I have not been writing the last week or so because I have been so busy enjoying my company.

One of my dear friends from childhood, it's her teenage daughter and we have just been hanging out and having the time of our lives, just being together. The daughter I never had. Who says you have to give birth to someone to consider them your son or daughter.

We are rubbing off on each other. It's been a true experience. The reason I cant sleep is because I woke up in the middle of the night and started thinking how much I would miss her when she was gone. I cant believe it is causing me to lose sleep.

I have enjoyed her alot. She is fun, crazy, a bit wild and totally wonderful. We seem to create alot of attention when we are together simply because we are having fun. People are attracted to fun. This is what we are up to, nothing more then fun.

There is a generation gap that is not so bad. She is the same age as my sons, they grew up together, her mother and I were pregnant together, her mother and I were like trouble makers together, hell who am I tring to kid, we still are trouble makers together, good trouble, not bad trouble. It's fun!

My kids are a little bit jeaulous, but I think it's good for them. They think I would do anything for Courtney and they are right,  I would, but I have done everything for them their whole lives and they just take it for granted. They are loving and wonderful but they are spoiled rotten and think they deserve this and that. It's interesting thats for sure.

I'm looking at the whole dynamics and seeing things so clearly. I even told Courtney I'm pissed that I didnt see things this clearly a long time ago. I have done everything for them so they expect it, I have done everything so they didnt have to do it themselves, I have done everything for them so how can I expect them to know how to do it for themselves. I just did what I thought was best. I was just tring to give them all that I could and make their lives easy, I just did what I did.

Courtney loves my boys, but , it hurts her to hear the way they blame me for any problem they have ever had in their lives, it's sad really. Dont get me wrong we have all had a good time hanging out together. But she has told me it hurts her.

Things are just changing alot and it is hard on my kids. I'm not doing everything for them anymore, I'm putting my foot down, this is it, game over, time to grow up. It's gonna be hard on them but it's time. They are just out of the nest, it's time to fly.

As for Courtney some would look at her and think she is totally out of control but the point is she may be a bit loud and have purple and pink streaks in her hair, peircings on her face and a tattoo that takes over a good portion of the upper part of her torso (that makes me sad) , but that is the way she has chosen to express herself, she doesnt do drugs and doesn't get in trouble, well big trouble at least, stupid trouble, fun trouble, teenage trouble but the point is she is a good kid and she is just expressing herself. I have learned so much from her and like I said we are rubbing off on each other, I hope she will take with her a little piece of me as I have taken a piece of her. If I could just teach her one thing that will serve her well in her life it would be, respect, the respect that she see's my children lacking for me, she lacks for others, and that hurts me. Not that she is bad, I have already established that, she is tottally awesome but the generation she's is in, the same one my children are in, lack of respect. I think that somes it up. If she had the respect for others like she shows me and her parents she would be perfect! anyone could get past the hair color, the piercings, even the frickin tattoo, as long as their is respect. I love her with all my heart.

I forgot to mention while she was here we went down to the beach and I got my nose pierced and we came home and she put a purple streak in my hair. Thats how much I love her, she reminds me to not take life too seriously and be free, be me. Thank you Courtney!