Thoughts.com Blogs - Am I a good person?

Strange thing is that I had two blogs planned and in sitting down to write them I discovered in a very true way, they are the same thing in different areas.

A few days ago I was telling someone the whole story I blogged about days ago about that stupid game show about lie detector tests.
It started a discussion about if you feel you are a good person.
I was amazed as I thought that most people see themselves as good
I do not mean you sit there blowing your own horn at the top of your lungs, I mean you feel that in a basic sense that all in all you are a good person.
The fact that this even came out of the story amazed me. I thought that while if you hooked someone to that machine for 2 years and asked them that and you said yes, you might get a "false negative" in that maybe right before the test you had yelled at your kid for not getting home on time or something so some guilt might screw up the results.
But that a woman I know that has 7 kids, one of whom is adopted, and all raised well and into solid citizens and adults not seeing herself as good stunned me!
It made me almost fall off my chair when she said it.

Then this morning I was talking to KP and I could tell she was sad.

At first I thought it was health news, thank God it was not that...

Then I thought maybe it was someone from chemo that she became friends with had passed away...Tuesday was chemo day and I thought maybe she did not know before today that someone had died and heard today....was not that

I eased off as i could tell it was not something she wanted to talk about....I had one more guess but again was wrong....it was not a future event but a past one
Anyone who read her blog today saw that today is the 20th birthday of the daughter she gave up as a teen
I had forgotten, or maybe never knew, that it was this time that that had happened
Without going into details that are her's to tell if she wants, and maybe she has in earlier blogs on the issue but bottom line that is her story to tell NOT MINE, she had no choice
a 16 year old girl that was pregnant and had a baby is not ready. she can be helped to keep it by the right circumsatnces and the right loving people around her, but even then it is hard if she chooses that road
So she gave the baby for adoption
A family was made happy
A child raised in a loving home from all indications that are available
And KP lived out her life, grew up, went to college, married, had kids and then met this nutty Yank and we are here today....

But I heard in a woman's voice, a woman I love, a question not answered because I never asked....I know that answer in my heart...
I heard her asking herself was she a good person
I heard her heart break as she spoke
I heard her heart break in the silences, we talked for 4 hours

KP, know one thing, you may not be perfect...no one is
you may question your decison, it may make you sad, it may even make you depressed for a day or two..but it was what a woman in a girl's body needed to do at that moment when faced with choices that women twice your tender age fight with daily

Many of them make a really bad choice but as my soapbox is neatly packed for this blog I will say no more on that

KP know one thing YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON, and never feel you are not. The kids you did get to raise and see take first steps, and lose first teeth, and call you mommy, and you get to tuck in and take to karate and dance class and all that are great kids and I know things I will never tell here that make me more sure of how great you raised them every single day!!!

I love you more than I will ever be able to show you...and I know you love me and I know that all 3 of your children, even Z love you too, even though I sense you question that.

In an old episode of MASH they did a mock-documentary about the 4077. In it Klinger says about the doctors "They give life, what else can you say."

KP, she loves you because you gave her life, what else can I say