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| The two most important guys in my world
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The thing is, is that honestly I am happy. Not over the moon, or on cloud nine or anything like that, just you know, content. My family, friends are healthy, my report card was well, exemplary according to my good friend Jake. I am healthy, relatively happy with my appearance and all; I look pretty average I suppose, even though I might belittle my siblings, disagree with my mom, or get irritated by my dad, we are probably the best as a family we have been for awhile. The only thing bothering me is that one of my two best friends are moving, my friend that used to be one of my best never tells me anything anymore, and I never know how I feel about anything.
So first, there is this guy and I thought I really loved him because it has been awhile since I was in love, the whole singing in the shower deal and all. We could just sit and talk about general things, but the thing missing was depth. I couldn’t tell him how I felt about “real” things. I mean I would say how I liked something in class or some band. Though I could never tell him how I felt about myself or anyone else. And, honestly it made me wonder if I really did love him, you know? And I am still thinking about it, the good thing about summer is I guess I a have a lot of time to do that, think I mean.
Though there is this one guy that I told everything, about my life, my fears, my needs, my wants, my troubles, my loves, my hates, my happiness, my grief, everything really. I always sort of had a little crush on him, but really he was just the most amazing friend and nothing more. Though then there was this trip, and he kissed me, and it just hit me about 2 hours later that it was so wrong. I couldn’t date him, or love him like maybe the way he loved me. And I know I overuse the word love, but I know I love him just like the most amazing guy he is, as my friend and guidance. Though then the other day he came to my house and my other friend was there. She is dating his best friend so they were talking about this time they were both at his house. And to me it seemed like he just wanted to kiss her, and then when we got to my house he just seemed so disgusted and I didn’t know why. I tried talking to him, but it was almost like the guy I confided in wasn’t the friend I knew after that one trip. I don’t want him to love me; honestly I just want him to be happy without me. Though I hope this isn’t sounding too selfish, I kind of wish it was back to before he ever kissed me, and things were just light and easy like they used to be.
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Posted by unknownartist on 2008-06-21 15:29:03 | Rating: | Views: 53
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