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I am so lonely lately. I told a good friend of mine, a waitress at one of my favorite restaurants, that I had feelings for her. Boy that didn’t go over very well. I don’t know what to do. She just said, “You’re not my type.” Those were sharp words.
That is just how my life keeps going. Girls just don’t think of me romantically. There was this great girl that I work with, Angela (Just an alias). She is a good friend. She is kind and she listens well. She and I have many of the same interests. I think that she is great.
I just think that I am tired of being lonely. And I sure am tired of being cheated on. I need to date someone that wants me. Someone that thinks the world of me. When I put the moves on a girl, and she doesn’t reciprocate, I don’t try any more. It’s not that I give up; it’s just that I don’t want to invest my feelings in something or someone that I am not sure will return them.
But one thing is sure: I won’t date anyone I think will cheat on me. My last serious girlfriend slept with my boss. That was awful. I had to find a new job, my feelings were crushed. I felt betrayed, you know.
It’s even worse when someone, who you care about, doesn’t return the feelings. That good friend of mine, the waitress, well on New Year’s Eve, I got pretty trashed. I told her just how I felt. I asked her why she wouldn’t give me a chance. Why she didn’t think that I would be able to make her happy. Like I said, I’m not her type.
I shouldn’t drink gin.
But I digress, loneliness sucks. I just want love. The kind that you would die for. The kind that you give up everything for. From Star Trek: Voyager, there is an episode “Year of Hell”. In this episode, the main character of the Crenum, changed time to get back the one he loved. That is what I want.
And I don’t think that it is too much to ask for. I just want to be happy. I’m not saying that I want to get married right now. And I am not just talking about sex. Companionship is the name of the game. Someone who I can share my day with, someone who I talk to and feel completely at ease, that is all that I want.
Perhaps I should force myself into someplace new that I will have to make new friends. And that is something that I am supposed to be good at. I usually am the life of the party. And usually people love me. I think that I love to be loved more than they love me.
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Posted by tradecraft on 2008-01-14 16:17:53 | Rating: | Views: 123
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wow this is a very deep story. im sorry 2 read about your dilemma and i gotta say that i kinda understand. i told this 1 good guy friend of mine that i liked him and he didnt feel the same way, so it was awkward whenever we tried to talk. i just recommend somehow letting her know that u dont like her anymore, because sometimes girls dont realize what they have until it's gone. try going out with another girl 4 a little while, and see how she reacts.
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Posted by ilylots
on 2008-01-14 16:40:20
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my thought is you are in love with being in love. you will find it when you least expect it. i know it's hard to wait, as i am personally the most impatient person but wait you must. if you keep "looking" it'll seem even longer. when you just relax and enjoy life (you are only 21) believe me love will find you. i promise. if you want to play games with the waitress then play but you will better serve yourself by just continuing a friendly relationship and don't worry that you said something about caring for her. i have lived a very long time and the best advice i can give you is to love yourself and then someone will love you.
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-01-14 17:31:36
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i understand what you meant when you said you wanted to be loved like a die hard love. and i'm like this i might like someone and i'l tell them that and then they never talk to me again. so getting to my point i think you have an overexaggerated view on love so when you feel rejected it hurts you more than you thouht it would. i'm not saying bring yur love epexctations down. just ease up a little.
your looking for a true love. lonliness sucks but i mean its a time for friends not lovers. so just wait. shes waiting on you.. promise
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Posted by keniyou21
on 2008-01-15 00:54:51
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