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| This and that...clear the air
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WARNING WILL ROBINSON: This may offend some
After reading comments on my blogs and on KP's I think that a few things need to be cleared up in terms of facts that either people do not understand, did not read correctly, were in posts months ago that you may not have read as you came to this story in progress, etc...
This may take a few days to type, so if some of this is cleared up in other comments or blogs while I have this in draft, please excuse me:
1) Her two jobs, our finances: NQRW has had two jobs for maybe two months. Before that she had one. The job she has as her full time job pays about what her past one did when I first met her 13 years ago. In that time I have all but doubled my salary while she has gone backwards. I would say it is not her fault in that she did not plan to be laid off and that is true. But had she went back to school as I BEGGED her to do when we met, had her degree, and had a better job pool to work from, she would not be in this bad shape.
We never merged our $$$$.
It was to protect her at first as I had debt and she had NONE.
She then mounted up her own pile while I worked to make mine smaller.
She pays her bills and groceries
I pay EVERYTHING else.
1A)Why don't I get a 2nd job, I seem to have time to waste on thoughts(as one commenter put it)?
I have had many 2nd jobs and find that in the end they do not really serve the purpose that they are taken for. What I mean is you end up buying lunch, driving out of your way, spending money that you now have that you did not before and getting slowly into higher tax brackets (as happened to me once). I have looked for one recently in fact but the whole "son has no car " issue made it impossible for me to work 2 jobs while she does. I do have a small business idea I am also trying to make a go of as a second job so that is also a possible extra money stream
A PS here: while posting this I got an email about an opening in my place that would be perfect for NQRW....one problem, need a college degreee....but then again I guess I am bad to see a chance that my wife could work one job and not two, make 8 grand more...and all she needed to do was listen to me or what I hope was line of people before me and it could be hers.....
This is what makes me mad
I want better for her and her inability to be adaptable hurts her over and over
2)KP and her disease, her 2nd chance was not for her to come to me: That comment offended me when I read it ! Who the hell says so???!!!!!!
I am giving KP all the space she wants
She is giving me all I want
But in my case maybe my wife is doing far too little, slightly too late for it to matter and with or without KP I am most likely moving on once the money issue is no longer there.
I say most likely because a bolt of lightning could hit my wife and she may finally get the message and become the woman she can be
NOT THE WOMAN I WANT persay, but the one I know she can be...maybe the Wizard will give her confidence and playfulness and understanding of her husband and all she needs when NQRW gets to the Emerald City
3)All KP knows is what I tell her/there are two sides to the story/she might wish YOU would change: This is a few issues but I will address them as one.
KP has heard out of my wife's mouth conversation after conversation via an internet chat service and me leaving the mike open
She has made her own conclusions and in fact, truth be told, held out hope my wife could get it long after I gave up !
So you have two people with at least some sense both seeing her the same way and I know that LOVE COLORED glasses may cloud this, but if I had a dollar for everytime KP has made it clear she will never tell me leave NQRW for her I would rival Bill Gates !!!!
And KP has heard NQRW more than once be offered the chance to tell me what she wants from me in terms of change and not had an answer.
Two sides are covered, trust us.
4)Ok this one is less clarification then a lil peeve I have
I read certain people that comment on KP and I and others and I read an unfair and very uneven way of looking at things
To KP they comment in a way that makes her Hester Prim in The Scarlet Letter and we should stone the harlot in the square
Then that same day in another blog by another person, the same person comments in a way that makes the other blogger a saint in very similar circumstances
The people on here are sinners and saint
Everyone has a side
And some people are great people and I think that no one is a harlot and no one is a saint
Yes, have an opinion and yes express it and yes I and KP will take it all in, and know that when you expose your life to the world you need to take arrows
But when the opinion seems to change from person to person with no real reason, it gets a hard to take and hard to understand.
And yes, friends sometimes disagree and I am not talking about people that are nice and then make a critical comment....I am talking about people who insult me and KP for our actions and then praise others in similar situations for their strength
5) I hardly think we are "teasing" each other, like some allege. This JUST DO it attitude some have is reflective of not knowing the story. I wonder if I had just met KP. let her come when she wanted to, never looked back and just let my wife be blindsided, would you all think that better?
As I said in another post, there is someone here that suffers the feeling her man never gave a chance. In fact I used that woman as a resource to maybe understand NQRW for a bit.
And giving NQRW that chance unleashed a series of events that lead us here. No one is teasing or leading on anyone.
And also this shows that you have not read KP carefully
She wants to wait till she is fully herself again before ANY chance we get together happens if it ever does. I get that, although comments on here and from friends and family seem to not get that simple request.
