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Another post inspired by the word that a friend posted in my blog...
Let me start here: I acknowledge that I am cheating on my wife in every sense, but physical, that people use that word. I am not proud of it but it serves no one to play the game of saying that I am not doing it because I never met KP and all that, that it is "just emotional" ,all that happy nonsense...I am cheating.
That said I want to explain a few things

I grew up watching guys dump, cheat on and otherwise mistreat women the way that normal teen guys do. I begged life to give me love and let me walk in the mall holding hands w/ some girl that I loved and I would never mistreat her.

I meant every word.

I saw marriages that lasted and saw how happy those people were. I was asked more than once by a brother that is a bit of a rouge if I would cheat on my wife if this or that woman from my past, women I had known in high school or college or even TV and movie stars and I always said that I would never do that.
I saw a dad that adored his wife and unless Raquel Welch cam to our door, dad was not even looking at another woman ever, never mind think about sex w/ another woman!
I wanted that.

Then I met my wife and I married her and poured out all the romance that had been locked in my heart for years and made her feel loved.
Problem is that I never really got back what I gave, and never had a feeling that she really even realized all I was doing.
I did things so romantic few women that have heard of them are not impressed. Roses, CD's of love songs, remembering the site of every date we ever went on.....etc.
However, I never really got back what I gave.
She would go weeks, months at one point when I "waited her out" w/o asking for or needing sex. I got tired of chasing her.

Missed cards, birthdays ignored, thank yous not heard, denied sex, "too tired" nites....that builds up after a bit

If you stop feeding a cat he or she will eventually look for a new food bowl. Want the dog to keep doing tricks, he needs a bone on occasion.

I went online and ued that as my outlet

That is where I met KP

At first she was a fantasy and that is maybe why I did not let her come in May 2006 when she offered.

Then she started to become MUCH more real till in late 2006 I told my wife we needed to look at our marriage and we did. For a month and half we talked and talked and fought and cried...then came a wedding we needed to go to, the holidays came, KP unexpectedly got ill and "disappeared" for a month w/o explination as she was in the hospital and it happened so fast that she had not told anyone to tell me..and that was fine. This all happened while I looked at my marriage and sid maybe I needed to give the wife another try. I calmed down the talks and everything settled.

Then on my birthday I decided to take inventory and saw that my wife was not where she needed to be. She had claimed to have grown, yet did little to show it. She had not changed since this all had begun. She was neglecting me.

KP was not neglecting me

So now we are basically where we are now. Yes KP got ill, yes the wife gave in and we sought therapy. Yes to all of that but my heart was where it is now and where it will stay.

I am not saying it is all the wife. Maybe if I kept pouring the romance out some would seep into her and she might start to give back
If I did not seek online fantasies I would have never met KP so I guess some could say that I ws cheating then.
And to be honest, I was a little inexperienced when I met the wife and when sex was flat w/ her I finally, years in, went to a high class escort to see if it was me or her(the wife) and saw it was her. So yes I cheated physically. And yes I know that I can not compare an escort that makes money in the area to a wife, but it showed me it was not me that had the issues in bed.
All I can say is that while I am cheating, and have cheated, I am also saying that my wife is not blameless.
And I am also open to the idea I married a woman I should not have for some good reasons but the wrong reasons.

And yes, I agree that this all may be a rationalization, but as Jeff Goldblum said in THE BIG CHILL, "Rationalizations are more important than sex. try to go a whole week w/o a rationalization."

So yes. I am a cheating husband but I think any marriage grows from the food and water seeds that are planted, and I am not so sure the wife fed the plant she was given on our wedding day as well as she needed to to make it bloom they way it would to have it be forever plant