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Recently I read a story about a teen that is being banned from church services in the Midwest because he is a distraction. According to the story he is autistic and likes to sit on girl's laps, listen to car motors and spit on people. He also will walk around making noises during services.
The parents have been offered a number of solutions from a private service, sole use of the "cry room", and a few other idea that would let everyone have what they need. None of which do the parents want.
Having seen a situation like this in my parents church with a teen that wondered the church during Mass, and having had a few "intresting" people in the church I currently attend I can see how this would be hard week after week.
In the parish my family now attends we have a woman that is obviously mentally challenged. She sings loudly and VERY off key and at times is about a second or so behind everyone when singing or praying. But she is in her seat, does not yell out and so she is not anyone I would say was a distraction.
A few years ago I looked into joining a group for parents with children with Asphegers, which is a form of autism. I believe that BULLSEYE has spoken about the fact that he has a daughter with a form of it and my step son was thought to have it. I think he might have a mild form in addition to a few other related conditions.
When I got there a few things struck me: I was the only father there, these women seem to have become obsessed with the one child with this to a point that was not healthy for them or the child or the other children most of them had, but what really hit me was that they came off very self centered.
What I mean by that can be best described by something that happened while I was there. A woman in the group brought up a book she had read by a doctor that treated these kids. He suggested a certain configuration of a classroom might better suit this type of child's learning. The mother went on to say that she had taken the book with this suggestion to her child's teacher who was teaching special education students of many types, not just children with this condition. She went on to say she demanded that this be done in the room ASAP. I was taken aback. You have a room full of students of many types and you feel you can demand to have the room, not a little area, but the whole room reconfigured so MAYBE this will help YOUR child learn better?! What about the rest of the kids? And when later on I asked just that question I got a room full of looks as if I had committed a cardinal sin.
I get that your child is your top concern, but he/she has to exist in the world that they find where the rest of us live. I once received a call after a meeting with all my son's "team". The teacher wanted to thank me. I asked why? Seems I was one of the few parents in a meeting like that that ever asked how his child's actions were impacting the overall classroom learning. This was a mainstream class my son was in and I could only think if I was the father of one of the other kids in the class and someone was slowing my son's learning I would want it fixed. Actually it also was slightly "other motivated" in that I thought if he was being too disruptive it would get around school and his reputation would be dirt.
We all have ways we would like the world to be set up but it is not. A train that ran from a stop down the block from my home to New York and another that ran to my office in NJ would be great, but NJ Transit said no...LOL.
Having a child with special needs is tough at times, and I am the first to say that I and my wife had alot easier time then most as his problems were not anywhere near as severe as many. But I think that in those situations and in lfe in general we need to remember that we live in a world of other people.
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Posted by whiteknight on 2008-05-28 07:45:25 | Rating: | Views: 122
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Bullseye:I will look and see if I can find a link to the story. This teen was the EXTREME DEGREE. As I said he was spitting, running in and out of the church, yelling, this was something FAR beyond anything your daughter would so, trust me
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Posted by whiteknight
on 2008-05-28 09:11:14
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Wow. Great post. It is refreshing to read something so "objective" from a "subjective" poster.
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Posted by Meredith
on 2008-05-28 12:18:54
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Link to the story
http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/faith/19059069 .html
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-05-28 15:01:26
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Thanks, the story I read was even more detailed about his behavior.
If the church said to get out w/ no other solution I would agree they were unfeeling but as they tried many ways to have this teen attend Mass w/o disrupting the Mass I think they tried.
As I said, the off key, off beat singer is someone you just smile and enjoy her innocence, when a teen walks to to the alter during the consecration then that is different.
Again I am not saying that anyone should be looked down on, but when the actions of one ruin the life of the many there needs to be some midpoint reached where everyone gets what they need.
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Posted by whiteknight
on 2008-05-28 16:11:15
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