Thoughts.com Blogs - I know,"Stop comparing"

After getting that call from my wife I thought I could get it all out by just updating the last blog, but I need more of a vent

I guess this makes me mad because on one hand I have a wife that I look at and see her having it all, in terms of health, chances, a little luck, and she is not dumb or unattractive. I see her taking the easy, fearful, nonchallenge that is this other job.
I see her letting fear and negative feeling and worry cloud her life. I see a woman that told me she was gaining confidence at work and that soon it would flow over and start showing up at home. I guess that is over. And all this just makes me more sure that I have outgrown the wife.
Maybe this is a job better suited to her
Maybe she will not simply sit and rot behind a desk
But I had grown to almost respect what my wife did for a living, she had a job I could explain easily, She had a job that people respected and understood
Moreover she had a job she liked and to give it up out a position of weakness makes me really sad.
And to add a sidelight here: I see recently that she has not only made me less romantic but less intellectually curious. I see that the man that would look at art, watch PBS, listen to good lectures where I could has become a man in his 40's that does none of that. I am starting soon to do alot more of that

On the other hand we have a woman you all know, KP, a woman facing death in the eye and yes she has her moments and yes she gets afraid...but her fear makes sense:
when someone fears a grizzlie bear or even flying I can see that and I fear grizzlies so....
but when someone is on a talk show saying they fear garden knomes or sliced cheese or fingernails we usually tell them to get over it and they go on some bad daytime talk show
KP is facing her fear, she has even named it "the bull" so she can fight it one on one
it is easier to fight what you can see and personalize
I have never felt that she took the easy way out
Recently you all know she had a choice of surgery or more chemo
She saw the surgery as easier, yes she feared it might cause a loss of her voice and she had decided...over my loud protest... that if that happened she would never even meet me, so maybe some might say she feared losing two important things and chose the harder route because of that fear, but I see it as choosing the harder, more painful, more exhausting route so as to make sure that her life could be better.
Yet she did it
She faced the fear and ran through it and moved from one house to another while going through treatments and getting little true support from her husband

As I titled this, maybe it is unfair to compare these two women in my life
They are both great people in certain senses
And maybe if I was there, in person, in the trenches, at 2 AM when the world is dark and silent and lonely and you sometimes get visited by your fears that do not come out in the daylight..maybe if I was there at KP's side I might see more fear and see her as more fearful. but I seeem to doubt it would equal what I see here with my wife.
And maybe this is for the best, she can not blame me for this decison if it is the bad one