Ever have a moment in life that while so unexpected and shocking it takes your breath away, when you think a second it is not as shocking, but then still is shocking as it was when it first happened?
I did
But first a lil background and bear with me because the background is needed to get why I felt like I did.

Now I know that it is not good for me, I know it serves no purpose, but anyone that comes from a big family with alot of brothers and sisters and cousins you either are the top dog or you get "sibling" rivalry(in quotes as I am not just limiting it to just brothers and sisters).  And I have some envy for what some of my "siblings", especially the males.  Great cars, country club memberships(not so much that specifically as I do not play golf but...)trips to Hawaii, houses in the Hamptons, tickets to great events, nice houses vs renting, having car that is just so so, and saving for trips that are small.
AND YES>>>I get that I have alot to be thankful for and others might be envious of what I have but as The Boss says "Poor men wanna be rich, rich men wanna be king and the king ain't satisfied till he rules everything."
And also I have been taught to not count others cookies, as a friend calls it, because it never helps.  I get all that.
But listen I am human and I have read that a lil rivalry in big families is good. 
People have at times have been amazed at why I missed something like that someone had an inheritance or a second job..."Didn't you ever wonder how someone that did X affords Y?"....No, because I never really thought about how much X made at their job or how much Y costs.
I do not look at how much people make.
So do not get the impression that the feelings I am talking about consume me.  They pop up a bit here and there and most people would never notice.

And also may I add that my desires go beyond the money stuff.  I am really jealous that they have the kids they do.  And frankly, despite the current track record with kids, I would love to have more...anyone that knows me knows that.  That they all get to have a child they can see their eyes or nose or personality in is something I know anyone that has read me at all knows I am envious of.

So it is not about money.
I am maybe a lil defensive in this area because someone once questioned my purity of motives, thinking I was having the feelings I was on a certain subject based more on greed then anything else.
That still hurts over a year later.
So I am saying clearly that it was about more than money.

And yes, I get that rain has fallen in their lives 
They have seen miscarriages and the death of a child and cancer and being laid off from a very good job and a few other things.  So I am in no way thinking any of them have had perfect lives.  And in one or two cases I wonder if I could have endured the pain, the tragedy.

Now add all this together, all the sibling rivalry and then sprinkle on top of that an email I got the other day from a college friend that I had not spoken to since I graduated. 
Long/short is we got into a fight about him borrowing my car for 15 minutes when I was 2 hours away from a date with a girl it took me 3 months to get to date me...15 minutes became 3 hours, I missed the date and was furious.  But time heals wounds and likely the date would have been a bust so....well after seeing the old college again I thought about him and I contacted him to catch up and it seems he is a big shot Tony Roberts for the business world.  I am reading his site and getting a bit more jealous.  Just a lil...
So I was in a bit of a pity party mood

That all said I was talking to a family member the other day and was told something that as I said above, had me floored and yet was not surprising at all at the same moment.
I was told that a family member was stealing from the company they worked for.  What is more disturbing is that the company is owned by another member.
This person is someone who I always saw as honest and trustworthy.  This person is someone that I would have never thought would steal and especially not "go against the family" as they would put it in THE GODFATHER.  Now again, I am not saying this person is pure as the driven snow, and trust me this person has used their great ability to talk a great game to get themselves out of jams and there is one big lie they even I think have begun to believe themselves since they told it so often.
So I am stunned at this news.
On a level, you might as well told me at 5 yrs old that Santa was not real to equal the amount I was stunned.
But also not at all amazed at the same time.
They support a very nice lifestyle of nice cars, a big house in a very high property tax area, the best schools for the kids, parties, etc.  And this is all on one income. But in line with what I said before, I never really added this all up and thought about how they did it because I did not care and unless they plan on giving me some, that is their money and not mine.
I do not count other people's cookies
Much of this lifestyle is driven by their partner that pushes to "keep up with the Joneses" at all costs and in many ways sees the family member that owns the business as a hurdle to final success....because of course the spouse "knows" that when all is said and done  that her husband will take over the business and then SHE will be the queen of the business.
I would not even be stunned if there was not a bit of a small hope on her part when the owner had some minor, that could have been major, health issues in the last few years.
A true Lady MacBeth for the 21st century.

So after I got over the shock I started to think....
Maybe what I have is better.
I mean yes my wife is a lil less then the exciting person I hoped she would grow into, but she hardly cares about keeping up with the Joneses and in fact probably has never even talked to them if they are our neighbors.
Yes, it would be great to have a better car, a house of our own(working on that as we speak but not easy in this lending market), better vacations and the like.  But that is all monsters that need to be fed, and I am paying the price of a few old monsters in the past.
And even more over...let's say that this is true, I have not heard anything official so this could be an over reaction by someone that does not know the facts completely...so if it is true and the worst happens and this person is fired and told to pay back what was taken (I doubt it will ever go criminal)and people find out I would imagine that sort of puts a if dent in the public image that they both, the family member and spouse, have tried to create. 
In these times especially we all know people that are struggling and many are struggling themselves.  A shiny new Mercedes might be nice, but that old Ford Focus with the dent in the side and the missing hubcap gets you there just as well and one is going to really care about your car.  
And while this media creation where the rich are all evil and the poor are noble and honest and pure is something that bothers me, if you are working hard and struggling a bit there is no crime in that.
But when you hear that someone stole, and stole from blood, there is a stigma to that.
This stigma is not really erased by all the stuff you have, or had, and taking away the nice cars and great schools and terrific house from your kids is harder then never letting them have it.  
And that is another point....If you have little, but the little you have is yours honestly you know that no one can rightfully take it away from you.  And is that not better then looking back over your shoulder wondering when the bubble bursts?  Recently I saw that Bernie Madoff said he wished they had caught him years earlier because the stress was making him nuts waiting for the day they would find him out....which begs the question of why not just turn yourself in?
I like being able to sleep without the fear of another shoe dropping.  That is one thing that the whole think with my son made me miss...I missed the idea that I could relax and not worry about another crisis, or someone knocking on my door with "news", or the phone...I can not imagine stealing money from a company, especially one you are have some blood ties to and being able to relax. 

I guess all this is a long ramble to say that maybe I am thinking that maybe  some of my envy was misplaced.  And no, I am not saying it all was, because I think if you use it to drive you higher it is a good thing to want what others have if you can get it without hurting others.