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This is not a work related post so hang in there
I have a woman under my supervision that in terms of work is great. In every way your numbers need to be low, they are low and in all areas they should be high they are high. It is like I do not even need to supervise her. I just write her name on the sign in sheets(a pet peeve of mine that professionals need to sign in and out but I guess) and let her roll.
Now would I want an entire unit full of her? No
She is a bit in your face, a bit too fragile...like the time I gave her a perfect review and gave her two small areas that she needed to work on and she began to cry. I know many will say how can it be perfect and she need improvement? Well if you typed a paper in school, got an A+ but the professor gave you a tip to use a different font next time as it looks better, it does not take away from the fact he loved the paper and showed you as much in the grade.
She is also maybe one of the people I was talking about when I mentioned people that ask me complicated questions and then want to "poke me" while I think that I talked about yesterday.
Well today I was a little amazed when I checked her production statitics and saw a big drop.
Now here is the point of all this background:
The reason this is going on is that gher daughter is having issues in school. She is distracted, and I get completely that this happens at times. Your child is in trouble all else flies out the mind's window.
That is fine
But the thing is that we are talking about a daughter that is 23, in medical school and she still calls this girl 6 or 7 times a day!
To wake up
To eat breakfast
Make sure she ate a proper lunch
Did she have a good class?
etc
And she does this with her son also and he is a lawyer!
I think that the issue her daughter is dealing with is something that might trouble anyone, her friend was deported to her homeland on a technicality last year, but also maybe if the mother would allow her children to grow, to develop coping skills, to see that the sun will come up tomorrow and that while this might be a horrible thing that happened, you do not let the world you are building cave in because of it.
You talk to the friend by email, phone, IM and maybe one day you will be together again. You maybe go visit her in what is your homeland also, so you can kill two birds with one stone.
I guess my point is that while I could NEVER say this to the mother/employee, had she not held this woman's hand and treated her like a baby up to now, and still now, this would be a stumble and not a fall. And no fall by the daughter would make it no fall for the mom.
We love our kids and hate when they are in pain. Hell you all read how I hated to see my son in pain the other day, but I also have tried to make sure I let him fall a few times, let him fail, and then helped him up and asked if he understood why he fell and how you get up.
I am not perfect at it and most likely I will never win father of the year awards, but I take me cue from my father and he let us keep heading to the rocks in life and only grabbed the wheel when he knew we did not know how to avoid them, if he was there to do it.
Might be harder for mom's too I guess
But if you are making sure a 25 year old woman is eatting her breakfast, the daughter might not have the tools to weather the storms of life
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Posted by whiteknight on 2008-04-10 14:08:09 | Rating: | Views: 123
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Whiteknight,
In reference to your previous post,"Wife" I think you wife is tired. I can't imagine working two jobs, being a mom, and wife. It seems from your description of her last job, that required several people to manage a client she handled independently, she is anything but apathetic or lazy. Also, as you said she doesn't serve vegtables at supper she must be preparing your meals. I know alot of men who dream of having a wife like that. Her frequent needs for naps are not normal. Has she ever had her thyroid gland checked. It is a simple blood test "TSH". I'd bet money it is underactive. This will lead to the type of apathy you describe. 30% of women have an underactive thyroid gland. This is easily remedied with thyroid hormone replacement. Of course I believe most woman who had to work two jobs would need a nap. I sure would. When is the last time you took your wife on a romantic get-a-way of rest.... You might see a different side of her. It is obvious to me that she fears losing you. I feel sad for her. I wish her well..and rest. Are you in Risk Management?
Caring Advise
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Posted by caringadvis
on 2008-04-11 05:45:11
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Excellent post..we struggle as parents of two young adults on how far to let them fall. How much help is too much and how much discipline is too much. Life is harder for our children than it was for us. Though they have more technology, they have less family time, less extended family around them and too much pressure to exceed, to fit in and to be mature way before they are ready. There are more pressures now to be "cool" and try drugs and alcohol than I felt as a teen. I have raised my children and I feel we have given them firm ground to stand on. My role now is to be their safety net only, not their lead, not their alarm clock or their conscience. Should they fall I will pick them up, stand them on their own two feet, dust them off and send them on their way whilst pointing out the lesson we learn from our falls.
I feel bad for your employee that she feels the need to do this for her children. This is probably more her need than her childrens and they probably just nod and say, yep thats my mom. She probably needs to feel needed and has never addressed her empty nest syndrome. It is good that you are being patient with her. Things are not always what they seem.
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Posted by shemelts
on 2008-04-11 08:17:23
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Wow! I thought my mom was bad. She calls me every day at 3:30PM (on the dot). She does not, however, baby me in any way, shape or form. She's just nosy (wants to know if I am dating). Anyway, from what I've read, you ARE a great father. You are there for your son, yet give him the space to become his own man. I wish my father had been so good.
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Posted by Meredith
on 2008-04-11 13:50:10
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Meredith: I wish for the world's sake your father had been human!
But thanks
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Posted by whiteknight
on 2008-04-11 13:52:49
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Caringadvis, thank goodness someone somewhere agrees with me that that poor woman so badly needs help. Please read my post on the last piece on 'his wife'. It will probably be the last piece I write on this site. That's how seriously I take it.
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Posted by overthehillandfar...
on 2008-04-11 14:02:21
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Growing up I thought my mom was the devil but I did not realize that she was preparing me and showing how to be a lady. I am glad that mom exposed me to a little bacteria every once in a while as Greenersky metioned.
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Posted by Nubian
on 2008-04-13 02:45:57
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