Those were the happiest days I ever experienced.
July 2005. We were undergoing business communication training. I still remember that day. I saw a tall, dark, smart guy coming inside the training room. He was wearing specs.
I kept staring at him for sometime and then I realised what I was doing. I then looked at the trainer and started paying attention.
That was the first time I noticed this guy.
After few days, few students were asked to give a presentation. I was sitting in the audience and 3 guys were going to give this presentation. This guy came and started speaking on some technical topic. I was least interested in the topic. My complete attention was on the guy. I loved the way he was talking, his attitude, his smartness, his confidence. Everything was simply great.
Days passed.
August2005 - November 2005. We were undergoing technical training and I used to sit on the very first bench in order to pay attention. I never noticed him and I was completely into my world.
The training was about to end and then we were supposed to do a small project. The teams were formed and luckily we were in the same team. Now it was the time to form sub teams of 3 members per sub team. I wanted me and this guy to be in the same sub team and I was praying god for that. Fortunately we were again in the same sub team. Then we became very good friends and after just 11 days he proposed me. I always wanted to say 'yess' but since he was from a different religion I was scared. I told him the fact but he found my reason very stupid and he tried his best to convince me. I never wanted to hurt him. I used to care for him. I thought I will speak to him once we complete our certification. Days were passing and I didn’t have the courage to say him 'No'. I always wanted him to be my friend but his attitude was 'either say yess or don’t ever talk to me'.   Finally I said 'yess' to him and told my parents about this. They were quiet upset and they didn’t like my decision. I told him everything but he convinced me.
Days were passing .Sometimes I used to say him 'yess' and sometimes 'no'. We started having fights, quarrels increased. Not a single day I used to sleep without fight. I used to cry so much and then I used to feel that I was very happy when there wasn’t anybody in my life. He had his own plans. He wanted to do his MBA. He started concentrating on his work .We used to have too many fights as he had no time for me but at the same time he wanted me in his life. He always used to tell me “I want 2 things in my life. A good career and you". He was not able to handle his work and me at the same time. I started becoming a problem for him. He never understood what I wanted. We never had a good time together. If I would insist him to meet on weekend, he would first say No then after a small fight he would come and then we used to go to some restaurant. I used to talk a lot and he used to listen to me. Most of the times he used to be in a bad mood. He hardly used to talk and tell me anything. Actually I don’t blame him. He must be having his own problems or may be it’s his nature. But whatever the reason is I never wanted my husband to give least importance to me. I always wanted my husband to tell me everything, to share everything with me, to spend a great time with me and most importantly to enjoy my company. But I never found these things in him. He was very self-centred. Actually he used to care a lot for me. He used to ask me "did you reach home safely?”, "you had dinner?”, “please go to a doctor" (when I used to be ill). I appreciate this but I was expecting him to be my partner and not my guardian. I wanted a descent relationship. I wanted us to freak-out on weekends and enjoy each other's company. But that never happened.
Actually we used to go for a movie but there also we had too many fights. If we watch a movie without fight then we used to sit in the theatre like strangers. Interval time he used to ask me "do you want pop-corn or Pepsi?”, He would drop me home and I used to go to sleep.
Days passed and I started feeling that I have really done a big mistake by saying him 'yess'. Though I never had a feeling of hatred for him but I started feeling that this guy is not a perfect guy for me. I felt even if we get married and his behaviour made me to suffer then this marriage would fail. Ultimately both will suffer.
November 2007. I told him 'No'. He was shocked. I was feeling very bad. I felt as if I have done some crime but then I decided to stick to my decision. He said “there is no difference between you and a cheap girl!' I felt very bad but frankly speaking I never ever wanted to hurt him. If today I have taken a decision then even he is responsible for that . Moreover he is 80% responsible for that.
Today I still pray for him. I want him to become a successful man. I am sure he will get a girl who will understand him. I really don’t know whether he has realised his mistake or not.
I know that he loves me a lot but now it’s too late. He has time to spend nicely with me now and I know that he will definitely take good care of me but I have seen him behaving weirdly when he had tension. Now when he is free I can’t be there. I am not a saint. I am a human being. I really don’t know whatever decision I have taken is good or bad. But whatever happens I want to stick to my decision.. I feel bad for whatever has happened but the past circumstances have made me to take this decision. Nowadays I am fine when I have some work, someone’s company. But when I am alone I keep thinking about him. I keep thinking about my decision. I keep thinking about my mistakes. I am worried about him. But then why now am I thinking about him? Now everything is over. But then why I can’t stop myself caring about him, praying for him? Do I love him a lot? Can I live without him? I have no answer but then ‘why have I done like this! ’ . . But now i have decided to become adamant , whatever happens I want to stick to my decision.