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confusion

So this morning I get a call from a private number so I answer and it's Aubrey. At first I wanted to hang up but somehow I stay on the phone with her and after about 2 hours I agree to go to her house so we can talk face to face. While I was driving I started to get myself pissed, I had all this stuff that I was going to say to her and the more I drove the more upset I got so by the time I got there I was about to explode out of anger. So I ring the door bell. She answers and instantly the anger is gone and is followed by a flood of other emotions. Sadness, happiness, needyness, and most of all weakness.

We talked alot about our whole situation. She knows what she did was wrong and I really believe her when she says she's sorry about it. But I can't bring myself to believe that it wont happen again. I don't trust her. But I am weak. I am so very weak when it comes to her. I need her.

I told Greg and Andrew about the situation and Greg got so incredibly upset about it, I was really not expecting him to be that pissed. He said that I was a "fucking idiot" and that I better not bring her into the apartment and all this other shit. That hurt me so bad. He's my best friend and I thought he would be more understanding about this.

After Greg went to his room Andrew was trying so hard to comfort me but he couldnt. I love Andrew, he's a really good friend but he doesnt understand at all. So now once again I am depressed and have no one to talk to. I really don't know what I should do. I know what I WANT to do, I want to be with her. I want to be happy. But I feel like everything else inside of me is saying not to.

I thought writing about it would make me feel better but it's not. I think im going to go to jack in the box and get alot of food.