1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a littlebeverage, good food and companionship

She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.

Hers is in California,and mine is in Texas .

3. I take my wife everywhere....

but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for ouranniversary.

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster andelectric bread maker.

She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sitdown!'

So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because therewas water in the carburetor.

I asked where the car was.

She told me, 'In thelake.'

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.

Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?'

The driver said, 'No,jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married MissRight.

I just didn't knowher first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months

I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.

My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'

I said, 'Dust!'