Do you ever find yourself in that quiet place? The place where you could sit, silent and dead still, for hours and hours, because even though the world around you is in chaos, it feels like you're body's slowed itself down. And you feel depth sinking inside you, reaching down into the core of who you are, how you feel. You sit in stillness and silence, because there's nothing more you can do. I was there today. Usually days like this work for me, because the deeper I reach into my soul, the better my poems and songs are, the more honest. But today, and I've found, for a long time, I can't express myself. My heart is full but my words are empty.
I sit behind my guitar, but no sound can be heard from it or me. Because the words that used to overflow from my heart and head are slipping out unnoticed. Why? Don't I feel the way I used to? Maybe blocking off my emotions for so long has caused them to be lost completely. Yes, I feel surface emotions- happy, sad, excited... But anything past the smooth coat of protection I put on myself just bounces back deeper, rather than pouring out. Outside I'm bubbly, or bleak, or amped. Inside I'm always screaming. Screaming to let how I'm feeling out, but it doesn't happen, it can't happen. My heart is full, but my words are empty. My face is empty. Does that make my life empty?