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I was gonna have a pity party for myself

O.k. so I started to write a blog this morning and it was a poor pitiful me syndrome going on, so I went to lunch and now I'm back and I feel better. I was gonna give myself the day to feel sorry for myself but now I really don't feel the need.

Funny how it's just a decision to turn it around. I wanted to take the day and feel sorry for myself so that's how it started, I had already put a time limit on the pity party so I felt that was important and then I changed my mind, I cried, I felt my feelings and now I'm ready to get on with my day.

Trevor my 19 year old is taking another walk on the wild side and I had a gut feeling that he was and I tried to turn the feeling around because what we think about we bring about and I just realized that your thoughts are totally separate from your feelings. My gut feeling is always right and it has nothing to do with my thoughts.

I had the gut feeling for a few days and tried to argue it, but it didn't go away it just got stronger. I decided to poke around and find out what was up with him and sure enough with the first phone call I learned he was at Johns house (his drug dealer) on News years eve and that is all I needed to hear and learned my gut was right.

I went days without hearing from him and then I got a call from a police officer saying he had just been in an accident and he was messed up and they were going to take him to the hospital for bloodwork to find out what he was on and then the next thing we know they just dropped him off at the hospital and never even gave him a ticket, I'm still confused about that. He should have went to jail for DUI instead they just dropped him off and left. I believe there is something shady about that. Anyway so we think it's crooked but realize he just dodged a bullet.

So there we are now without a clue where he is for a couple of days and then my older son gets a call from another cop and he tells my son someone needs to come pick up Trevor because he is loitering around the McDonalds, so a friend of mine goes to pick up Trevor because we are still in Colorado and she takes him home and is staying with him to help him out and she was keeping me informed about the whole night and Trevor was so messed up that he just wanted more drugs and nothing was going to stop him so together we made the decision that the best thing for him would be if we had him baker acted and that would keep him safe and out of jail until I could get home and see what other options we can come up with this time for him.

Our system is so screwed up. So the police come over along with the paramedics and they were going to take him to a place called the Vista, a place I have tried to get him into before and was not able, so now we are feeling much better because maybe this time he is in a place where he can get some help. No such luck the ambulance drops him off at the hospital instead and they were gonna do some tests on him to see what he was on and they asked him to pee and he couldn't ,I suppose because he has been wondering around on the street for days, I'm sure he had nothing to eat or drink and he just couldn't pee, so they were trying to put a catheter in him and he bit one of the nurses and the cops came in and take him away, they go down the road a few blocks, go into an alley and beat the shit out of him.

I'm not saying he is an innocent party here but he's not a criminal he is a young man that got caught up in the RX drug problem that I have ranted about before. But he is a kid in need that's why we called 911 to take him someplace for help and they
detour him to jail on a felony charge because he was so messed up he bit a nurse. So the system has failed me again.

About 2 years ago when I tried to get some help for him I was unable to because he had not been in any trouble with the law before, I could not believe what I was hearing. I was so pissed. I expressed to these lovely people how screwed up our system was that he had to be arrested a few times before they would consider him a good candidate for a re-hab program. It is all coming back very clear to me now, I ended up feeling so horrible that they didn't have any programs to prevent this from happening and now here we are in the system, now will they consider him a candidate for re-hab now that he has been arrested a few times, now that they have him in the screwed up court system, now that he is a kid scared and lonely wandering the streets , now is he a good candidate for a program? I'm not talking about getting something for free, I was willing to pay whatever they wanted and yet there was no program he qualified for because they kept telling me he was just a teenager experimenting with drugs, a normal part of growing up, yeah I can see they all knew what they were talking about, right? Just a normal teenage thing he will grow out of it, I can see how he has grown. Why couldn't somebody listen?

I was a normal teenager, I was no goody good, that's for sure, I tried stuff, I tried many things, I experimented with drugs, I moved on and they were not for me, that's normal, I guess as far as normal goes for a teenager, but I tried to tell them this was not a trial, this was beginning to be a problem. Now will anyone see? now that he is looking at jail for a couple years, now will they see it's not normal teenage stuff?

I went from planning a pity party to being pissed as hell. That's what I like about this blog I can put my feelings where they need to be. I'm pissed and I have good reason to be pissed. Our system sucks. When I get pissed I take action. Pissed is good.

Let me just say this is just one more example of the drug pushers out there. This is RX drugs. This is a Dr. giving the pills to someone who is abusing the hell out them and the Doc is giving them to him 100's at a time. That is a whole story within itself. I'm just so sorry that my son is caught up in this Journey to learn whatever lessons he needs to in his life.

