OK well lets see,,,Friday nite my nephew is in a parade, I am trying to be a good uncle as this is my favorite nephew and I can not find parking and miss it all...Saturday the wife and I go to NYC and it is a mob scene but she shows alot of signs that she may be finally getting it.  I did not feel like this fun idea was a chore, she even played a lil footsie under the table at dinner and I started to think that maybe I have been too hard on her.  I start to think that maybe I had closed myself off to the idea that she could change, simply set my eyes on KP , and was playing out this therapy and marriage and talks, and all that as some long goodbye to make my departure a more palatable move once I did it.  "Well I/he/they tried at least before they ended it.  They/we/I did go to therapy and all.".... when we went to dinner there was this couple that was 50 yrs married that was there and I thought that I am sure they have had their moments and made it through..maybe he had a KP in his past and decided to stay, who knows??  But then she blows it!!!!  We get home, I get wrapped up in a TV show and then making sure I download the pics off my camera and it is midnite before I hit bed and since we were on a roll I decide to just snuggle over and kiss her and.......well anyway after we finish, and trust me I made it all about her needs, what do I hear????"I was about to fall asleep.  Now I will be up all nite"  Now said in some playful, fun, cheeky way that might be fine...but it was a complaint..  OK am I being too hard on her, two women I respect, one being KP and the other I will let say who she is if she wants to, both think I am.  They claim I am setting the wife up to fail and when she does I just make the case in my mind stronger...They think I am setting her up, looking for anything to pick at, and when I see it I pounce on it.  Thing is that while I may be looking for things, when I admit that, as I sort of did Saturday at dinner..and I decide maybe I need to ease up..it hurts even more when it seems that all I thought before was right.  The old saying is that You only hurt the ones you love, true, but not because they are the only ones you do stuff to.  You only hurt the ones you love because they are the only people that care enough about what you do to let you hurt them.  If the day had gone like so many other of these attempts at fun in the past had gone, and I simply saw the same ole wife, what she did later would have just been more of the same.  In fact most likely I hit bed and go to sleep.  I do not even try the sex.  But I tried, I thought that maybe she had changed more than I had given her credit for, maybe while I was busy making plans to go and talking to KP, and figuring out what my next move was in that area, she had really grown and I had missed the change.  Sort of like her weight loss.  I did not see her as big and so I did not really notice the change as it came.  I knew she was doing it and encouraged her as I heard the numbers and yes I saw small signs of that change, but only when I look at pictures from a year ago do I see the difference.  Maybe she had finally changed the inside too and it had been as gradual and I just missed it also....but then BOOM, she proves to me that she had not really changed...Or am I wrong?