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| Leaving well enough alone
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I've never believed in leaving well enough alone. I've always thought that there was a better, faster, or smarter way of doing everything. I think that's what gets me into trouble.
I mentioned in another post that I'm having some issues right now. It's really two different big ones with a few little ones thrown in just for good measure. One of the big ones is because I can't leave well enough alone.
When I know that there is a problem, my first reaction is to fix it. I can't get it through my head that if I would just leave it be some problems will fix themselves. Instead I always keep pushing and pushing for a quick solution. I need to stop.
I think I'm going crazy. I'm not sleeping at all. Last night I was home from work at 2AM. I took a handful of sleeping pills and I was still up at 7:30. I am exhausted. I am losing weight even thought I eat all the time. All I want is one night of good sleep. But I can't get it because all I ever do is think about how much I've fucked up.
I've always been a little bit of a masochist, but never to this degree. And the scary thing is that I still want to push these issues. I still want to force them to be fixed. But doing that only makes them worse. If I could just stop for a couple days I think everything would be okay. But I don't think I will stop. Oh, I can tell myself until I am blue in the face that I'm going to let sleeping dogs lie. But I never do. I don't think I ever will.
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Posted by tphanna on 2007-10-03 08:21:02 | Rating: | Views: 89
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| Blog Comments
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its good and natrual reaction to want to fix issues/problems, infact, anything when it happens - human nature.
but, you are really pushing yourself and the lack of sleep is not helping you. thats the thing that always get me, we want sleep, it'll do us good, maybe help us think more logically..yet, when we try to sleep, we can not - we take sleeping pills -they do not work..thus, we end up like a dog chasing its damn tail -round and round and round.
think if and i know where you are coming from regarding wanting to push, i think if and when you can actually get some restful sleep - it may help a little, so i really hope you can and lastly? stop being so hard on yourself - okay?
hugs
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Posted by kentlass
on 2007-10-04 14:04:35
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