I just read a post that ignited my emotions and brought back unpleasant memories of my own. No disrespect intended toward the post or the blogger. Reading the post brought up some emotions in me and I just need to type. It is about my life and is no reflection on anyone else. I know from experience my words do not always come out the way I mean them to so please cut me some slack and recognize my tone is not as harsh as my manner of writing. I realize this is a topic that will boil some peoples blood. It sure makes mine boil. I am not trying to inflame I am just writing my feelings, thoughts and observations. You do not have to agree.
As a parent I have made my share of mistakes with the best of intentions. It has been a learning process for all involved. It has been a humbling experience to say the least as well as enlightening. I have seen sides of myself I would rather not have known. In the meantime I did my best to adapt, learn and change as I learned to put myself in my children's shoes. I watched other parents as my own had their own unique set of skills based on experience from their own parents that were not always the best example. I love(d) both of my parents dearly, but never condoned what I felt was wrong about either of them. Still, I was aware to some degree as to why they did the things they did and readily forgive them. I read books, watched shows about parenting and listened to others.
Perhaps the three most perfect moments were when I realized how our society secretly accepted cruel behavior to a child when it was illegal to do to an adult.
Lesson number one, rules do not make something okay. If it seems incongruent, it probably is. Secondly, if I am doing something to a child that I would expect them not to do, then it must be wrong. Lesson number two, live what you want to teach. Third, what other people think is best for my child, is of no concern to me unless it is in the child's best interest. Meaning, put the child's welfare first as this is our first priority. Opinions are only useful if they are the truth and align with what is humane.
My mind is a curious thing and it is never at rest with something until it makes sense to me. I am definitely a contradiction in many ways, but, when it comes to my belief system, I must understand from every angle to the best of my ability in order for it to be 'true' to me. And something about 'discipline' just did not line up. I had to ask myself over and over what is the best way to get my point across without hurting someone, without anger, or malice, but in love. Because if I am angry when I am teaching, a child will pick up more than just 'the lesson'.
Why is it legal to hit an innocent child, but not an adult? If you hit your spouse, you can end up in jail. If you hit a child, it is called discipline. Just curious how that makes sense. Hows about I smack your bottom everytime you tick me off? Sounds a bit off to me when I put it like that. And yes, I am aware no one dies from being 'spanked'. I have just always thought it an odd practice. Each parent must decide for themselves. I know very fine parents who use this method of discipline and their kids manage to live full, happy lives.
Being sensitive I now understand more about energy, sounds, feelings and the like and how they affect me and others. How often our behaviors are a reflection of a feeling or a reaction to our environment as a defense rather than a behavioral problem. I also realized the greatest lesson I could teach my child regarding behaviors is self control, self image, the ability to think for themselves rather than out of a forced response to negative stimuli. Kids will be kids. To me, it is more important to show them how to correct themselves, be accountable in action, control themselves and to have compassion for others. To feel a responsibility to the world they live in, to be humane, peaceful, capable of self preservation, but humble, kind, respectful of others, but with boundaries of their own.
Adults have bad days and expect the world to be understanding and yet, do not expect that their children will have off days as well. I find this disconcerting. We expect so much out of kids who are basically new to this world when we who have been here longer still cannot seem to get it right.
Just me thinking. You are free to disagree.
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