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10 steps backwards

I was suppose to go on my first Motorcycle ride in 25 years yesterday, it got called off because my friend that has been tring to convince me to get back on and ride had a client come in town and had to cancel. I was a bit relieved.
I had a really bad accident on a motorcycle (my Brother was driving, I was passenger) like 25 years ago and have been scared to death ever since, well a few months ago I decided to run to the roar and get back on and ride (not passenger) anyway my husband bought me a Harley for our Anniversary and I have taken a few short rides, up and down the street, but in my head I couldnt bring myself to go into the real traffic.
So yesterday was going to be the big day. Didnt happen.
I get a call from my Dad and for some reason I knew right away something was wrong. I said whats up? He could hardly talk at this point and he chockes out that my Brothers best friend Rex just got killed on his motorcycle. Right outside my Brothers window, I cant believe this news, it's so not real to me. I cant imagine how my Brother is feeling, I feel bad enough, but I am so hurting for my Brother.
His everyday of the rest of his life is changed. Rex was an everyday in his life for the last 20 years.
Life is short, this is just one more reminder.
Life is urgent!
Do I really want to get on and ride again???????

Posted by trevorjohn on 2008-02-25 09:12:59 | Rating:

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		At 71 I still ride a bit... the Harley seems somehow heavier than it used to... I too had a bad crash years ago... didn't stop me but I have to wonder; does it make any sense to keep after a young man's sport? Good post! Cheers...
Posted by wlamebull on 2008-02-25 09:28:45


		So sorry about your brothers friend..How sad that is. Maybe that was God's way of protecting you from the true fears you had about the ride....Take care Trevorjohn....One day at a time will bring you to peace...
Posted by Hollis on 2008-02-25 09:36:43


		I'm so sorry to hear about your Brother's friend. I've always been afraid of motorcycles. My husband's brother was killed on one also. So was my sister's brother-in-law. I get nervous when I see them on the road next to me. My prayers are with your family.
Posted by keepdreaming on 2008-02-25 09:42:01


		lamebull- I guess we will do what we love to do. My Brother got right back on the motorcycle after about 5 weeks in the hospital, he still walks with a limp. In a way, I so badly wanted to get back on and ride after all these years so I could do it with my Brother and his buddies. HHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMM
Posted by trevorjohn on 2008-02-25 09:52:44


		keepdreaming I was really tring to replace the fear of the bike with respect for the bike. My Brother said the last thing Rex would want is for the rest of us to put the kickstand down. Rex lived to ride. Thanks for the prayers
Posted by trevorjohn on 2008-02-25 09:56:47


		Hollis every day is a reminder that God is watching, he gives us messages if we are open to receiving them. Peace is what I seek. Thanks for stopping by. Take care
Posted by trevorjohn on 2008-02-25 09:59:31


		You know sometimes we cling on to our past and try and re enact it by doing what we used to do, but not so well. It really sounds to me like someone is looking out for you and giving you some signals that things are not right. You're sort of between a rock and a hard place as the Harley is a gift and you have a desire to hang out with your brother and his friends. I think you should heed the signs, cherish the memories and thank God that you have such a loving husband. I'm sure he will understand. As for Rex, let's pray he's in a good place. I really feel God is working in your life, placing people on your path so be still and wait a while. God bless you, Elaine
Posted by overthehillandfar... on 2008-02-25 11:40:38


		Elaine I feel in my heart that you are right. I just need to breathe. Be still and take it all in. God is working thru me so much right now I'm almost exhausted from it. But I'm open. So many things are being laid in front of me right now, I wonder why now? why so fast and furious? It's hard for me to believe that it has always been there, but right now I am so open to receiving it. I do know Rex died doing what he loves to do. I'm sure he is in a good place, or at least on his way. My husband is understanding and would never push for me to do anything I'm not comfortable with. He was gonna ride just because I decided I was going to. Bless you! Thanks for taking the time to share.
Posted by trevorjohn on 2008-02-25 12:50:38


