Thoughts.com Blogs - I Will Never Understand People

I will never understand people. They make no sense. They are a contradiction to themselves. I don't understand how people can talk BS behind your back and hide behind someone else telling you. They can be so cold, distant and judgemental. They make decisions and pass judgement on all around without even knowing all the facts or even a quarter of the facts.
So I have never mentioned my gay friend Mason. We were great friends. I appreciated everything he did for me. He helped me through alot of things he didn't even know he helped me with and for that, I am grateful. We had good times and I miss him dearly. We decided that we would keep up a friendship when I moved to the last town I was in. I told all my friends here, that I would be back in a year. So Mason and I believed we could have a long distance friendship for a year. Apparently back in the fall, Mason moved. The problem lied in the fact that we would talk on the phone for only twenty four hours after we physically saw each other. After that he would not answer my calls, return my messages, text me or give me a call. That was a big blow to my happiness.
We had a friend that we hung out with who no longer works at my workplace. Maxx ran into this friend and had a conversation. Apparently, Mason is moving back. Apparently I am "psycho" for "being in love with a gay guy". WTF?! No one ever said I was in love with him especially seeing how I don't believe in love. First off, I can't stand people who talk BS about me and won't say it to my face. Number 2, what does it matter even if I was? Does it even matter to the third party? No. Number 3, I don't know who to distrust. I don't know if Mason said something to this guy or if this guy took some things wrong. But no matter what I am peeved off.
Most of all, I think I am mad at myself. I know how great it was to have Mason by my side. To have someone to hang out with when you didn't want to hang out with yourself. Someone to run errands with, or go shopping with or experience new things with. It was absolutely fantastic. And I know, pretty well without a doubt, that if he comes back, I'll give in. I will forget all and go back to his friendship. But what kind of friendship is that if it only is there when he wants it. If I am there for him every time he needs me, but he doesn't return the favor. I know that that is not a true friend, but dear grief, it beats being alone all the time. I would do it, just so i wouldn't be alone. Just so I will have someone to talk to. Just to have a friend.
Maybe this new job offer is a good idea. If I become management, theoretically I can't hang out with him. Because that could be considered favoritism. But maybe the job is a bad idea, because then I would have no one to hang out with. I just need a new addiction or else, I will start going back to old habits and addictions that give me negative attention.