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I'm a loser babyy, so why don't you kill me?

Is is bad for you if you pop your neck a lot?? Sorry random question just wonderin. But that is not what this blog entry is about. Okay, so far as I see it, people have different sections of their soul I guess you could say. There is the personality trait, the spiritual trait, and the emotional side. Now there are all sorts of other little sides and extra detailed sections but I'm just trying to break it up into 3 main parts. My personality is pretty okay. I mean I'm not schitzophrenic or anything... at least not for the most part. Basically my personality is fine, I like it actually. My spiritual side is wonderul. I feel like me and God are like two peas in a pod. I feel close to Him and that brings warmth on from the inside of the depths of your soul. But my emotional side now, THAT side is a whole different story.
Using this method of clissifying myself has really opened my eyes to how I may feel about... well, MYSELF. I discovered it's not me I dislike. I actually like how I am. Well, most of the time. I like how I'm nice, and compassionate. I even like how I'm crazy and quirky with my funnyness. But that is the personality side of me. I discovered it's the emotional side that I just can't stand. I don't know why but there are prospects of how I feel that I just can't explain. Like why I don't like spending the night at friends houses. Don't ask me why cause I don't know. Or... well, types of things like that. Things that would be great and fun to NORMAL people but for me, no. The emotional side of my soul (that sounds kinda cheesy but it's a good way to put it) is mangled. torn up. Thrashed and bruised and so far beyond repair I don't know if there is hope. It's not that I'm broken hearted so to say. It's just that, well. I can't really, FEEL anything. I'm dating "Oliver" now. After alll of that stuff that happened. We're finally together.
but I don't really like him anymore.
I mean, I do. But. ugh. You see I can't explain it. I don't even know how I feel! I like him. But then again it's like I sorta want to avoid him. I want it to be like it used to be wayy back before we really started expressing how we felt and when I would be so happy for just seeing him in the hallway for one second. I want my heart to jump when he says hi and I want my smile to be real. But it's not. I don't know why.
My emotions are just so far gone.
I mean, it's like I'm numb. Like I'm just indifferent. I don't want to break up with him. I don't want to let this go cause maybe just MAYBE there is hope that I will start to fall for him again and I can finally just be HAPPY. I mean truly and utterly happy. I don't feel that way often and haven't felt just like I would have eternal bliss in soooo long. Now I have the chance to. He's so sweet. He's nice. He's caring. He's all I could ask for. And more. But... it's just not all there. I'm just.... idk. GONE. I can't explain this I hardly even know what's going on with me! Actually, let me correct that. I DON'T know what's going on with me. I don't know how long this has been like this or how it happened. But. It's really weird. Idk. Maybe there is another poor and lonely soul out there who feels the same as me...