Posted by
ffeeona
on 2008-05-19 08:20:33 |
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| i'm not really sure what has been happening but don't focus on the past. I find that the secrets we keep can be more destructive when they remain secrets. Use this as an opportunity to start an open relationship. secrets can create a huge wedge between couples. |
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Posted by
lastblastkl
on 2008-05-19 09:11:30 |
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WK
my opinion only.....here goes....i think the things from your past (ie before meeting spouse) are my business...i feel absolutely no obligation to tell to a current mate...i don't want to know his stuff (unless he murdered someone) and he has no business in mine....if we confessed our pasts to each mate then where does it stop? if your wife had 'things' unsaid from before you then she had a right to keep them private...if she felt she would get the understanding from you deserved maybe she would have told you eons ago....i don't think she gets that from you...and from what i read i don't think you give it...i am playing devil's advocate here and again it's just my opinion and we all know what they say about them...k |
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Posted by
whiteknight
on 2008-05-19 09:28:54 |
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Last:I offered all the understanding she could ask for for 10 years
I feel that not telling me things, me not telling her things, is the sand that you can not build a relationship on |
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Posted by
lastblastkl
on 2008-05-19 09:36:07 |
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WK
i feel so bad when i disagree with someone and most of the time i let it go and don't comment on it simply bc i'm not good a negative responses... i haven't read ALL of your blogs and maybe sometime i should get a pot of coffee or a bottle of wine and just read.... coming from a bad marriage is not good and i feel for both of you staying where you are so not happy...i hope you find peace and contentment at some time soon bc we only have one go around on this earth and each day you stay is one day short of your total experience here....don't waste it WK...k |
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Posted by
Meredith
on 2008-05-19 11:52:59 |
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| I have to agree with the other commenters. I don't think you should focus so much on things that happened before she even met you. I don't think she "betrayed" you but not telling you these things. If they had a direct effect on your relationship, that would be a different story but, otherwise, what's past is past. |
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Posted by
maggie8301
on 2008-05-19 13:30:13 |
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| I don't think its right of you to get pissed off at your wife for keeping secrets from her past. they are her secrets and its not like she's had herpes for 10 years and never told you, right? She did not endanger your life or you health, so whats the big deal? Brush your shoulder off and move on darlin'. |
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Posted by
ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-05-19 14:57:19 |
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You should not be offended or hurt. Women are very private beings ... I know this girl is. HungryHeart did a post on this very subject. I think you would find it enlightening. The post was written March 9, 2008 entitled "The Hidden Part Of A Woman".
I have read in many psychology and relationship books that it's 100 times more difficult, for women, to share the secrets in your hearts with someone they are romantically involved with. Sex changes things. In my life (and I'm in my 50's) there have only been 2 people who I have shared most (not all) of my secrets with. I was not married nor involved sexually with either one of them. Best of luck to you. Peace. |
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Posted by
whiteknight
on 2008-05-19 15:01:27 |
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OK, so let me get this straight...
All you ladies would not feel offended if 12+ years into a relationship you are still learning big parts of your man's past? |
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Posted by
lastblastkl
on 2008-05-19 16:57:42 |
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| wouldn't bother me unless it had to do with something directly to me in the long run....your wifes was pre you.... can't change it AND it happened before there was a you....what possible difference could it have made or did it make except in your mind....i think we all feel bad enough about stuff from our pasts without the added burden of worrying about someone that wasnt there or had nothing in it....:) |
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Posted by
KP
on 2008-05-20 02:04:59 |
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I have readd all the comments and in some parts I agree. Howeveer in some case it might be better to know some sercets so that you have a better understanding of that person. I mean it doesn't have to be every detail, but enough to know what makes you tick. And I think that is why WK is having troubles with his wife because he doesn't know what makes her tick, what makes her happy.
I also think that sometimes telling someone something about your past lets you let go and move on to better and wonderful things.
Hold in there WK, something good will happen for you one day. |
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Posted by
smileforthecamera
on 2008-05-20 21:17:43 |
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| I actually have to disagree with the majority of these comments. I feel that is was entirely wrong for her not to mention these stories to you earlier. Honesty and trust: the base ingredients to a healthy relationship. |
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Posted by
kissingchaos77
on 2008-06-30 15:08:39 |
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To be honest, her past is her past and really none of your business unless it involves you. As far as the VD goes, your lucky she told you at all.
After reading your first blog, I had to go back and read the rest because I was thrown off by a lot of the comments back to you. Still reading...this is better than a soap opera.
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