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So I went to the doctor's this morning. Routine stuff. Celine came with me because it's in Manhattan, pretty close to the beach, so we decided to tan after. While I'm waiting to get called, Celine and I are talking about boys. About ten minutes into it, the mid-thirties-looking guy a couple seats down turns to us and says, "I heard your coversation. And I have to say, you guys are pathetic." I knew he was going to launch into some unsolicited advice, so I put on my best fake smile and waited. He continued, "And I say that with love. I used to be an a**, a twenty-two year old military hardened jerk. But I've been married for fourteen years, and I'm like putty in my wife's hands." Anyway, he basically went on to say, if he's not worh it, don't put up with it. Frankly speaking, his exact words were, "Don't take his sh**. Actions speak louder than words. The less you say, the better." He looked at Celine and said, "When he's acting that way, don't argue with him. Just look at him and say, 'When you act like that, do you think you're making me feel special?' And walk away. I guarantee in twenty minutes he'll come back kissing your butt." To which the elderly black lady next to us said, "Mmhmm, couple pretty girls like you two shouldn't have to take that."
Anyway, I got called in so the rest of the conversation continued without me. Apparently though, his advice helped Celine with Robbie tonight. So go random stranger!
I got to thinking about his main advice. Don't take his crap. So I decided I'm really tired of getting Jeremy's kisses and his fickle affection. He acts like a boyfried sometimes, has his really sweet one liners, but comes over only when he wants to, doesn't return my full-hearted attempts at thoughtfulness. And I could never hold him to it. I could never say, "Sometimes I want to see you when I want to see you. Everything's been on your terms. I need you to be thoughtful." Because, hey, he's not my boyfriend. and he has no intention of being my boyfriend. I have absolutely no claim on him. And he's only been straight with me about it. I can't expect more than what he said he'd be able to give me. But I can't help but like him a lot. I've pretty much got my heart in a blender for him and I'm just waiting for him to hit "puree." So I told him tonight I can't do it anymore. Let's just go back to being honest friends. You know, the kind who don't kiss when no one's looking. And he agreed.
I feel like an idiot about it. I don't know why. Something about shyly offering bits of yourself to someone else and not being received the way you'd like. I feel like I had no choice. Like I was giving him my body for my own fun (because it was fun), not realizing that each time I was handing him more and more of the me that has much more to do with who I really am than just my body. I thought I could keep that separate. Unfortunately, despite all evidence to the contrary, I'm a hopeless romantic, and when he kissed me everything else disappeared. But there's no turning around now. Once I'm done, I'm done. He won't be though. I can tell. He'll keep wanting more, and I think when he's ready and I'm gone, he'll just be another one of those guys in my past who wishes he'd held on when he had the chance. I just hope I don't hear it later. Maybe this one will keep it to himself and let me be.
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Posted by yalith777 on 2008-06-19 04:31:10 | Rating: | Views: 37
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Ahhh, I am a retire player if you ever need advice on how to deal with any situation contact me....read my blog I have marriage crisis and i wonder how long until i explode....and you should read my blog it will give you some insight...like there are times when it is okay to play the fool if it is for a higher reason...like for the soul or for the heart...and yes no body should treat you second best unless you want that...but at times that is all you can get and thats okay if you realize your place in this world:)...remember God Loves You....
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Posted by JLOyola
on 2008-06-19 05:07:11
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