It was really ok for me then, I was ok with it! I knew what i got in to and so i must live with it as if I don't care. I've never been jealous! But it's weird now. I feel hurt everytime they are together and I can't stand seeing them sweet. Like I'm becoming possesive? I hate it because I know that I don't have the right to feel that way. I cannot contain my emotions anymore. It manifests through my actions everytime I get jealous. I don't talk to him when he talks to me. The longer I stay in this relationship the more painful it is for me.

There was this instance were we talked about why I was acting that way. I didn't wanna talk about it. He pleaded until i told him what I've been feeling. He's also having a hard time of our relationship. We both are. So he asked what instances have i been jealous! What question was that???? Does jealousy have to be selective??! f course not! And it hurts. really hurts. I told him everything.  
 
Yes, we're in love! We're having the relationship damn good....but still no matter how he tries not to make me feel the mistress.. it still feel it.. Maybe that's the saddest part of the realationship. Our relationship is abnormal no matter how you try to pretend that it's the perfect thing in the world. We've never fought. We're so much happy when we're together. It's just that there will always be a time for me to feel that I'm a mistress! I don't know if i still would want to stay but I'm hurting. it also hurts to let go. I love him so much. ...................not decided yet!!!! grrrr.......!!!!!!!