Oh Andrew. Happy. Yayyyyy!
Ok, now that I got that out of my system. I had an Andrew moment today and would like to share it with you. You. Yes, you that is reading this. If you don't want to read this change blogs now.
Now with the people who don't care out of the way, I continue. 
So there is a song that reminds me of Andrew. I don't remember the name of it. The chorus says
And I will be the one
To hold you down,
Kiss you so hard,
I take your breath away.
And after I wipe away your tears,
Just close your eyes dear.
Awwww. Make me want to kiss someone. This truly reminds me of Andrew. Today, he kissed me suddenly and took my breath away. Oh, Andrew.
Now with that said. I have a personality issue. I don't know how it is where you live, but where I live is a small community. Everyone knows what is going on in your life before you do. Ah, small towns. Everyone is also quite judgemental. I moved away from my small town for awhile and made a great friend. This friend just so happens to be gay. This I was not aware of until after we had become great friends. But that doesnt matter. I told him that he would not make it in my town. If you look, think, breathe or speak differently you will be eaten alive. Truth.
My turn. Maybe I am realizing I am a little different than I have always let people think. I was always the perfect goody two shoes "miss popularity" kind of girl. Then I had a moment and flipped my lid. I became the bad girl. Then i moved to the town I live in now. And I kind of transformed into a chameleon. I became whatever I needed to be to fit in, and it has worked well. I have plenty of people who like me. Don't have to be single, but choose to be. I make people smile. To summarize, I fit in.
Because I fake it. Well, with my "I Don't Care" mood, I don't care if I fit in. So, I have been doing some things that make me not fit in, but I am completely comfortable doing. I dyed my hair reddish for halloween and I like it. I painted my fingernails black (I like black), I have black bracelets that I like to wear...but i feel fine. These are things that are in my comfort zone. I knew that eventually these things would catch up with me. And they have.
So far, no one has said anything about it. Until now. A lady I work with, that i like but she is known for her bluntness, stuck her two cents in. She doesn't like my hair and wants me to dye it back. She wants the black bracelets gone and the fingernail polish gone too. Too bad. I really don't care what she thinks, but I really don't want to deal with opposition.
It was asked whether me dressing and acting like I am, was part of hitting the bottom or if I was letting the real me come out. Both. To be myself, in a way would be hitting bottom. I would have to listen to everyone around me gripe and complain about how I need to change back to the person I used to be. To me that is more than I want to deal with. So I could either be comfortable in the times when I am alone and dress the way I want to and be the person who I truly am. Or I can be comfortable with the people I am around and be the person they think I am and they want me to be. Decisions, Decisions, Decisions.
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