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I just read a post in one of the blogs I read on and off. Then I read a comment that made me shake me head.
The blog is by a woman that is involved with a married man and had a baby by him, long/short, she is trying to figure out if,when he will ever leave his wife.
The comment stated that this woman should have"disengaged" the moment she knew the man was married. OK, on a level I get the thought behind the comment. A woman meets a married man, he should have a big NOT AVAILABLE sign on him...right? And yes, this site is full of blogs by men and women that are lamenting their cheating husbands/wives and how could they leave and hating the other woman/man. I get all that.
But I think it misses a BIG issue to say that anyone that has feelings for another person just stops dead when they hear he/she is married. I mean it might be the "right" thing to do but to just say you can turn off love like a light switch is short sighted OR it proves you were never in love.
I always hated the Woody Allen quote that "The heart wants what the heart wants." and yes if the heart wants your daughter or step daughter or someone that is underage please either get help or do the world a favor and step in front of the nearest subway train.
But in a sense he is correct that sometimes the brain, the intellegence, the rational mind goes away in favor of the irrational heart. And as long as you stay "in the lines" of life's little guardrails about age and relationship then that is why you have a heart.
I love KP
I have never even met the woman but my heart knows she is the woman that I should be with.
She and I have shared experiences that no one in the world have, in that we are the only two that shared it between us. That bonds people and you do not just disengage from that at a snap, I am sorry.
Both of us have at times decided it was too hard, the wait too long, got guilt pangs, whatever the case may be....we have each made more than a few tries at leaving this. But we can't ! Why?
Who knows.
And another thing, this idea that any man or woman leaves their spouse for another person because the other person lured them away is dopey! If I choose to leave my wife, I will be the one that decides that! KP did not lure me away. I mean I am sure there are men that have great, perfect, loving, sexy, attractive, giving wives that the man gets bored of so he chases some 21 year old skirt because he is bored or needs affirmation he is still a man or some such nonsense. That exists in men and women. And yes maybe the 21 year old lured him away because she wants his money or something, but he still made that choice. As I pointed out in a comment I made in a post once. no one is living in some Batman world where some woman with love lip stick kisses you and you can not resist her !
And yes, people fall out of love.
But to say that people can just disengage their feelings is not right, and if it is the way you live then you need to look at yourself.
I guess what I am saying is that while you need to respect the vows that the man/woman took, they are not your vows. You did not promise this. And sometimes those vows were made by or to a different person than exists now. It is not your job to decide that.
If the husband in the case of the blog I am speaking about, had decided he wanted to never go down this road that is one thing, but he did, and he also made a baby with this woman which makes just walking away on either side hard. And if love made sense and followed the rules some of our best songs and greatest literature would not exist.
Play begins:
No Juliet, you can not love Romeo for he is of that family...
Ok Mom thanks
THE END
Boring aint it !!!!!
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Posted by whiteknight on 2008-03-20 10:22:36 | Rating: | Views: 101
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i have read her blogs, didnt want to touch it,,i have loved ballandchain for 25 years,ya i bitch sometimes,we trust each other, well i guess iam old fashioned,peace
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Posted by bjm1
on 2008-03-20 11:02:53
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I agree whiteknight. The heart is to me even more powerful than the mind. The mind, at least, we can control but the heart...if we listen to it, we have no control over it. But you know what? It's almost never wrong.
What society sees as right and wrong is always changing, and what is it anyway, but an opinion? I for one would rather be happy in my life than follow my head and be miserable.
Some will say I hurt my husband deeply when I left him for another man, and yes, I'm sure I did. But also...if he's not right for me, then I am not right for him either. How could either of us ever have been completely happy?
No man or woman can be lured away that doesnt want to leave, and if we live our lives concerned by what other people think, then we may miss our chance for true happiness, and either way...someone will be pissed off, so you might as well just do what feels right. As long as its between two consenting adults, and isnt done with the deliberate intention of hurting someone...you are only answerable to yourselves.
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-03-20 13:18:31
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how true... as you know this is what I wrestle with everyday.. my head says stop, my heart won't let me! I agree with chebastic when she says
The mind, at least, we can control but the heart...if we listen to it, we have no control over it. But you know what? It's almost never wrong.
I don't think my heart is wrong this time. I knew the first time we had our affair he wouldn't leave her. It took my having a baby and the ultimate rejection for us to stay away from each other, and now... we can't deny each other. not anymore.
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Posted by otherwoman
on 2008-03-20 18:40:23
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We don't choose who we love. I agree with your post 100% ... well said WhiteKnight. Peace.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-03-21 01:58:22
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I never thought of it the way you explain it in this entry. I agree to some extent. I don't feel you should always act on every emotion you have though. We are all human beings with a variety of emotions, but we cannot act on all of them. I think of cheating on my husband all of the time. I love him to death and don't know if I could do it. I haven't read the blog though, so I can't comment on that particular situation too much. Cheating is one thing, but I'd have to be careful cause bringing a baby into the equation is a whole new ball game.....
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Posted by sexykellitrent
on 2008-03-21 17:39:19
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