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I cant sleep tonight, I'm not sure why. I'm not depressed, i dont think? I'm sure I'm not anxious about anything, I just dont want to sleep. I was watching T.V. earlier and saw a commercial, cant even tell you what they where trying to sell, and something was said about "the one who got away". I've never had one of those. That strikes me as odd. I've had many lovers in my life, I was even married a time or two, but I dont think about any of them as "the one who got away". Is that kind of love really out there? Well, of course it is, I have just never expeirenced it, I dont guess. Whats wierder still is I dont know if I even care to.
When Melanie left, it was because I wouldn't stop getting high, and then she met HIM. At first I was upset, more the " I'm her husband she's my property" upset. Yeah! I got rid of my caveman mentality and was really happy that she found HIM.
I met a girl online last month who damn sure could be the one, but I dont think she's all that into the idea anymore(it was insane to me at first too). Its hard to find someone these days I think. No one seems prepaired for a multi-faceted personality, they like these things about you, but not these things. People seem to be looking for that "type", that special blend of everything, that they overlook the people who could truly love them, because they have some sort of.....flaw? Maybe.
Now this rambling I'm doing isn't supposed to make any sense. I think if I let my fingers and my heart work together here I might get something.
I want a flawed lover. I want what the commercials dont show. I want a woman who will never be on MTV. I want to find someone who can talk about the Geopolitical climate of the intertestamental period over breakfast, then come play poker at Reds later that night. I wonder if there are people out there who want more than a one sided...stickman, I wonder if this cookie cutter blah personality disorder is getting on someone elses nerves. IDK.
Better get back to I Love New York. Hate to not fit in, in the morning
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I think the trouble nowaday with it being harder to find someone to be with exclusively...has to do with what we fear about our own character flaws inside of ourselves...not the other person's.
We tend to hide our believed 'flaws'...so the other will accept us. Thus making it impossible for ANYONE..to truly ever know us.
One could never truly fall in love with someone that they did not know.
I think..that if we were actually brave enough to just stand in who we really are...even embracing our so called flaws...that it would make us very attractive to love interests.
Accepting who we are.. flaws and all..and truly loving who we are...comes across to others as confidence.
Confidence is attractive.
We need to admire to be admired.
That includes admiring ourselves.
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Posted by DifficultSoul
on 2007-12-13 11:43:24
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| Views: 161
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