| View Blog
|
|
|
Ok maybe I missed something at Marriage 101 but when two people marry they still stay two people despite the bond of marriage, no matter how deep it is right?
OK here goes...
AS I have said before I am in debt, but with this second job and help from a dear friend that has put together a plan for me I am coming out of it slowly. I have a plan and can see daylight. Alot of blood, sweat and tears and I will be OK in a year or so.
NQRW is also in debt, but has no plan. So I suggested that she call one of those places that talk to her creditors and negotiate them down.
I can not really help as she has too much debt being chased by too much money.
Now is it too much to ask that she stand on her own two feet as an adult and find one of the places herself?
When I said that to her, to call and get the consult she said I needed
to call for her.
But it is her debt
And she sees this a test, that I do not want a wife, that husbands do this stuff !
She actually said that being married stops the whole "stand on your own two feet" part of life.
Now am I wrong that yes you are couple, yes you are a single entity in a sense, but you are still a two legged, two footed individual that uses them to stand up?
|
|
Posted by whiteknight on 2008-07-21 16:21:33 | Rating: | Views: 146
|
| |
|
|
| Blog Comments
|
|
|
|
I don't normally buy in on these discussions, because every married couple does things differently.
But if I were her, then I would be calling someone myself.
You could just give her the number and suggest she call it herself, since she's the one that has to fit her time around their available appointments??
Good Luck, and good on you for working your way out of your own debt.
|
|
Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-07-21 16:56:29
|
|
|
|
Easy, feel free to chime in where and when you want on my blog
|
|
Posted by whiteknight
on 2008-07-21 17:08:46
|
|
|
|
|
Man, if you don't feel comfortable calling for her, don't. Do not become the big enabler that I did.
|
|
Posted by HungryHeart
on 2008-07-21 23:54:00
|
|
|
|
|
I normally don't agree with you WK, therefore I don't leave too many comments for you...But "lo and behold" today I do agree with you.... *lightning strikes...heavens open....fire appears* She should do her own footwork here!
|
|
Posted by dreampower
on 2008-07-22 09:21:27
|
|
|
|
|
dream power: remember the blind squireel finds an acorn at times
|
|
Posted by whiteknight
on 2008-07-22 12:31:32
|
|
|
|
|
I will just say that I admire you a lot for doing whatever you can to handle your own debt. Not easy, but you forgot about pride and did it, so well done.
|
|
Posted by overthehillandfar...
on 2008-07-22 16:36:49
|
|
|
|
|
Good analogy...:)Who knows??? Maybe I can find something else to agree with you on!!!! And hell might freeze over...LOL
|
|
Posted by dreampower
on 2008-07-22 16:40:35
|
|
|
|
|
I think I see the problem here, WK. It's in your name. White Knight. I'm sure you didn't happen on it by accident. If she's used to you swooping in to save the day, I can see where she's coming from. In most marriages "her debt" or "his debt" is actually "our debt" and both parties work together to vanquish it. Obviously that's not the case with you. Legally, though, you are both financially responsible for each other. So, your options are: Tell her to quit being a weenie and grow up; or, hook her up so that her debt doesn't cast a dark shadow on the efforts YOU are making.
|
|
Posted by BootLady
on 2008-07-22 22:34:35
|
|
|
|
I agree that she is a grownup and needs to do things for herself, especially if she is the one that got herself into debt in the first place.
My question for you, however, is didn't you know that she was very dependent when you married her? I assume she was not a very "stand on her own two feet" kind of a gal on the day you got married so why would you all of a sudden expect her to be different? I think a lot of people make a mistake when they get married of thinking their partner will change. Coming from a single person, I might be talking out of my ass but I hear it all of the time - a person complains about something his/her spouse did that she's being doing the entire time they've known each other - why so upset now?
|
|
Posted by Meredith
on 2008-07-23 11:28:31
|
|
|
|
Boot:I asked a lawyer about that and not in my state. Her name on the acct, her problem
Meri:She was dependent but nowhere near this bad. Now I will say this, she did not even plan her own wedding, I did it all. And trust me I may be a romantic and one day hope to have input into a second wedding, but I am not the type of guy that wanted to plan a wedding top to bottom.
|
|
Posted by whiteknight
on 2008-07-23 14:30:28
|
|
|
|
WK...She wants her cake and eat it too. She wants you to do for her when it is convenient for her..as in make her appointments. But does not want to partner in paying the household expenses. I think it is time she made her own appointments and handled her own debt. I also think a plan needs to be put into place where she picks up some of the household expenses. She can't be as one with you when it is convenient and seperate from you when it is not convenient for her. Thats kind of nuts..hmm
peace :) shemelts
|
|
Posted by shemelts
on 2008-07-25 08:54:15
|
|
|
|
|
NO BRO.she needs to stand,it is your job to hold her up,when she is weak.but if she won't stand on her own, then let her drop. and then find someone that will stand with you, side by side.
|
|
Posted by FRODO2
on 2008-07-25 15:32:24
|
|
|
|
|
|
