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| Clear the air.set things straight Part 1
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After some thought and a long talk with a friend I think I need to clear up a few areas that seem to be things people do not get on here.
I get a feeling that many think that in two areas, if not more, they just do not get my position so I will explain:
Today's topic is the wife
Why do I stay?I stay for many reasons and they have changed. Once it was money. Now I see that is not going to be as big an issue as I once imagined and as I was advised it would be by an attorney.
And yes I know the suicide thing is a manipulation maybe, but I have this sinking feeling it may not be 100 percent that cut and dry. She may mean it.
Do I think if I had chosen an off ramp or two before here she would have done this? NO, I think that just like in many ways her bull has pulled me down a little from where I once was so has my actions.
But the difference is I see that life can get better.
I see a life w/o her being more fulfilling, she does not see that for herself...so if I leave and she goes even further down, she will never come back up. I will the next day start that road back to the guy that I was a few short months ago.
But she may be stronger than you think...:
Maybe but I doubt it
In fact a few people I know that know her say the same thing, she will not come back from me going and may kill herself.
You are talking a woman that was so silly as to almost not date me because my name was similar to a former deceased love of her's. An old bf you hate, I can see maybe that but not a love that died!
If she is this bad why did you marry her?:
Because she married a boy, and I am now a man.
She married a guy that had yet to have sex and yet to have a 3rd date! The confidence I got made me a man, but she does not like this man.
Also I have told her till I am blue in the face that there are men that most likely would love her as she is.
I never got why she had this thing for older men, ALOT older, as in my father's age in the case of my son's father(he would now be the same age as my dad is what I mean). Maybe it is because they are in tune in terms of her energy. When she had the time she cooked and cleaned and did alot of things. She is not a nag.
She lets me do what I want to a great degree...but that can also be a curse. I mean let's look at the fact that I chatted for months and months, had gut wrenching talks, cried, was happier than I ever imagined, loved and laughed with a woman right under her nose. I mean this was not a situation where she was at my job or on the way home or something, this was chats I had right there feet from her. And many were so emotion filled that it was amazing, yet she never saw it.
But she trusted you!: Yes she did.
But trust is one thing, blindness is another.
If you read things here posted by women hurt by cheating(and I will dispute that what I did was cheat)husbands. They see signs, they see the new clothes, the new intrest in things, the new intrest in looks on his part. They see things.
She saw none
Ok she stinks, leave her and let the chips fall where they may: Good idea and soon I may do that
But I want to give her every shot, and she wants one more....and maybe I AM JUST GIVEING HER CHANCE 1000 but I think it is worth a try....but when a woman looks at you and says that she wants a blueprint on how to be spontaneous, and has no idea how to talk dirty in bed, and says CAN"T to every outside the bedroom idea I give her (take a class, find an intrest, join a club, find 5 things you think I might like to do with you and I will pick one so we share an intest, throw a party and invite friends so that we are more social...)it gets daunting
When a person looks at you and says you broke me, you fix me, it gets hard to see how that person could be able to move on and get better and be what you want...
What do you want?:
Confidence
Spontaneous
Romantic and reacts to romance I give her with something...case in point:On our wedding day I had a series of little Disney couple statues(they were plastic things nothing big)given to her all day. She woke up to Snow White and Prince Charming, the hairdresser gave her Cindrella and her Prince, when I brought the son back after watching him while she got her hair done I gave him another Cinderlla one...and in our wedding suite I had a Beauty and the Beast musical snow globe there waiting for her with roses and champange.
It took effort and planning
It was a good idea
She remembers it not a bit as she showed me last night when I mentioned it and she reacted ho hum on that day.
I want .....
A woman that will stand up to me
A woman that will not need me but want me and stays out of want not need
A partner in all ways
someone I respect
someone that wants to take the rest of the ride with me as I hope the best is yet to come
Someone that makes me want to be better
Someone that is a guardrail for me and does not let me go off 1/2 cocked
I want Love
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Posted by whiteknight on 2008-09-08 00:23:00 | Rating: | Views: 65
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| Blog Comments
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WK...hmmm seems like I am always commenting on your blogs..I understand why you stay. It is a huge step to leave..knowing that once you leave ..coming back would not be easy. You have taken on a huge responsibility in trying to assure she will be okay once you go. You can not learn spontaneity..or curiosity or strength. You can not learn to be romantic and confident. Some of these are genetic traits and some are built with life long experiences. She can not change over night and may never change. Being married to a person that has none of the traits you most desire in a partner..is a no win situation. She can't make herself be all of these things, and nothing you say or do will change her into these things. You are both miserable. I wish the best to both of you. This is indeed a difficult situation and one that I don't see changing unless you take that leap. Good luck!
peace :) shemelts
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Posted by shemelts
on 2008-09-08 10:38:32
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I would agree
She has decided she has a "last idea", basically that the bedroom will make her confident and it will grow from there. I disagree but will give her a chance
But now for the first time, she has a deadline in my head....OTHERWOMAN I learned that from you,,,LOL....she has till that date to either show real growth or will cut bait and she swims or drowns on her own accord.
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Posted by whiteknight
on 2008-09-08 13:11:38
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WK..are you a kid with a new crayon box..pick a color and stick with it..All this color makes it difficult to read..and to look at the content..instead of marveling at your creativity.
Ha!
peace :) shemelts
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Posted by shemelts
on 2008-09-08 17:08:04
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WK - bottom line is she is responsible for her life - YOU ARE NOT. If you were my husband and you were saying all these things about me online, I'd kick your arse and tell you to leave.
Like I said, she doesn't take you serious, because you are still there. You are still treating her like your wife, a woman you love.
No need to clarify, it's your life, it's your blog, perception is not necessarily reality.
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-09-08 19:13:52
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