Thoughts.com

So, I've been recently posting my thoughts in my Multiply account, and yes, I think I owe my Thoughts account for some sharing. Yesterday was Valentine's Day (but my boyfriend prefers to call it Heart's Day instead, for some reason) And how did we celebrate it? We already had our Pre-VDay dinner last Sunday at MOA, we ate at Tokyo Cafe and watched a movie (Man on the ledge; which was nice by the way) + to my surprise he bought me a red, heart-shaped balloon, yes, a balloon and yes, I was THAT excited. He's not that showy, so I didn't expect that from him. But when he handed me the balloon, I was like a fat kid receiving a cone of ice cream! I was THAT kiliggg (sorry, that's a Filipino word & I can't translate that in English) It was just a little effort but I truly appreciate that. Thank you, love. ♥ Anyway, we spent the Valentine's Day with out ever dearest friend, Lester. Yes, it wasn't just the two of us, my friend REALLY have to come with us, what a date right? It wasn't intimate or anything, we just did what we're best at; laughing our asses off! We had this great buffet at Dads-Kamayan-Saisaki, also known as The Big Three. We had a blast feasting on over 200 dishes of that buffet! Yes, options are limitless! We stayed there for more than an hour till our stomachs are so full not even water can be contained anymore, I can say we DID binge-ate! Gluttony? I think so. Our bad. We just want it to be sulit (what's sulit? Getting more than what you paid for) The restau gave ALL ladies a red heart shaped balloon (balloon again!) And one of the head waiter was kind enough to give me a read & pink heart pillow. ♥ He's so sweet. Thank you, whoever you are! ☺ So we just ate like there's NO tomorrow, we were supposed to watch The Vow, but the cinemas were all sold out, talk about movie date, right? We have to plan another night out just to watch this talked about movie. We're already losers for not being able to watch it on the first week, ALMOST everybody I know already watched it, and I'm here like, WHAT THE. K. Everything went well, smooth, no pressure, just laughs and love.

So what's my "review' about this VDay Celeb? Actually, it's OUR first Heart's Day officially (HAHAHAHA! Long story) and overall it was good. Good, not GREAT? Uh, let me be 100% honest here, I expected more, you know, expectations are bad, you'll just end up disappointed, and I did. More, in terms of I thought I was getting a boquet of flowers or just a long stemed rose, or even a small box of chocolates. Yes, I'm shallow like that. Just like what I have said, he's not THAT showy, but I just thought he would exert some extra effort for this event, but he didn't. Hey, the blame is on me. I know. Okaaay, I'm being over dramatic here, I should just appreciate the fact that we didn't fought the whole day and there were just smiles everywhere + good food! No more bitterness over the flowers, they'll just wilt and chocolates will just melt (if you don't eat it) BUT memories will stay forever. There's still love and that is the most important. Nobody said that men should always give flowers + chocolates to their girl, right? So... Yeah, my bad. I'll just give him another chance to put me in awe, to be "extra" sweet, I'll give him the opportunity to surprise me on our Anniversary! Yes, I am expecting... I have my fingers crossed. ♥

So here I go again, I get jealous over the smallest things. I just can't control it. Can I? I wish. I mean, I even get irritated on myself. It sucks! Was there a time that you get jealous on a co-worker? Sounds pathetic, believe me, I know. Pardon me, I have to speak via my native language, I just can't contain it. Nakakapagod na. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang gagawin ko sa sarili ko. Walang sawa na ko nagseselos sa kung anu-anong bagay. Nakaka-stress. Nakaka-walang gana. Ang babaw at alam ko naman na wala na sa lugar, pero hindi ko maiwasan, Kung alam ko lang kung paano i-handle, edi sana ginawa ko na. Kaso di naman ganun ka-dali yun e, it's easier sad than done, believe me, I TRIED - so hard. Pero hindi ko pa din magawang iwasan. My brain keeps on telling me to stop, stop assuming. I should stop the doubts and keep the faith, in him and to myself. Why is it so hard, why am I so hard on myself? Do I have trust issues? Well, I think (just right now) ... I think I do. Sadly, I think I really do. I've been through unhealthy relationships and I guess that is what I became after all the lies and being cheated to. Now, I know. I really do have some soul-searching to do... It hurts, it really does.

I just can't help it. That's all.

I'm a bit selfish I know. But can you blame me? Well, a bit. I have that attitude where I want him to do things for me, things that would make me happy. Even though sometimes, he don't feel like doing it. Is that MY problem? I mean, I was pretty much spoiled on my past relationship, but when it comes to him, I don't feel like this at all. I have to ask him to do things for me, unlike my ex I really don't have to ask for anything coz' he already knows what I want. I know, it's not ideal to compare. But what can I do, this is how I feel. I know they are both two different persons but... Nevermind. I don't want to hurt him. But I cannot help what I'm feeling. That's why theyare called as feelings, are they supposed to be controlled. I guess so, in some point.

What I should do is: Don't react. Do nothing.

I know it's easier said than done. 

This is a confession. But before anything else, I don't normally admit this, especially to myself, what more to other people? Well here it goes, I don't usually trust myself, especially when I say "i don't get jealous" Because the truth is I do. Have you ever felt that way, when you're not supposed to get affected, your brain is trying to tell you that "hey, this should not worry you a single bit...." But your heart's telling you "I don't feel good about this..." is that normal? I don't have anyone to open this about. Maybe I'm just being naive, well, just maybe. I can't control my emotions, I'm trying. But I just can't.

First day, first post. Well, I have my fingers crossed for this self-proclaimed "blog". I wish I can update this, nevertheless, I will try with my outmost effort to write & express my thoughts here. I must admit, I will be "expressing" some of my ideas using my local vernacular, forgive me. Well, incase I lack updates here, please do check my tumblr and twitter accounts. Heads up, I'm a chatty on the Twitter world (thanks to my BlackBerry that is!)

Before anything else, let me introduce myself to World. My name is Kristina, my closest friends call me Kang. I was raised by a very God-fearing family, my childhood was very normal, I played a lot, let's just say I had a very good memories when I was a kid. I am a daddy's little girl, my dad is my first and true love! He is my hero, sadly he passed away when I was 15, don't feel sorry, I still feel his warm embrace, and I know for sure that will never go away. ☺ My brother and I was raised by my mom and lola (grandma) We're very close, and they are my strength. Seeing them happy makes me happy. Yeah, I'm THAT cheesy. :)

Anyway, I'm running outta time. Till next post.

Btwm I just had my Lookbook account, I can't wait. Really, I can't wait. JK. I hve nothing to post just yet. :(