		Just got back from the Cathedral where I work on the Healing Team. Tonight I really didn't want to go as my heating is off whilst I have a new boiler fitted. My husband is away and I was feeling like I just wanted to stay at home by the fire. Anyway, I made myself go and oh how glad I was that I did. During the laying on of hands this beautiful girl came to me and told me her problem which was heartbreaking. The thing was that I was able to help her and we shared the most wonderful peace together. I just know that God was leading me there tonight and I am so humbled by the experience. So next time you feel He is trying to tell you something, go with it and you will be richly blessed. Sometimes we think things are co-incidences, but I prefer to think of them as God-incedences. You have a wonderful journey in front of you sweetheart so hang on in there. Elaine
Posted by overthehillandfar... on 2008-02-25 17:44:29


		WOW that is earie isn't it, i am scared of motor bikes, as beautiful as some are and as much as i wish i was brave enough to do it, i could never pluck up the courage i am so sorry about Rex maybe you should be brave enough to try again if you used to enjoy it before your accident then give it another go or you may regret it xx Sorry i haven't visited for a while honey, i hope you are well xx
Posted by missmarie on 2008-02-25 21:25:16


		This is not clear-cut ... I believe there are no coincidences in life. That Rex died, at this time, on his motorcycle... at a time when you are struggling with the fear of getting back on your motorcycle should give you reason to reflect. But what does it mean??? ...... While I believe fear does not come from God. I also believe in God's constant protection. In other words God doesn't want me walking around scared to death but God uses events to warn and protect us. At all times we need to follow that little voice inside of us ... it's the voice of God. Sometimes we have that nagging feeling that we shouldn't do something ... shouldn't take a certain way home ... shouldn't walk down a certain street. Many years ago a friend of mine was working at her office late. She gathered her things and went to the elevator. When the doors opened there was a man in the elevator. Everything inside of her said "do not get on the elevator" ... so she told the man she had to return to her office and would take another elevator." She found a co-worker and they left together, never seeing the man on the elevator. My friend knew, without a doubt, that God was protecting her. When we feel something is amiss we need to take heed. Sometimes we are unsure of the meaning of an event ... then we need to wait. My mom always says "I'm not moving one step until I get the OK from the Lord." My prayers are with all involved in this terrible tragedy. Peace & Love
Posted by ColoradoDreamin on 2008-02-26 01:08:39


		missmarie nice to see you! I'm not sure which way I will go on the motorcycle thing, I guess only time will tell. I am doing well, I have peace in my life right now, it's a feeling I have not felt in a very long time. I sleep well now. Even with the bad news about Rex and my sadness I feel for those of us that will miss him, I still feel a sense of PEACE in my life. It's almost like some one turned down the volume, does that make sense?
Posted by trevorjohn on 2008-02-26 11:24:45


		Coloradodreamin I am really tring to figure it out, I dont want to walk in fear but I dont want to throw all caution to the wind either. I get it about your friend in the elevator, she was so smart to listen to her inner voice, I never try to manipulate that gut feeling, it's with us for a reason. I am just waiting like your Mother for the go ahead or the STOP. As of yet I have not felt either one. Until I do I wont go one step further. Thanks for sharing! Peace
Posted by trevorjohn on 2008-02-26 11:30:28


		Hard to know what to do, but I would stay off for a bit and breathe. Mourn Rex's death, be there for your brother and I'm sure God will give you a sign that it's time to ride again. I am big on signs and feel confident that you will get one. Our inner voice (or the Holy Spirit) does give us information we need, warnings and we should be open and listening, always. Keep praying and answer will come. My prayers for all involved.
Posted by Ellie2008 on 2008-02-26 19:12:15


		Ellie thank you for your prayers, we could all use as many as we can get. I think you are right, I'm just sitting still until I get a sign. I'm gonna come visit you. Peace
Posted by trevorjohn on 2008-02-27 08:40:33


		Ellie I was unable to get to know you because you a private. Maybe later you wont be so shy! Peace
Posted by trevorjohn on 2008-02-27 08:51:04


		trevorjohn -- a tip when trying to access those blogs with private profiles add "/blog" to the URL and it will give you access to that person's blog and all their posts. Example: http://www.thoughts.com/username/blog
Posted by ColoradoDreamin on 2008-02-27 12:37:08


		thanks Colorado! :) people here are wonderful and helpful!
Posted by trevorjohn on 2008-02-29 09:43:57


		My husband wanted a motorcycle really bad...so I bought him a remote control one to play with out in the street. A friend of mine got killed on a motorcycle in the 9th grade...the first dead body I had ever layed eyes upon. Shocking it was. Maybe try a moped. Hugs..
Posted by DifficultSoul on 2008-03-13 11:52:01