6)Poor innocent NQRW:
I have said she has done nothing wrong, and I stand by that
But there are "sins of omission"and neglect
How can anyone marry someone and be married to them for 12 + years and not know what they want in any sense?
She would make a not so demanding man, and not demanding in a bad way, I just am always looking to have more out out of life, very happy. It appears she did w/ my son's father.
I just need more
But that she does not see what more I need is the issue I think that lays on her and not my shoulders
7) And I or KP need to justify NOTHING!!!!
I am Hamlet on here at times and ask myself out loud if I am doing the right thing
BUT GUESS WHAT???
I am.
I gave my wife justice, as a priest put it !
KP is giving her justice too
I began this blog as a way to vent my sorrow and anger that I found a woman I loved and she was going to die
I did not do it to justify a thing !
She blogs to.. .well she has said why she does so I will let her speak for herself
WE DO NOT BLOG TO JUSTIFY A THING!!!!!!
I may again stare at the skull and ask myself the great To be or not to be, but it is not to justify
Listen, I could do this for days and still just be warming up
So I will just sum up
Read the WHOLE story
When you read a post read it all
Read to learn and learn to read as a friend tells me
And if you comment make sure it is not in direct opposition to your views as expressed elsewhere or it makes it sound hollow
And lastly:
This is my last post like this
I am sick and tired of defending myself on issues over and over and defending her. Although I love defending KP, I hate having to do it against ignorance that is so easily explained.
But I will defend her where needed, but maybe she will not need it.
I cheered from the sidelines as she fought death, so you people are a piece of cake trust me
I am staying on thoughts
I am just not going to rehash what it seems people refuse to read
In the words of a great sailing man: I had all I can stands I can stands no more!!!
I love KP and that will never change
I like many here and that will never change
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Posted by whiteknight on 2008-05-02 11:28:23 | Rating: | Views: 261
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Thank you for that clarification, kind sir. Now I will need to go back over my comments on various blogs and see if I have made an arse out of myself on your blog..ha.
I am wishing for the best for all involved. From reading most of your blog, if not all, I think you have done justice by your wife. I think you need to do what is right for you and I truely believe that you know what that is. Let me be the first to apologize should I have offended you in the past..it was never my intention.
peace :) shemelts
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Posted by shemelts
on 2008-05-02 13:55:54
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Save your eyes kiddo, you are FINE
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Posted by whiteknight
on 2008-05-02 13:58:27
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As far as I am concerned, as (I hope) a friend on here, this post was unneccessary, as you said, you dont have to justify yourself.
I stayed with my husband long after perhaps someone else may have, because I wanted to give him a chance. I was critcal of him during that time, because to me all he needed to do was just try, make some effort, do something, and he didn't. I guess my criticisms were borne out of sheer frustration...
Now in hindsight I see I did neither of us any favours. I can also see now that maybe it wasn't that he did something wrong, or omitted to act...but simply that he wasn't right for ME. And I've also come to believe that no one can be changed. We are what we are.
I admire you for trying, but as I said before, its my humble opinion that with regards to your wife..the ship has sailed. You simply want different things.
I get why you and KP are not together but maybes you need to be on your own for a bit. Take some time to work out what you want and then take steps to achieve it.
As ever, I wish you the very best of luck and hope that in the end...things work out for the best, whatever that may be for you xxx cheb xxx
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-05-02 13:58:59
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I say if you want to write about yuor life on here, do it, and without feeling an obligation to explain everything to every detractor. On the other hand, readers can't be expected to go back to square one and get fully caught up on the saga. If we see a passage that stirs us to comment, we will. If you own the passage, you can take it from there - respond, ignore, delete.
If you feel good about yourself and your actions, that should be enough for you. Certainly don't need our approval. Right?
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Posted by GhostOfDerekD0min0
on 2008-05-02 14:00:24
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Wow, so far no one was offended...well in these cases no one should have been. I guess this was me blowing of steam after reading a few comments and also a few things that from past talks I know bug her
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Posted by whiteknight
on 2008-05-02 14:09:38
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Dear Whiteknight,
I am sorry that "my opinions" or "thoughts" offended you. I actually have read every single post of yours and KP's as I never comment without first trying to understand the person I will comment to. I think however you have not read ALL of my comments to the few people I do comment to. If you had you find I am ALWAYS CONSISTENT with every person I comment to. I do not believe KP is a Harlot in any way. I never even thought it,let alone said it. I do however think she is a MARRIED WOMAN with little innocent children, and thus should act like one. You yourself were critical of another married man cheating on his wife, and even stated to his girlfriend that he should "do his business, or get off the pot". That is essentially all I am saying to you. I am sorry but the things you say about your wife, who can't even defend herself, make you look trite, self-cetered and lacking in real character. (Please note, I didn't say you WERE these things, I said "IT MAKES YOU LOOK THAT WAY")
When you post your feelings and your affair for the whole world to read, then engage your audience in conversation, frequently asking our opinions, I am surprised you would ask me to not express my "true thoughts". I have tried to express myself in a kind manner but sometimes the truth is painful. I am sorry if it offends you.
