Last week I was talking to an old friend and was telling them the whole KP/wife/me saga.
He asked why now? Why after all these years did I suddenly decide to maybe make this leap? Why am I unhappy now?
The Grand Canyon
When I was a kid I became fascinated with it and decided I had to see it. I planned a trip to it a few times...less planned and more imagined.
I was going after college, never went
At 25, 30, 35, 40, never went
Fianlly I was in a situation where I could takea few weeks off as I was moving from one office to the other and they indicated that I had to take 3 weeks off while they made this all happen. This move meant a raise, I had some money, so I went. Drove from here to there and back seeing parts of this country that made my mouth drop open in awe.
I loved it
And as I was nearing the end of my trip I really saw that I had wasted all that time dreaming about going, and not going.
I could have scraped together a few dollars saved up and went years ago, but other things got in the way.
I got older, and less able to dream.
But then I followed one, a small one, and it made me see life is too short.
Yes, you need to live life and pay your bills and feed your kids and make sure the dog is up to date on shots, and all that. That is life also. But that is not all life is!
And no you can not simply live a long vacation, that is not being a responsible person. People at my age that try that are actually having a mid-life crisis. But to decide that maybe the person you once dreamed you could be, the person you thouight you would become, and maybe the person you never even knew was in there is not bad. It is freeeing.
I am still not sure that KP will be OK.
Yes baby, I know in my mind that you might have to leave this earth before we meet.....I just do not let my heart hear that news
So given that I am not sure I will be leaving my wife, but I am thinking more and more that all those here that say it is only fair to her and to me that I do are correct.
If I do I am sure she will have the feeling she should have pushed me off the canyon cliff...but that is another blog for another day
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