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The other day NQRW and I were talking about places to go for a weekend alone.
This is her idea. She thinks if we go away we can reconnect and start over. I think one weekend is nice but.....
And as with almost everything, I am the one that needs to look for it.
So I was poking around the net when I come upon an add for this place in Pennsylvania that I took her to VERY early on. It may have even been our first date that was a daytime, not dinner date. The place has trails and lovely places to sit and watch nature and lovely streams and rivers and waterfalls and the works.
And I remember it was a lovely day, not to hot, not to cold, sun was out, the works!
So we drive there and go in. I take some pictures as I was even into photography then. I look at a map of trails and find a mile one. Now let me remind you, we are talking about 2 people in their early 30's, both healthy, neither infirmed or ill.
We get maybe a 1/8 mile in if that and she says I can go on, she is tired and her legs hurt and so she will sit down and see me when I get back.
Now the thing that gets me is I now remember the feeling I had at that moment as if it was yesterday: I had a feeling of dread.
I was out with a nice girl, my first real girlfriend, and I drive two hours to get to this place, pay the money to walk in, ready to take some lovely pictures of this woman in a lovely setting and............"I want to stop. I am tired"
So we sat and I think left within 30 minutes of getting there.
I was crushed
I now ask my 32 year old self what was I thinking? I had seen this sign, she did not want to walk with me, she did not find this place that she had said she thought was a great idea for a date and said was lovely when we got there romantic enough to stay and maybe not be tired while there. Why did I go out with her again, marry her?
I had forgotten all about this day till just now and I look back and see that I missed it all. Life was flashing me signs and I missed them all because I thought that I would never find another woman and get another date!
So to answer a question I saw on another blog, NO do not settle ! Do not take good enough as OK as what you will marry!
If you do you will look back on a life like mine and wonder what could have been, yes I know I can make the rest great and yes I have had some good times with her and in the last years in general, but maybe they could have been better.
I often ask NQRW if she really wants to walk with me on the journey that I want to make the rest of my life into, and she says yes. But remembering this day 13 + years ago I see maybe she already answered that question
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Posted by whiteknight on 2008-05-20 16:34:19 | Rating: | Views: 98
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i sure hope you can be happy, i missed signs all along my journey,and know i am paying for it, i hope you have a happy life, peace
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Posted by bjm1
on 2008-05-20 17:26:01
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Well said White Knight. Better to live life alone than be with the wrong one. I think the second choice is even lonelier than the first. Peace.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-05-20 17:48:03
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I agree...never "settle" for a partner. Im sorry you have to go through this. I can only imagine how hard it must be.
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Posted by angelwings
on 2008-05-21 03:18:41
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i get that feeling of to bad i wasn't paying enough attention to all the signs. but hind sight is 20-20. i agree about the not settling. better to be alone on your own terms than married and still alone.
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Posted by Hutzelgirl1
on 2008-05-21 10:50:11
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I totally agree, I made that mistake big time, and it definitely didn't work out and I was miserable while I was trying to "make" it work.
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Posted by TheAlreadyJaded
on 2008-05-21 11:19:46
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