leaving in 9 months and i'll be in college, and everything will be so hard...my life is turning. and i'm not ready for it. i may have been you weren't with me. but you are and i'm glad you are. i can't beleive that i'm sitting here, telling myself not to cry and i'm crying anyway. i don't want your parents to hate me and think i'm currupt and psycotic. i want them to like me and respect me. but i think i've done enough to loose that. i made you sneak out, i made you fall for me, and now i've gotten us caught. i'm sorry. i love you and i never want to loose you. ever. i don't want to wait for college to get over. i dont' want to wait for you to be out of school. i just want it to be me and you for the rest of eternity. and i'm passed my simple teenage mind. my heart is breaking, and i'm falling to peices. i dont' know what will happen after today. i just don't know. i don't know how you feel about me really. i really think you love me like i love you but a small part of me can't be sure. that small part thinks that i'm going to loose you because of this. that you are going to say "hey wait, this is getting to hard...see ya!" I don't know what i would do. i need you with me. you hold my whole life in your hands. i...i can't live without you beside me. i know i sound like kyla, but i can't help it. what i feel for you isn't kyla's infatuation. this is love. i can feel it. and when you kiss me, i can feel the same love that i feel for you, pouring though me and into you. and i can feel the love you feel for me, pouring out of you and into me. i just feel it. why couldn't you jsut say it. he read you say it before. and he knows so why couldn't you just say it. i almost called you back. but i didn't want ur dad to hate me. i'm sorry for all the trouble i've caused. i understand if you don't feel the same.......but i pray it won't be like that. i love you Skyler Valentine. more than i can ever express. more than i will admit and more than i want others to know. we are ment for one another and no one can take away what we have. you will always have that peice of me no matter what happens...i love you and i always will.

sealed with a tear of love....

okay, several tears...

and some lovesick nausia....

okay and maybe a little freaking out.

but who cares, i don't, but i love you

don't leave me alone with the animals...don't leave me alone.

with all the love in my heart,

affectionately yours truely forever,

me
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I'm Such A Ninja! urn:uuid:a0694b47-3d95-ac56-645f-67259fc4fe95 2008-11-30T19:00:36-05:00

Okay, we have a pond in our back yard, and a deer walked behind it, and I wanted to get some good pictures of it, so I went outside and started sneaking around the pond so not to startle it. It walked to our apple trees and I snuck all the way around the pond and got within 20 feet of it, when I was about to take a picture, a frog jumped on my foot, so I kicked it off and sent it flying into the weeds next to me...unfortunatly the frog made noise as it wnet hurling through the air, and the deer got scared of the frog and ran away so I didn't get any close ups...but I SNUCK UP ON A FRIGGIN DEAR!!!! I FEEL SO NINJA!!!!!! DEAR ARE ABOUT IMPOSSIBLE TO SNEAK UP ON AND I DID IT!

sorry...just proud of myself. XD
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A Meaningful Quote urn:uuid:7d4a4be6-cc03-2994-fddb-9ea45c9ca620 2008-11-30T18:59:07-05:00

Seems that everything I do I screw up....Seems that no matter how much something means to me, no matter how much I would give to protect it I loose it...
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Romeo, Romeo, Wherefore art thou Romeo? urn:uuid:16b94104-175f-b410-46fd-f1fb723a1123 2008-11-30T18:58:11-05:00

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Romeo save me - they're tryin' to tell me how to feel;
This love is difficult, but it's real.
Don't be afraid; we'll make it out of this mess.
It's a life story - baby just say "Yes.'

~

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