Had a nite last nite that i am not yet sure was good or bad and many might say that I made no decisons but I think I may have....
Ok let me back up...a few days ago my wife and I went to marriage therapy again and I saw that I was getting nowhere. She wants me to say that I want her to do XYZ, and she will do that. In other words she wants instructions to follow, ie lose weight, dress sexier, wear makup, cook more, clean more, ...whatever.
But what I want is more of a deeper sense, more things that can not be seen or measured or touched...
So we had a big arguement there as for some odd reason, the therapist sees life the same way my wife does and thinks I need to give her IKEA assembly instrcutions...thing is that that kind of order and stiffness is exactly what I am looking to have my wife stop. I am not looking for paint by numbers, I want Jackson Pollack, I want passion and love and freedom and loving life...
Anyway., last nite was the first nite we could talk alone since then, bad idea to have a deep, hard, emotionally conversation when every few minutes some kid is ringing your bell but we had to have it....so we did and at least 5 times one of the two of us was leaving today or packing a bag or calling an lawyer.
But we made a lil progress but i still think I am asking Jimmie Walker to do Othello and be great, but we will try... .
THEN IN COME ROUND 2: I talk to KP online and I think alot of what I was feeling fell onto her and she started to fustrate me. She wants me to decide if I leave my wife regardless of her. And I agree to a degree. I think I need to decide if I want to be married to my wife before I decide if I want KP. BUT, I also think that some of the timing issues make it important to know where that stands. Is she going to make it? Is she open to the idea of us as a couple(I know she seems to be but she now says that is back off the table and needs to be decided given her health and I uderstand that)? ....and if she is leaving me forever to go bowling in the clouds or if she feels that she will be a health burden(her words NOT mine) and will not come, then maybe I give my wife a few extra months to show me that she can change....If she gets better and decides we have a shot, and we meet and see that this does work as a couple in terms of slotA fitting hole B well then I may not give the wife that extra shot in hopes KP decides we are a couple, I do not need a hard and fast promise, just some hope and a shot. Well this seems to not be what KP wants...she wants me to decide NOW, before I know all the facts....well we just seem to make each other more fustrtaed as we talked and she got mad and left the IM...and she will not respond to me......
ROUND 3: Wife and I get into bed and start talking again and before we know it it is 3 AM and we decide to give us 6 more months, and then see where we are. I think this will end w/ us divorcing if you ask me but she wants 6 months to try to show me that she is trying,,but again I just think that I am not really giving up all that much as KP will be more certain in terms of health in 6 months and maybe my wife will get better
..and maybe monkeys will fly out of my ass....
but things have stunned me before....
Listen if I had my way I go to med school, become the best neuro surgeon in the world and try a brain transplant. KP's healthy brain into my wife's healthy body,,,let me get off and start calling med schools
Posted by whiteknight on 2007-11-01 04:54:45 | Rating: n/a | Views: 94
Knight,
Oh my gosh. I think I know what you are saying and I think I know what your wife is feeling. My suggestion is find a new therapist if you really want your marriage. One that can understand your spontanious point of view. It sounds like your wife really wants to be what you want, but she doesn't know how. I really feel for you, I have some of the same issues with my hubby. It seems I want something intangible and he doesn't understand it. Hang in there, marriages with love are worth saving if possible.
Knight,
Oh my gosh. I think I know what you are saying and I think I know what your wife is feeling. My suggestion is find a new therapist if you really want your marriage. One that can understand your spontanious point of view. It sounds like your wife really wants to be what you want, but she doesn't know how. I really feel for you, I have some of the same issues with my hubby. It seems I want something intangible and he doesn't understand it. Hang in there, marriages with love are worth saving if possible.
Okay let me get this right, you are having issues with your wife. And that can be hard, you want to stay loyal and try and work this out and thats good of you. To many people run and take the easy road at the first sign of trouble. And second you are having an emotional affair with someone else via the internet (being reading your post and hers). And that can be just as hard too. But seeing how KP is sick and her health is hanging in the balance, don't you think you are being unfair to her to ask her to give some hope that possible there might be a chance. As far as I can see and read, she has her hands full with her health, and that should be her number one prioity. And as far as I can tell, she also has kids too, so she would be wanting to be there for them as much as she can. As far as I can tell this is all about you and what you want. It will be interesting to read what he take is on this. I hope she posts something soon.
Not all about me, although we all see the world through our own eyes...I know and agree w/ every word you are saying...it is just she wants me to decide BEFORE I know where she is, I want to wait, see what happens there and then decide. I am not pressing(she might say different but see the first part of this comment), I will wait forever just helping her to see that I was meant for her and her for me(cue the credits to THE GOODBYE GIRL)...I can wait and should she say no, my heart will go in ICU for a long time but I will respect that decision, if it comes today, next week, next year or 2009.
Sorry Knight, but it sounds to me like you don't want to leave one without having the other ready and waiting for you on the other side. It sounds like you care for both these women in different ways of course, but you still care. Seems that you want to be with KP if she will have you, but will stay with wife until them. KP has a lot to work through and kids and hubby to deal with. The health issue is tiring in itself. If it is KP you want, leave your wife and wait and see what happens with KP at least you are done with one relationship before you jump right into another. You have a little down time. I can see KP's side of things. Just my opinion.
