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Sure

Ok so I'm making this to get my feelings out. The only thing is I'm pretty much copying my best friends ideas so i dont want to take that from her. She can't know I'm doing this. I feel like the biggest jerk ever. My best friend lied to me when she said she'd be cool if i went out with this one boy and didn't mean it. So i went out with this boy again and asked and again she said yes but swore to me she wasnt lying. i recently broke up with this boy and it seemed to me that she lied again. only thing is she didnt. well i didnt think so at first and i flipped on her. like a crazy person. i feel so terrible. this isnt for anyone inparticular to read anyway. whatever why do i have to screw up so much. i sent her a message saying how sorry i was. knowing how wonderful she is she'll understand which makes all of this much harder. why do i have to be so stupid to a girl who was sweeter to me than any other friend i ever had. she was there when i needed it most and she cared more than most. i dont know. i guess i just screwed everything up. she wont think anything of it which makes it terrible. AGH! why do i get myself in these kind of situations. i dont know. i really dont. i must be insane when on a regular basis i seem to be a sane person in my view. I just dont seem to be practicing what i preach. how incredibly terrible of me. i dont want to be hypocritical but apparently thats what i lead myself to be. why do is it that i can say this to no one so much easier than to someone that i care for greatly. i have no idea but i have an urge to find out.

note to self: figure out why people who mean a lot cant know a lot or why youre more embarrassed to say something to them. shouldnt they be who you tell everything to? ill let you know when i figure it out.