I wish people wouldn't judge me. I go to a private high school, so I wear a uniform. But that doesn't mean I am a rich, annoying clone like almost all the other girls at my school. I went to the mall the other day in my uniform (which I did not do on my own free will) with three of my "friends" because we wanted to see Superbad. After the movie they wanted to go to some stores so I just went with obviously, and as we were walking through the mall I could see everyone looking at us (not being paranoid or conceited, I saw people looking at us, talking, and making faces like "what annoying girls"). I'm just walking through the mall, wearing a uniform, and suddenly I am a girl who has no personality of her own. You would think the only ones being judged are the ones who are wearing all black with fifty piercings in their face. Everyone is judged! Okay, well, the three girls I was with are annoying, actually. That's why I wanted to cry when I was at the mall. I can't stand being around them. So, you are obviously asking why I hang out with them? Well that's the messed up situation I'm in. I hang out with people I usually hate at the school I go to. I dont have any real friends that go there. Maybe one. My dad makes me go to this school and he knows that I hate it but he doesnt care what I want or how I feel, he's told me before.
Well, the type of guys that I like are usually the, sounds stupid, but emo type. Like with the cute hair and maybe glasses. Kinda dorky but I think they're cute. Now most of those guys look at me and probobly assume I am an annoying girl with "daddy's credit card" who loves the tan surfer guys with long blonde hair (no thanks). On the outside I guess I look like that, but on the inside I'm not! But no one gets to know me enough to know how I really am.
It's frustrating.
And hard to explain.
I dont have anyone to really talk to about this so that's why I'm posting a journal entry online for random people to read (if they even care to) and maybe comment to tell me what they think.
I never take chances...go out on a whim...do crazy things that I never would.
If i did I bet I would have all these things that I want. Well..maybe.
I wish I could be more of a risk taker.
Posted by xbeepbeeplovex on 2007-08-24 11:32:37 | Rating: n/a | Views: 124
Hi,
I gather that one of the problems is that you care too much about what people think.
Everyone cares, but you can't let that be a deciding factor in your life, because trust me, no matter what you do, people WILL judge you. Whether you're emo, a cheerleader, a "nerd"...that's exactly it, people will label you, so just let it roll off your shoulders!!!
As far as hanging out with people you dislike...slowly get away from them and make the effort to befriend someone else you can hang out with. Join an after school activity where you know the "type" of people you like will be there...for example, if you like the Artsy type...join the Art Club, Yearbook Club..if you like to be around athletic people, join the Fitness club and so on.
You have to make a conscious effort to be happy and stop pleasing others because YOU are the most important person.
If your dad is not willing to let you choose what school you go to, suck it up! and make the best of it. Don't dwell on it, if you have tried to talk to him and know he won't change his mind, then just make the best of it.
Well this is getting long...Hope it helps even if just a little!
i personally think you should like what you want to like. act how you want to act. just be yourself. if you like the emo guy, GO FOR IT! i did it, and my mom HATED him! haha.. but she got over it because she found out that it really is whats inside that counts. plus, she couldnt do anything about it. lol
i also think you should find people that you like, if people annoy you, dont hang out with them as much. dont completely ditch them, but you can find new friends, i just know it.
I personally like cute girls in uniform....kinda sexy...not trying to hit on your or anything...but maybe people are looking at you with interest sometimes?
at any rate find some good friends...there are always a few in a good size school, generally.