However, since I am not a flatterer who is content to stroke Egos I will just tell you that I will not offer you "my Opinion" again as I am sure this is what you would prefer. I will tell you that I am very self-confident, and don't ever say something I do not really mean so nothing you posted has "Offended" me in any way. (I say this since this was in your first sentence) Nor has your response surprised me in any way.
Please accept my sincere apologies for hitting so many sore spots with you.
Caring Advise
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Posted by caringadvis
on 2008-05-02 15:24:28
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I'm not going to comment on your personal life this time as it is just that, but could I suggest that your constant reference to your wife not doing well in life because of her not completing a degree might be upsetting to a lot of people who do not have one. I know people with two degrees who are quite stupid and a lot of people with none who are quite brilliant and very successful. Just a thought. I don't believe a piece of paper showing you have spent 4 years at university proves a thing. My youngest son does not have a degree but is more successful financially than my son with a doctorate. My husband who has been a very respected businessman always looks for drive, ambition and a keen intelligence over a degree. You can make your way to the top without one.
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Posted by overthehillandfar...
on 2008-05-02 16:06:01
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Wow! Way to go Caring Advise. Straight up, just the way it should be.
I am not willing to stroke ego either.
Sneakiness is another ugly character trait. The eavesdropping bit has finished it for me.
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Posted by circe
on 2008-05-02 16:38:03
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I have read this and right now I do not have anything to say. I will have to get back to you on this.
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Posted by Nubian
on 2008-05-02 17:07:06
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Just to add to that - I do of course respect degrees - it's just that not having one does not make you a failure. As to the 'listening in' bit, that has to be the biggest act of disrespect ever - and to admit to it. I would feel sick listening to such a private conversation - how could KP do such a thing.
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Posted by overthehillandfar...
on 2008-05-02 17:52:52
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OK so now she hears the other side and judges for herself and that is bad too?
You people are at times not really fair
As for stopping comments, no keep commenting CARING, just do me a small favor, read all your comments to everyone and see if you still feel you are being consistent.
Sorry to lose you circe
And also, I made my comment to OTHERWOMAN in this context:
He has a green light and is not taking it
I do not have that light and KP has yet to decide after her condition.
I am sure that is easy to understand
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Posted by whiteknight
on 2008-05-02 19:36:51
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Yes Whiteknight I have read my comments and I still must tell you I am consistent in what I say and the care behind it. If you could be more specific I'd be happy to explain myself for better clarification. Again, this isn't necessary on your part as It is only my "opinion" and really of very little importance to your future.
Caring Advise
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Posted by caringadvis
on 2008-05-02 20:19:36
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wow... and oh my... WK.. seems like we both have done some venting this week. As one of my new favorite songs goes... "say what you need to say.."
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Posted by otherwoman
on 2008-05-02 22:15:32
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Thanks for clearing the air and setting the record straight. If I have offended you or KP, in any way, it was not intentional. I'm sorry and hope you will accept my apology. My greatest desire is for the people I know to be happy and to experience loving nurturing relationships. I wish you all the best on your journey to finding all your heart longs for. Peace.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-05-02 23:37:32
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Sometimes I have this thought - that you are just winding us all up - that it isn't for real.
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Posted by overthehillandfar...
on 2008-05-03 02:29:06
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OVER THE HILL: On the lives on anyone I care about I am telling the truth...but belive what you wish
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Posted by whiteknight
on 2008-05-03 07:20:03
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oh and Colorado:you have no need to apologize
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Posted by whiteknight
on 2008-05-03 07:20:45
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well i think you should get your balls together and decided where you want to be.... if with KP then go ... don't worry about your wife cuz i'm sure she'll just dust herself off and carry on with life. we are stronger than you think and can carry on our lives with or without. after alot of reading i see no respect from you for your wife, in fact, i feel sorry for her that a world knows about her and not many nice things at that. i wonder how she would feel if she knew that you were letting others listen in on your private lives together. in other words shit or get off the pot!!
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Posted by Peaches_Cream
on 2008-06-15 15:35:58
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