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I just got back from one of the greatest weeks of my life. My IV (Intervarsity Christian Fellowship)chapter from school went on a week long retreat camp up in Cedarville, Michigan. One of the best retreats I have ever been on. I met incredible people in my chapter that became my friends, I found God in ways and in places that I never thought I would, and I went in being completely open which is not me at all.
The two weeks before Cedar campus were two of the worst this year. My friends had went on retreat and were not very happy with the outcome, two of my friend's friendships were falling apart, and one of mine and my sister's friends committed suicide. Needless to say I was needed and wanted to be at home, but I also wanted to be at Cedar campus. The first day or two were really rough on me. We spent the first night in Green Bay and then traveled the rest of the way to Michigan Saturday. I am really happy that I decided to go and have come back with no regrets. I got some really sad news when I got back Saturday night from Michigan as well, but I am hoping that the things I learned in the past week will be able to help me and help me to help others as well.
Surprisingly I went into this retreat with no expectations of God...I went in with a few for myself and I blew myself away. I thought I learned my lesson of expectations, but I guess I still haven't. I went in thinking that whatever God has planned for me is what is going to happen. I wasn't scared about not knowing anyone or talking in my small group. I was hoping that maybe this week would stretch my comfort zone a bit and boy did it.
The second or third night there I talked to one of the girls in my chapter for almost two hours about the two weeks prior to coming to Cedar campus and how I had not done anything to cope with my friends death and basically how I was feeling about being there and my home situation as well as my friends. She was the very first girl outside my small circle of friends back home that I have ever talked that in depth with ever. I was amazed at how easily it had come to me. She never really had to pry for answers or even to get me to start talking. I did it all on my own. Last year or even the past couple months I never in my life would have thought about doing anything like that. The cool thing was that after we were done talking she prayed for me and my sister and a couple other things. She wasn't the only one I opened up to. I connected with my future roommate for the fall and one other girl from my chapter. It was weird that I was actually talking to girls, my first time in a long time.
I did a lot of socializing actually. I knew all but three of the people that had gone on the trip, well I knew there names but not much else. I got to know Ethan* pretty well this past week, and some of the other guys as well. All in all I made a couple close friends this week. We played a lot of Ultimate Frisbee and Bags (Bean Bags), because that is what my school does. On the Sabbath we went to town and got ice cream and watch a bunch of people from our track jump into the lake. On one of the last days there my track walked to Narnia which was absolutely beautiful. My school has a couple traditions that they follow every year that they go up and one of them is to go Narnia and place a rock on a pile that has been there forever and give your testimony of what God has done for you that week. It was a great experience.
My track was Encountering God...basically we did a ton of P&W (Praise and Worship) one of my fav things to do ever! And learned about different ways in which we encounter God in everyday life from the things we do to the things we see. We studied a lot of manuscripts and talked about the meanings and how the stories of the bible related to our everyday lives. We also participated in two retreats of silence. I'm pretty sure that was the hardest thing out of the entire week. I am a very quite introverted person, but my mind has a huge tendency to wander so it was very difficult for me to keep my concentration on God, and not the past two weeks and other things going on back home.
I've always been a very strong independent person, but this past week has shown me just how independent I had become and that not only was I pushing people away, but God as well. My independence cracked just a little this past week and I learned how to rely on other people and be trusting that they would be there for me even though none of us knew each other very well. I think this past week has also helped me tear down some walls and I am not nearly as shy and quiet anymore. I am still very much my reserved self, but I am more open with the whole getting to know people surface level stuff, which for me is a huge step.
Not only did I lose some independence this weekend, but I was able to let go of some of the sins that I have been hanging on to. I was able to give them over to God and be done with them. To know that I am forgiven for the stupid choices that I had been making in my life. I also gave quite a bit of discernment about my career this past week, and the more I think about it the more I am leaning towards Youth Ministry. I talked to Susan* about it for awhile and when she asked why I chose both of the careers that I have in mind I didn't have an answer to the other one...that and when people ask me what my major is I feel like it is work to say Criminal Justice, like I have to think about it first and see if that is really what it is that I want to do or just what a piece of paper says it is...I don't really see my heart in Criminal Justice anymore, it is in God, children, teens, and Youth Ministry.
This past week has been great and I cannot wait for one of my new friends to get back from Zambia so that we can talk about the week and she can tell me all about her trip. I hope all is going well for her and she made it there safe, her plane left sometime today I believe.
It is day two back from Cedar Campus and I am really happy to be home. I saw my friends yesterday and I just started crying. I was so full of joy to actually be home for more than two days at a time and being able to just sit and talk was amazing. My sister and I have been getting a long great as well. I know it is day two but I have some high hopes for this summer. I feel God working to do great things this summer and I cannot wait to see what He has in store for me and all the people around me.
This is going to be an unforgetable summer, I can feel it already!:) GO GOD!
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