Pray for me that he gets the help he needs this time. I don't want to sound like he is a victim, I know and so does he that it has been due to bad choices he has made on his own and now he is paying the ultimate price. But he is a young kid that has not committed any crimes yet, he still can have a bright future. He can go on and make a difference in others lives. He just needs help to get off and stay off this stuff.

Posted by trevorjohn on 2008-01-06 17:06:06 | Rating:

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		u'll be in my prayers. i'm sorry to hear he's caught up in all of that. people i know are caught or have been caught in similar situations & it's just frustrating to have to watch when you care about them. but it sounds like ur son has ample support to help him through & one day everything will be ok. and i agree about the system - it's simply ass backwards
Posted by foxx_flie on 2008-01-07 01:10:51


		There is no heart or wisdom in the justice system. It's all about punishment. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but being pissed off might actually be your best attitude.
Posted by Pauligan on 2008-01-08 08:41:06


		i don't want this blog to turn into a rant as to how fucked up our system is...more importantly it has let down those of us who have put faith into it. you and your son are those that deserve our self righteous anger on your behalf. i am so sorry for the hell you are going through and you are in my prayers.
Posted by kmalbro on 2008-01-08 14:41:35


		It is the proper thing to help someone BEFORE they are in trouble with the Law! He may have never had those charges to begin with if a program would have committed him. The system has been messed up for a very long time. I had a friend that I tried to help get off of those Rx drugs. She bought them from a person who had a prescription, and this dealer purposely got them from his doctor to sell them. I am so sick of the system and the medical world, they have a dang pill for everything now aday!!! We need no stinking pills, we need to appreciate life. I am so sorry you have to go through this, you have a right to feel bad today. I cannot even imagine how I would feel if my son was going through that. My prayers are with you.
Posted by DifficultSoul on 2008-01-08 17:43:09


		fox__flie Love and support are all I have left, I know now that I have no control over his choices.
Posted by trevorjohn on 2008-01-09 00:29:06


		DS Maybe this is happening to make me very clear on what my mission is. I'm happy to hear that the one thing we dont have is common is the struggle I'm going thru with my Son and drugs! Bless you! Thanks for the prayers
Posted by trevorjohn on 2008-01-09 00:31:41


		Paul, Thanks for stopping by for a visit. I believe now that I'm going from hurt to pissed I can start making things happen. Pissed can be a good thing.
Posted by trevorjohn on 2008-01-09 00:34:33


		kmalbro- Your right I could spend days ranting but what good will that do? I'm gonna go create a riot where it will be the most effective. I will riot in my Sons best interest, not to get him out of trouble with the law but to get him help with his problem. I am determined and he has said he is ready for a change. Life is urgent, do whatever it takes, right?
Posted by trevorjohn on 2008-01-09 00:39:18


		hi Treverjohn, i do think that your son is a victim, why do these people have to wait until someone is a crime commiting addict before they will help? is prevention not better than cure? does the government think it is better to let the tax payers pay for a jail term rather than let a mother pay for rehab before the situation become dire, i am sorry if i sound a little blunt, i am a little shocked that there is no one who would let you do something about this situation before it got to this point, your son is a victim, he is a victim of drug pushers, police brutality, he is a victim of a very messed up system, and i pray for him and you, you both need to find someone who can give you some decent advice on how to handle this situation before it gets any worse love to you and your sons xxxx
Posted by missmarie on 2008-01-09 08:32:59


		i agree that action is the best course...the system is screwed but there is no room to argue that big right now. its the individuals that change the big picture by affecting the small picture in front of them. and if anyone can have the drive and determination to turn the tide it would be a mother fighting for her child...there is no greater love and that will be more than enough to get your son the help he needs and deserves.
Posted by kmalbro on 2008-01-09 12:18:38


		kmalbro- Your right mess with my child and I'm gonna put up a fight! No greater love, no greater reason! I'm fighting for him and I am gonna fight hard so maybe I can save some others from having the same situation happen to them. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement! Peace
Posted by trevorjohn on 2008-01-10 00:21:22


		Missmarie- Your right he is the victim of the system, he has been crying out for help for a while and the F****** system prevented us from getting the help he really needed. Is what I mean by he is not a victim is that he has made some bad choices. I am going to fight like I have never fought before, Beware I am women hear me ROAR! If I am able to prevent this shit from happening to even 1 Mother and her child it would be worth the fight, however I want to help thousands. I'm gonna put my money where my mouth is. Thank you so much for your support at such a difficult time in our lives. I will not stand back and watch my Son be a statistic. Peace
Posted by trevorjohn on 2008-01-10 00:27:49