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| It's hard to let them grow up
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When I got the news that I was going to have a baby I knew I would do everything in my power to give that baby the best life I knew how. I walked out of the Dr's office and threw my cigarettes in the trash. I didn't even have to think about it. I just knew I was going to give my baby the best of everything, that would have to start with taking care of myself. I never took a sip of alcohol, I didn't eat chocolate, didn't drink anything with caffeine, went to prenatal exercise 5 nights a week, I mean I overkilled the situation.
My water broke 7 weeks before my due date and we had no choice but to have the baby right now, I should have figured it out then that I had no control over what was about to happen in the Journey of parenting. I sat in the hospital intensive care unit wondering what I would do without this wonderful beautiful baby that I brought into this world. I wondered how it was possible to love one person so much, I had only known him for a few minutes and then a few hours and then a few days, yet my very happiness was depending on the life of this child, I watched his every heartbeat. Thankfully it all turned out and he is now 20 years old.
I have been real slow in getting it about parenting. I went on thinking I could control the life of another human being. I took a year off work and then went back to work 16 hours a week so that my baby didn't have to go to daycare, therefore I could control the environment my baby was in to make sure he was taken care of the way I thought he should be. I had the perfect set up. I had the perfect baby. I had the perfect life. In fact everything was so perfect I thought it would be twice as nice if we had another baby.
I had another beautiful baby boy and again he was perfect. The story continues with what I thought I could control, until I brought him home and Ryan the oldest didn't think this was perfect at all. I knew it was going to take a while before he accepted the new addition to the family. Well boy was I mistaken, it is now 19 years later to the date (my baby Trevor turns 19 today) and Ryan is finally learning to accept the fact that this baby is not going away. He is starting to kinda like him even.
I have been doing my best to let them grow up. I was not prepared for this at all, I guess I never even gave it any thought. I don't know why, I just didn't. I am the first of my friends to go thru this letting go stage. It's not easy on a Mom, I mean how could it be? I have given my life to taking care of them and making everything just right. I mean I had to anticipate their every need, how do you turn it off? Or do you just pretend to turn it off?
Where does the term good parenting turn to enabling your children? I have been giving them responsibility and they are fighting it, but I think they get it. It's harder on me then it is on them I think. I wonder if they even have a clue how difficult it is for me to give up the taking care of everything for them. No, they couldn't, how could they?
I am determined to do this right!!!!!!!!!
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Posted by trevorjohn on 2007-12-28 02:44:26 | Rating: | Views: 105
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good luck! they will thank you one day. i wish you were my mom!!!
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Posted by foxx_flie
on 2007-12-28 14:07:06
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Sounds to me like you are doing it right.
My son is 18 now, and I know what you mean, by it being hard to let your parenting instincts go.
It is the pushing them out of the nest syndrome, we want them to fly, but we are so scared that they will not open their wings to fly.
I wish you were my mom too.
hehe
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Posted by DifficultSoul
on 2007-12-31 03:12:48
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DS that has been my problem, I have been scared to push them out of the nest because I was not sure of myself. When I learned to trust myself, it was then I shut my eyes and pushed them out of the nest. Guess what? They opened their wings and they are starting to fly.
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Posted by trevorjohn
on 2007-12-31 13:37:06
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The pushing out of the nest syndrome.. that day has to come for every mom. Not something I want to think about, but certainly want to know how it goes for you. You sound like a good mom, Im sure your boys will be just fine.
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Posted by greencat
on 2007-12-31 23:53:58
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