I usually try not to blog in a depressing tone...but I have a heavy, heavy heart right now.    Hmmm the search for happiness...what is happiness?  Why is it at times so elusive?  Through all my trials and tribulations I have learned a major lesson....to be truly happy a person must first like themselves (very important) but also they must connect with another as a true friend, someone they can really relate to, someone they can lean on in the hard times, someone that can lean on them in times of need, someone you can really let your hair down with and laugh so hard your sides burst, someone that you desire to be with and care about.  I have lost a true friend today, let me correct that...my one true friend.  The loss I feel right now is almost greater than I can bear, truly, I had to drive back from Phoenix today and I wept the entire (2) hour drive, grieving for the friend that of all people I should have taken care of, should have treasured like a beautiful perfect flower in a sea of gray, should have given my utmost respect to.   The best scenario is for a person to have their partner, their mate as their true friend....I walk through life every day and I see people that have found happiness in their partnerships, I see them smiling at each other, laughing together and just generally enjoying being together.  I had that with my friend, I just did not properly take care of it.  Now I deeply cry for that loss, like my very soul is ripped out, and think of what I could have done, what i will do if ever another chance comes my way.    Forgiveness is the greatest thig a human being can do in this life or any other, and I can only hope that one bright day in the future this comes to being.