Just by a confluence of weird events my wife, my son and I all had talks with people to help us sort things out.
My son actually had two. Let me start w/ him. After his "breakdown" the other day I reached out to two of the people he mentioned he wanted to talk to. I would have tried the third but have no idea how to get him.
One was a school guidance member/psych. He and my son have grown close and my son trusts this guy alot. I like him too and he is one of the few people that I have had in that position during his school years that I do trust and like. The other was a therapist he saw because he had alot of emotional issues as a kid. This therapist saw him for about 7 years and helped him alot until he retired maybe 2 years ago. I had offered my son to find another person at the time but we all agreed he did not need one.
A lil side story to this is my wife's amazement that I could get him as quick as I did, maybe it took a day. All I really did was call his old number, speak to the doctor there and they passed the message on. But when she picked up the phone and heard this man's voice she was first thinking it was just luck. When I told her it was my doing she was amazed, yet no real acknowledgement that I had made the effort. Had it been up to her she still would be saying she would get to it. She had an idea, different from mine, how to do this but took no action.
The best part is that in both cases my son heard the same advice. That advice was do what you are doing, you are doing the right thing! That two trained advisors echoed each other w/o even knowing the other was talking to him made me feel my son is on the right track. He will be OK.
Now for my wife.
She went for therapy and to my mild surprise she liked that guy.
She thought he gave her some good advice so far, and she is going back. I do wonder what he thinks of me already but that is not as important as her getting something from it.
As someone I love told me recently, it is not always about me.
We had a talk that got very hot and heavy last night and although she claims no, I think that he gave her new confidence. She already says she will not fall apart if I go. She also now feels I need to be punished however if I do....well I asked for it.
And instead of adding another post about this discussion we had like I planned, all I will say is that I really am more sure she is not paying attention.
As I posted before, she saw no signs of my lows and highs
She had me so fustrated at points I almost spilled it all, but the peace I got at the meeting I will tell you about in a minute stopped me.
But I did make a few alluisons to it and she just missed them all.
Ladies, if your husband told you in a similar situation that he should have just blindsided you and not given you the chance to fight for him like he had the chance to do two years ago, would you not maybe follow up on that comment? She just said maybe I should have.
And the other point,I mentioned that her constant need for sleep...and yes I have looked into exactly what Caring Advice commented on and her thyroid is fine and she had this need to sleep LONG before the two jobs came into play...was what seems to be an over riding issue. She denied it.
Then last night issues with our dog and a noisy situation outside kept her up all night. When this morning, after she had been given at least a few hours to sleep, I came in to say have a good day and kiss her goodbye I asked if she had at least been able to sleep a bit those few hours? I was being nice, showing concern. I got back that she took a few naps in that time but she guesses her need for sleep is too much in a snide tone.
This has all just become too poisonis
Now me:
A whole bunch of events, KP getting well, a sermon that not this but another priest in our parish gave last week on really understanding what the church is about and not leaving because you think you know, my son's explosion the other day....all came together and I decided to see a priest from our parish.
I had a small meeting on an issue having to do with actual school work for my son scheduled so I went to that and then saw the priest.
We sat for what felt like an hour but was two and a half.
He said alot of things I had heard before,
He said alot of things that I knew in my heart and that were good pieces of advice, even though he repeatedly said he was not answering my questions and just giving me more so as to make me think. He did answer alot though.
He also said alot that made me a little surprised. I expected fire and brimstone and I was sinning and moralizing. What I got was a man that while maybe he was never married, saw what it was, understood love and what it does to people, and he was fair.
One thing did make me see that maybe I need to rethink my stand on no married priests when he asked me why I just didn't go after single women. I fell in love with KP, not because of anything other than she was who she was and I could chase women all my life and never find the love I have for her. Maybe not ever being able to let himself experience that type of love may have prompted that question.
He asked one very good question, a question I have asked myself more than once: If I never met KP would my marriage be OK? What would my life be? I told him it might not be as on the brink, but I would be unhappy, just maybe quietly unhappy.
But all in all I felt better after I left. Better about life and about the church I was in. And better about the choices I made in the last few years. The strange thing is that this priest before and after, kept trying to have me see one of the other priests because he was better at the marriage part of all this. I assured him he need not sell himself short, he was great.
Had a dream last night:
I was on Deal or No Deal and the banker offered me no money and a free of alimony divorce and my wife got all the money and I got KP or I could open my case. If I remember right I had two high amounts including the million.
I took the deal
I took the deal
Posted by whiteknight on 2008-04-11 08:06:20 | Rating: n/a | Views: 129
Ah Bless your heart! Cool dream though. I am so glad to hear that your son talked to some people and feels better about the track he is on. Glad also to hear that your wife likes her counselor. She needs that for herself. She probably feels lost in this situation also and talking to someone outside of the situation always helps.
Good that you went to the priest and was able to put your feelings on the line and get some answers. I am impressed with your tenacity at trying to do the right thing for everybody and working hard to make sure this is not a mistake. I think the priest asked a legitimate question, but as you answered sometimes we aren't exactly "looking" for this to happen when it does. People fall in love with people for who they are and how they make them feel. You are on the right course..keep going there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Your question for the wives..absolutely! I am so tuned into what he says and what he needs, that I would have definitely asked: What does that mean? peace :) shemelts
Whiteknight, I have been there, heck, I have been everywhere. When I went for advice, I was told 'don't make any life changing decisions' huh? everything I did in those days was life changing. I hurtled on ahead and hurt a lot of people. Me especially.
One thing I now know, don't buy a house, a boat or change your job without checking the fine print. The person I cheated with turned out to love my earning potential, added plus, she loved the intrigue and excitement of a clandestine affair. Once she was 'safe' she turned into a thinly disguised version of my mother. Demanding, abusive, selfish,very jealous,a thief, and a liar.
I didn't understand what I was told,
'don't make any life changing decisions' and as an excitement junkie, I was hooked on the adrenaline any new relationship, or change in any important life situation gives you. Have you ever bought new house? like that. When the adrenaline goes, you are left with the broken pieces of your life. I would tell you face to face, you cannot make a life changing decision without a period of being ALONE with your thoughts. ALONE without I.M's without phone calls, without the excitement which can derail your thinking.
*DISCLAIMER* I do not imply your person or people are anything like my situation.The excitement is what I am talking about, not individuals.
I try to be an honorable man. You are not much older than my Son, whom I cherish. I would say the same to him. My face is out here, I am who I am,no avatar. In all honesty, if you are put off by this I wouldn't blame you, but maybe you will also take something from it.My very best regards, Stillkickin'
I had a small dose of that guy, about a year ago. It only made me want her more. I know what I have in KP and trust me, my heart and brain a synched and this is right.
I take no offense to anything you said, all advice is always taken greatfully
It is a wonderful thing that your son may great people in his life to ensure him that he stays on th right path. In reguards to your question "Ladies, if your husband told you in a similar situation that he should have just blindsided you and not given you the chance to fight for him like he had the chance to do two years ago, would you not maybe follow up on that comment?" I can only speak from experience, my ex husband once made that comment to me. My response to him was very vile and venomous but it was the honest truth. In the end, I chose to save myself.
