Today we focus on the oats: From all I read I think you have only really
seriously dated one woman, maybe before you marry or date another girl
seriously you need to get out and have fun and make sure that KP or any
woman is the woman you want. You need to shop before you buy again: Ok a
great point and I have thought about this a lot. I will say that a lot of the reason
this “trial separation and time to think” has come about is that I flirted w/ two
women VERY out of my league the other day and I told KP because we had a
slight problem when I did not tell her about a few online flirts I had done a month
or so ago. I promised to tell her EVERYTHING in this area, so I did and it hurt
when added to the earlier incident. It also came because when I was talking to a
coworker he “did the math” and said that at best KP and I were 2 years away
from being together even if we both make a move when we plan to. Aussie law
and NJ law make it that no divorce could happen in either place till at least 5/09
here and 9/09 there. So while we were taking care of things in our respective
places it would be stupid to live in either place, although I might like to move
there during my separation but KP said that she does not want that as of now. So
while we were talking about this at work the guy made a point to ask “So you will
simply sit in your house or place and watch TV, talk online and be a hermit?” So
given that we promised full disclosure and she has done that on her end in spades
and I promised I would do that moving forward I asked the question badly, I admit
that, she took it as a different question and went thru the roof. NOT HER FAULT
IT IS MINE....I cleared up the question and now she understands but I think that
in a small way this is a good idea to take two steps back before I make this plunge
and commit to KP and not to my wife, so I did not ask if we could reconsider after
we sort of made up,,,after one of my bombshells was a dud(her words)....Ok now
the question....This is best answered in a very weird way, or at least ironic
way...when I first met KP and was still unsure, when I pushed her to take a step
back in May 06 when she said she was talking to lawyers to come here I started
listening to a song I heard on the radio.the song is I LOVE MY WIFE sung by Ole
Blue Eyes himself Frank Sinatra..the words, and I will post the song itself, talks
about a guy that his eyes may wander, he may look at pretty girls and wonder, but
he loves his wife. That sort of how I felt then,,KP was nice, I loved her, she gave
me things the wife never could but I loved my wife. And a few times I even said
that maybe it was unfair and I needed to stop the KP train to be fair to them
both....funny thing, and this is when I knew it was over here, was about 3 months
ago I heard the song again and it meant nothing,,I did not love my wife enough not
to not follow the “pretty girls (that)invite me”....I wanted KP. OK now how does
this answer the question? Well it is how I feel about KP now. Pretty women, my
dreams may be XX, but that’s like and I love KP. I may flirt, I may look, I may
even talk t a few. But I want her. But to be fair to this process I am supposed to
not be that sure I guess. But I am. But to be fair to this process I will keep asking
the questions to make sure. BUT WAIT, hold on bub!!!! You loved the wife,
now you love KP. You married the wife, now you want to marry KP. How
do we know, how do you know, how does she know that you will start singing
love songs to some other bimbo in 12 years you will be her whiteknight? Fair
point, and I have considered that. In fact while I typed the above answer I thought
of this question again. The answer is simple. With my wife I feel in love with
love, I fell in love with being the married club, I fell in love with being a married
man. I fell in love with holding hands, walking w/ a girl in the mall like I saw
others doing...I sang the song” Time... I've been passing
time watching trains go by
All of my life...
Lying on the sand, watching seabirds fly
Wishing there would be
Someone waiting home for me...
Something's telling me it might be you
It's telling me it might be you...
All of my life...
Looking back as lovers go walking past...
All of my life
Wondering how they met and what makes it last
But Now I think I skip ahead and look at KP and say:
So many quiet walks to take
So many dreams to wake
And we've so much love to make
I think we're gonna need some time
Maybe all we need is time...
And it's telling me it might be you
All of my life...
I've been saving love songs and lullabies
And there's so much more
No one's ever heard before...
Something's telling me it might be you
Yeah, it's telling me it must be you
And I'm feeling it'll just be you
All of my life...
It's you..
It's you...
I've been waiting for all of my life...
The rest of the song talks about maybe it being you, I am sure, but there again I
guess the “process” can file an unfair practices suit on me...LOL. KP is who I
want, who I need and now I am a man. My wife married a boy. I think a lot of the
selfish stuff that people accuse me of is valid if said to the old me.
One other thing, from the day I met my wife to the day I put the ring on her finger
was 120 days give or take. From that day till our wedding was 10 months or so. I
met KP 20 months ago (wow never realized it was that long)and we have a long
road from here. Yes people have waited longer. Yes people have gone thru more,
Do not cry for us Argentina(an “Evita” reference for those that did not get that
commercial seared into brains as a kid)But I doubt few have given each other the
anal exam we have. We have asked each other every question that anyone could
ask, we have created SOOOOOO many “if’s” it made her nuts....so we are ready. I
do think this lil thing is like when they launch a rocket there is always a planned
hold at certain points to make sure all is go. And as I know KP will read this I will
again answer your blog about was this the right thing to do by adding this....I
would rather have a planned hold now, and if we decide to abort we do it now then
hear “Houston we have a problem” or “Challenger, go at throttle up” and then a
crackle as a fireball happens. There are kids and spouses and us to consider and I
know that and so do you. I much more want “The Eagle has landed”
