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It was the perfect relationship-or so I thought. Met him one of my film project. We shared same passions. We both love films. In fact, it was after watching a movie that’s when we’ve started…..
I admit, once in awhile, I have doubts with his “sexual orientation”. Some of his mannerisms made me cringe. “Like, when I’d sometimes tease him, he’d gonna answer,”Whatever!” while rolling his eyes- ( di ba girls do that?! =D ), or when I’d gush about a guy & he’d agree & even say he’s cute. ( Eh,guys don’t say that,other guys are cute, do they?! =D ).
But I just shrugged off these little idiosyncrasies & relished our virtually LQ-Free relationship. I was happy with him for almost 3mons. into d’ relationship. Then suddenly I realized that he, WASN’T THE MAN I THOUGHT HE WAS.
Well according to some psychologist, “Some men even get married & have kids”, not necessarily to conceal their sexual orientation, but because sometimes they don’t discover their true orientation until later on in their lives.
Usually these married men (or men with kids) may feel unhappy all throughout their relationship with their female partners, not knowing that it’s because they’re not who they really are. And the only way they can finally be happy is when they allow themselves to be the persons that they’ve always been.
We really became good friends. We connected on so many levels. And they say that the best foundation for a relationship is friendship, di ba? But I gez NOT.
However, if things had worked out between us despite of his sexual orientation, “I would probably-(though unknowingly)-exert a lot of effort in trying to fix him. I may admit it, that I would hope that I’d be able to turn him into a straight man”.
I erroneously assume that is a man’s choice to become a gay. “People should remember that sexual orientation is not a choice. It’s something innate”.
“Usually gay men offer male friendship that’s free from game-playing”. Women can relax & be themselves with gay men, in a way that’s usually not possible with hetero men”.
“Other gay men are potential boyfriends(he does!),& that complicate potential friendship.(between gays).”
“Women who are drawn to gay men can be likened to women who have a penchant for married men.” Desiring men they know they can’t have. These women are likely attracted to & even excited by d’ idea of nurturing something special. A loving relationship with(a gay man) but deep inside, are not really hoping or expecting a full-blown commitment.
“Gay men may look appealing as friends, but a Gay guy is never going to be genuinely available for a commited relationship with someone, OTHER THAN A MAN”.
I’ve found out that I’ve dated a man, who turned out to be a closeted GAY MAN.
So,what happens when a Gay man finally comes out to his wife? Well, the option of staying is more available as homosexuality has lost much of it’s stigma over a decade or so, being Gay doesn’t seem so perverse oe exotic anymore. Staying together may be a viable option.
Some men are late bloomers who rarely gave their sexuality a thought, until one day they woke up to their “same-sex attraction” after years of marriage. Others, especially those from religious backgrounds, “hoped that marriage or having a kid”, might “STRAIGHTEN THEM OUT”.
“Although some men pursue relationships with women precisely to mask their true sexual preference”, but not all Gay men use their partners to remain in the closet. As I said, some men don’t discover that they’re Gay, until they are older.
In my case, I discovered his real orientation, before our relationship had developed into something more serious.
“Unfortunately, I never really found out if he was already aware that he was Gay when we hooked up, or if our relatio was his epiphany”.
But whether he did or not conscious of his sexuality, the friendship that we had before we became a couple, is enough indication that there was a “connection & that obviously I cared for”.
“We’re good friends, until I decided to took it a step further, which confused him.=) It’s likely he totally avoided(my sincere love for him), because it was a very awkward situation & that confrontation about it. He assumed, would only worsen d’ circumstances & end up hurting each other’s feelings.But….Whoa! been there, done that!”
I recall, He’s super funny! And he really understands me. I can be at my worst & I know he’d still be there for me. And that was one thing that I loved about him. “HE WAS THE KINDEST, SENSITIVE, MOST UNDERSTANDING, & ACCEPTING FRIEND THAT I HAD”.
Women want sensitive caring men. Yet bcoz we teach guys to repel these qualities in themselves. Women often have trouble finding someone who shares the same qualities. Hence, women find something appealing in Gay men, as they tend to be more “feminine” in d’ sense that they are more likely to express feelings & such.
“Many women tune in to this quality as a desired characteristics of a mate, & therefore develop deep feelings for Gay men”.
Women who fall for (Gay men) are sometimes “FULLY AWARE” that they’re developing feelings “FOR SOMEONE GAY”, but provides them a sense of reassurance. Deep down, they know it, wouldn’t set off a GENUINE MAN-WOMAN RELATIONSHIP.
“But & but…it would be painful to be rejected by someone whose reason is not bcoz of who…. or what you are as a person……. but bcoz of, HIS SEXUAL ORIENTATION”.
I realized it one morning that I was in love with him. And I never got to express my TRUE FEELINGS for him. But I gez it’s too late……… he already BROKE MY HEART, when I finally decided to have a full-blown commitment with him.=(
But the more upsetting was, “I REALIZED THAT ALL THIS TIME, I HAD HELPED A GAY MAN, REMAIN HIDDEN IN THE CLOSET”.
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Posted by xxxtremes on 2008-06-06 20:50:11 | Rating: | Views: 40
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