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The Lesson of Responsibility

Responsibility... that's my lesson of the year. Why? Because apparantly I have none.

I agree that it's a subject that needs improvment. I have a tendancy to not think things through, to just live in the moment and not worry about what comes later...which in most cases, isn't a good thing. It's not that I disagree with the lesson being taught, just the method in which it is being taught. I just don't understand it.

What brought this on, was what they call a "shopping spree". In my eyes, a shopping spree is when you go out shopping without a list, where your just looking and you buy whatever you see. But that wasn't what this was.

I had a list. I knew what I was buying and I made sure I shopped for bargains. I asked permission to buy these items like I was told to do. i showed my list to them, told them both, more than once, that I didn't know how much it would cost to get what I needed. And with all that information, they said yes...they said I could shop for what I needed. And they didn't give me a limit at which to stop.

So I go shopping. I'm buying only what's on my list, don't stray from it at all. I'm keeping track of what I've spent in my head, I"m writing it down on the list next to the item. I'm doing this over a period of a few days, so when the deductions start coming out of the bank, I go to my account and double check the amounts, like a good responsible girl. And guess what?! The amounts are different that what I have!

So I did what I was supposed to do and I stopped buying stuff.    I didn't even get everything on the list that I needed. I went to noel, told her that I'd made some purchases and that I didn't know how much it was going to be. I mean, how could I, my numbers didn't add up to what the banks did.

So of course, she flips out. And I knew she would, I'm not upset about that, Noel flips out about money all teh time. So while she's flipping out, I'm trying to figure out where I went wrong. i double check the websites, my prices match what they have, not what the bank has. I even called places and people, emailed them, jsut to make sure my numbers were correct. They were.

Still with me?

So I let teh matter drop, Noel works out the budget so we dont' go over and i think everything's fine, after all this wasn't useless crap I needed to adorn my walls, its legitimate items for birthdays and fathers day and showers and all that stuff.

Then today I get summoned and told that I'm going to pay the budget back because they don't like that I spent without permission. I tell them that I asked permission and they granted it, to which they reply that they never gave me permission to spend that much money.

I explain the whole story to them, i reminded them that I showed Noel teh list and she even gave me permission to buy the stuff, I told them about the numbers not adding up, to which I'm told "then you didn't keep track very well, did you?"

That jsut stopped me in my tracks. Talk about a huge peice of confusion. He tells me all the time that he'll never be mad about something that fails as long as I try my best and that when you make a mistake you won't get in trouble.  But here he is, upset over the fact that my numbers don't add up, even though I did the best I could and it was a mistake.   I'm not even sure what mistake it was, but I obviously didn't do it on purpose. I would never lie to him, ever, so he knows it was a mistake and yet I'm still in trouble.   Does that make sense to anyone else? If so, please explain it cus it doesn't me.

I asked for permission. i told them I didn't know the price. I made a list and showed it to Noel, who again gave permission. I kept track of how much I spent and when the amounts coming out of the bank were different than the amounts i had, I stopped purchasing things. I told Noel what happened and I tried to figure it out on my own, which I couldn't.

so tell me....what did I do wrong? Where did it go so horribly wrong that I am being punished for doing something I was given permission to do?

He keeps saying that I have to be responsible for my own actions. While I understand that and I agree with that, some of those purchases were not my own actions. And I told him that. I told him that other people were involved, they were presents from a group of us, I just happened to be the one to pick it up and pay the store.

They helped pick it out, their name is going to be attached to it as well, so why am I being held responsible for their actions? It's items that a group of us in the house purchased together, so why am I the only one having to pay it back?

And that's teh question I ask and after a conversation, I tell them I still don't understand. I'm told "Just forget about it, you're not ready for this, I'll take care of it, don't worry about it" aka "I don't think you can do this, so there's no point in trying, I give up". WTF

I was told from day one that when I didn't understand something I could ask questions. Apparantly, that's not true, because when i do, I get told I'm being given up on. How the hell do you know if I'm ready if your not willing to let me try? And doesn't trying to understand it better prove that I'm more ready than you give me credit for? What....am I really not worth the explanations and the time it takes to say them? If that's the case, then why do they bother with me?

And he says me paying the money back is not a punishment. They both did. It's to teach me responsibility and it is not a punishment. That's what they said. Listen....this may be a punishment that teaches responsibility, but it is still a punishment.

You do something wrong and you get consequences. The consequences are your punishment for having done something wrong. They say i did wrong by shopping, even though I was given permission to do so, which makes paying it back, the punishment.

I am still so confused about all of it. I thought I was doing everything I was supposed to. And to be honest, it feels like a set up. I'm given permission to do something, I do it, and now I'm in trouble for doing it. I've lived with that scenerio before...it is NOT something that I should have with these two particular people.

I don't understand any of it and I want to understand, but it's not going to happen. I won't be asking anymore questions anytime soon and it's not like I'll be bringing it up again after this. And it doesn't really matter if I understand or not, does it?   All that matters is that they're happy.

They want it paid back. It'll get paid back.

Stephie

I'm just adding in something here. I double checked your numbers Stephie and I know what happened. You only wrote down the price of the item, you didn't add in tax and shipping. When you do, you get the banks amounts.

AND ::hugs:: He's not Chad. He'd never set you up for a punishment, sweetie. Triston loves you.

Kia

P.s. :: giggles:: I'm sitting right next to you and instead of talking I'm typing. How funny is that?

Lol. At least we won't wake anyone up this way. :)

:: sigh:: So it was my fault the numbers got messed up, but it was still a MISTAKE, something that doesn't warrant unhappiness.

And I know Kia. I know he'd never set me up like Chad used to. It just hit a little bit too close to that part of my past for comfort, if you know what I mean. But, in the morning, he'll read this and he'll fix it, cus that's what he does.

And he does it so well, too. :: smiles:: And he's handsome too. Very Very handsome.

He's not a straw, Kia. Don't suck up. Wouldn't do you any good anyway. He'd never let you go smoke a cigarette, especially when your owner says no.

My Mistress is very pretty, dont' you think? And strong? ::smiles::

She's not a straw either lol. Come on, Ms. Marlboro......we have to go to bed, it's 2:42. We were supposed to be in bed 12 minutes ago.

Alright, i'm coming, I'm coming. Love you, sweetie.

love you too

night everyone!

Posted by xadorableonex on 2009-06-26 05:29:47 | Rating: