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I haven't really spoken to my best friend Aubrey in almost a month now. Like two weeks ago she wrote me this four page letter (front and back) that basically said that she was sorry for everything and that she did have feelings for me but didn't really know how to define them. I didn't know how to respond to that so I decided to take the childish way out and ignore her completely. I mean she obviously knows how I feel about her so I don't know what she wants me to say. This whole situation is so emotionally draining that I don't even like to think about it which is why I haven't bloged about it until now. I know this sounds kind of pathetic but I still really love her. I don't want her out of my life but i'm not sure that it's a good idea to keep her in it. I swear I have read that letter at least twice a day since she gave it to me and I still don't know what to do about it.
Today while I was driving to my friends house that song by The Used called Earthquake came on the radio and I started to cry. So I called her and we talked for a little while both of us totally ignoring the letter. She said she was really happy that I called and how we should have lunch tomorrow. I'm looking foward to seeing her getting everything out in the open. But at the same time i'm scared. What if we do decide to have a relationship? I feel like if we did have a relationship that it would be one sided. I'm quite sure that she doesn't care about me the way I care about her meaning that I would allways be the one giving my love and attention. It was allready like that in our friendship so why would it be diffrent in a relationship? And to be honest i'm still really upset about what happend the last time.
I just want to get tomorrow over with....
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It went really good. We still didn't talk about everything like I had wanted to but we did make really good progress. I was 100 percent honest with her about everything. I told her that I was gay (which apparently i'm not very good at hiding because she already knew) and I also told her about the other girl that I have been kind of talking to lately. She seemed a little hurt by that but I didn't want to hide anything from her. She opened up to me alot which was great. I'm still really not sure where we stand but I think it's going somewhere and I guess thats more than I can ask for.
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Posted by xWASTEDxTRAGEDYx
on 2007-09-11 19:38:22
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hey kiddo- i hope you dont get hurt -- but you never know she might be different in a relationship than it just being one sided who knows i mean go for it and see what happenes -- when i was in the sam situation with Autumn i made her these CD's we still listen to them now and i wrote why i chose the songs that i did and it was great it opened things up alot -- Good luck
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Posted by UrUnderMySkin
on 2007-09-13 18:05:28
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| Views: 126
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