| View Blog
|
|
|
|
OK before everyone yells "No DUHHHH" at their computers, let me explain what I mean.
Right now in my life I am presented with a few different "futures":
1) KP gets better, we meet, we marry
2) KP gets better, she decides for reasons that she and I know about, that staying put is the answer. We never meet, or we meet once, but we never marry
3) KP dies
So I am trying to work on the marriage I have here should the last two happen. I guess there could be a 4th where I leave my wife no matter what happens w/ KP but who knows.
At first I did the marriage therapy thing as sort of a way that I could show the world I tried on my way out the door. Now I see it as a way to make sure my wife does not crumble into a ball should I go. And before I get the "she is stronger than you think" comments, she is not. I have repeatedly heard this from her plus she says it in therapy. So now I am preparing myself for any possibility and also making sure my wife does not become an old maid type in her 40's if/when I go.
But here is where my point is. I saw an attorney a bit back and have found out that 14 years of marriage is sort of a point of no return in terms of alimony. If I stick around too long trying to fix her and the marriage then I pay forever...leave now and it may be just 5 years of pain.
So stay and try and be penalized...or leave and give up so as not to pay for as long.
And do not even get me started on the whole idea that success and hard work is penalized in this situation. I can see if you marry a woman, she stays home and raises kids and cleans the house and all that and then you leave, she should get a piece. Or even moreso if she had something to do with your success, like she helped pay your way through med school. That is one thing.
BUT...if I work and she works and because I took on a 4 year school wheil she took only 2 years of college...and I strapped myself w/ coleege loan debt which was paid in full before I met her and I pay most if not all the household bills now because her lack of education has made it impossible to get a real good job despite my warning of this and my pleadings when we married that she needed to get a better eduaction......if that is the case explain to me how it is fair that I need to pay for her lack of forethought.
As I said in a blog a few months ago, how is it that women can again and again state they want to be equal, yet they allow this to continue?
|
|
Posted by whiteknight on 2008-01-18 07:24:31 | Rating: | Views: 112
|
|
| |
|
|
| Blog Comments
|
|
|
|
|
hmmm...I do not know your full situation, but I can see what you are saying...any woman worth being called one would not take the alimony unless she needed it, I would, but I stay home and raise the kids, I have no savings or anything, till I got on my feet it would be really difficult, if she works and there are no kids then she should just get an apartment and move on...but I can't help but wonder why you are involved with KP while still in a relationship. I am not judging...just curious if your marriage is over or if you are cheating, what is the situation? Just curious, no judgement here....
|
|
Posted by Rajah1116
on 2008-01-18 09:58:23
|
|
|
|
|
Well it is more this: KP and I met online, it grew, and we went thru a few ups and down where I pushed her away, she got ill and pushed me away, she got better and was close to coming, etc. So in my heart I would not be being truthful if I do not say that yes it is emotional cheating. Had KP come on the visit she was to have last year it would have been physical cheating. I am not hding or making excuses. But I went from a man that was presented very early in my marriage w/ a chance to cheat and said I had caught my limit at ONE, to a man that needs more and is madly in love w/ another woman. I am not making this ALL my wife's fault but I think if you read the posts about her you will see that it is more her fault than mine. I loved that woman and romanced her, and tried to make her feel cherished and she was unable to see that and return the love. KP can attest that twice in the two years we have been talking that I have said that I wanted to make another try at the marriage, once early on when KP was all but on a plane here. I wanted to be a good man but behind every good man is a good woman and when that woman walks away from certain things, the man falls down.
|
|
Posted by whiteknight
on 2008-01-18 10:45:14
|
|
|
|
|
I understand...I did not mean to be nosy, it just helps me get a better sense of what I am reading from you, that's all...thanks for the honesty!
|
|
Posted by Rajah1116
on 2008-01-19 16:15:40
|
|
|
|
|
|
Email This to a Friend 
