| View Blog
|
|
|
|
| Nothing Right |
I try as hard as I possibly can to do what i'm supposed to and to fix things when they go wrong, but it's painfully becoming clear that I'm not good at doing either. It doesn't matter what I do or say , people just aren't happy.
I used to always beleive that the result was far more important than the effort behind it. I was beginning to beleive that I'd been wrong, but now I'm beginning to think I think I was right the first time.
Another thing that has been on my mind is what I bring to the table in my current situation with everyone. I'm nto sure I bring anything. Every girl here contributes something, every person has their reason why they're here, a job so to speak, something that if they weren't here, the world would stumble.
Noel's the foundation....she's the one that keeps everything in order, the one that makes sure everything that's supposed to happen, happens. Without her, there'd be chaos and we'd probably have no place to live.
Cass is our security guard and nurse. She makes sure everyone here is safe, whether it be by providing us with a bandage or reminding us to lock the doors because its something that we, for whatever reason, never remember. Without her, we'd probably be broken into and bleeding all over the carpet. Anyone else notice that anytime you need a bandaid, you can never find one, until someone else starts looking with you?
Kia's the one that keeps us real. She's able to separate the facts from the fiction and throws the fiction out the window because where's there's fiction, there's drama and she doesn't do drama, at all. She is bare-bones, this is how it is and if you don't like it, then too bad.
And Hannah is the one that gels all of them together. She's the one that comes up with the most brilliant of plans that keeps everyone happy instead of just one person happy. She literally is the tie that binds them all together.
Now what am I? ::shrugs:: Nothing. I have no special role, no special thing I bring to the table. If I wasnt' here, the world would carry on exactly like it does today. And while I think everyone can agree that I am superb at creating headaches for them, I'm sure they'd also agree that the world is better off without my blasted headaches.
I'm not trying to sound like woah is me. This isn't a cry for attention. it's a legitimate topic that I worry about. What's the point of keeping me around when I bring nothing? I just don't get it.
Tre doesn't think of himself as my brother or me as his sister. I tried talking about it, but the only reply I get is "Well, he's not your brother." Well, yes, that's true. Technically speaking, he's not my brother. he's my cousin, but at the same time, he is my brother....he always has been. At least I thought he was.
I dont' understand. Did I do something wrong, something shameful? Am i not worthy of being called his sister? And why didn't he tell me all fo this when we talked about it? The very first time I called him brother, we sat down and we talked and i left thinking he considered me his sister, like I considered him my brother. But he doesn't. he never has.
I'm a cousin. That's all. nothing more, nothing less. I know that I should be grateful that I'm anything to him at all, and I am...dont get me wrong, but I can't help feeling a little bit hurt. I obviously misjudged my relationship with Tre.........it makes me wonder how many more relationships i've done that with.
|
|
Posted by xadorableonex on 2009-07-04 00:14:39 | Rating: | Views: 19
|
|
| |
|
|
Email This to a Friend 