As I sit here, I can feel a very large black cloud form above my head.
In other words, I had a very horrible day.

My boyfriend, of only ONE WEEK, broke up with me. Unfortuantly, I saw it comming. This morning he casually asked, 'can I talk to you afterschool?' with a sweet smile. At first I knew he was going to break up with me, and I was pretty off and almost to tears at first period. The feeling was pretty strong untill second period, where I have a religion cource with him. With the sweet smile and a reassuring hug, I made myself believe everything was fine when it clearly wasn't.

By the time fifth, or last, period came around I was freaking out again. My mind was racing and my hope was lost. I really didn't want to lose him..

Finally the school bell rings and I am getting worse by the second. I couldn't even enjoy the fact it was Friday and the weekend was finally here.

I go outside the school and see him. I know he's waiting for me. And then the moment I had been dreading all day came..

It starts off with a hug, which he's amazing at, that leads him to softly say 'can I talk to you?' near my ear. I say yes which leads us leaning on to this wall, face to face, with his hand gently on my shoulder.

He looks into my eyes with a really caring look. So I knew he ment it when he said,
'This is really hard for me to do. But I think, us, has been awkward. But I want us to stay friends because your a really cool friend' [considering my mind was everywhere at that moment, I may have forgotten a line or word]

The rest of my time with him is blurr in my mind. I remember he genuinly looked concerened when he asked, 'Are you okay?' at one point. And I did get a hug or two before I quickly left. I couldn't be there any longer, I had to walk away and get out as fast as I could.

When I walked home, I struggled to stay strong. I fought my tears with deep breaths and slowly saying, 'your stronger than this' and other things. But I didn't reassure myself. Not then and not now.

My best friend, Jas, is my big sister. Whenever anything is wrong I go to her and she knows exactally how to make me feel better or the perfect advice to get me through whatever is happening.

So when I saw her walking I caulght up with her and we talked about it while her boyfriend and his friend were being 'manly' while playing on the swings and childrens tiny playground. She gave me a hugs in between my breif announcement and explanation. I walked and stayed at her house for awhile.

When I got home I went straight for the hot chocolate because of the lack of chocolate in my house; and I took it with me while I watched and sang to the movie 'RENT' [because I don't own Rocky Horror Picture Show, gah]. My twisted therapy.

Three large cups of hot choco, too many songs to name, and a quarter of a lyric later Im typing to you with a healing heart. Im not mad at him and I am not planning on getting mad at him. I really want to be his friend because he is an amazing person and I don't want to lose him all togeather. Im mostly just trying to slowly heal and think of him as just a close friend. I know this will take time because I have liked him for so long. I just can't go turn off how I feel or expect to get over him over night which is really killing me right now.

Hopefully things will get better before I break